I was almost dead. Lying down on the floor in the now-empty dance practice room. I managed to breath slowly. Each part of my body was stinging, every members was painfull... I had been practicing for so long... We had ended our schedule at 4 p.m, then it had been the repetion and we finally had ended at 20 p.m, but I wanted to practice more. I knew I was still having some difficulties with the new choreography and...also some difficulties to sleep in the dorm...

I didn't want to go back into the dorm with the others, ate dinner and watch TV beside him, playing all the time, faking smiles the whole evening and speak about random things as if my heart was not burning and tearing me from inside. Live like if all was normal and okay for me, this, I wasn't able to make it anymore. I'd already "played" that for months. Now it's over and I had loosed. I wasn't able to contain myself anymore.

I glanced at the clock : 1 a.m. I layed out my arms more comfortably. The floor was cold and contrasted with my sweaty body. I could guess the mist that my fingers were giving off with the contact of the parquet. I was staring at the ceiling, the main light was off, only the slight light enlightened the room. Around me, an army of empty water bottle were lying lifeless, like me...

I never knew that love was so hard. I had always believed that it was the sweetiest thing we could feel. Of course I had read some books and saw some movies about the heartbroken pain and all... but it hadn't felt the same way at all. This pain can't be conveyed, can't be expressed by words nor by face expressions. It's an inside pain which burn you inch after inch like fire does. And like fire it'll stopp only when there isn't combustible material. Problem was...that I was the combustible...and so as long as I lived, I just had to endure this.

I took a deep breath.

At least the pain which was stinging my all body was stronger than the wound in my chest. But the craziest thing was that I didn't want that pain to get out of me because it would mean that I didn't love him anymore and this thought was just unbearable. I did love him and I always will. I did since the begining. Well...not the first time I had saw him but after a few months I realized it. I had felt happier every single time I had been with him, then I had wanted to prolonge our "friends" hug, then had blushed when he had praised me, then had felt pain raising and getting inside of me like a poison. It had been worse when I was jealous, obviously. But then it just stayed, roting my blood... And here was I, three months had passed since the poison appeared. Three months that I had been suffering like hell and I was now giving up to hide it. Actually, I should have confessed since the begining. I was even feeling guilty of that : all the moments we had passed as "friends" was a sort of betrayal because each hug he had gave me was not perceived in the same way by our both.... Sometimes I hoped he was feeling the same feeling that I was. Sometimes I surprised him staring at me with a confusing expression in his ebony eyes, like if he was wondering about something, like if he was realizing something he was feeling... 'YAH! Yang Yoseob! Stop it!' I yelled to myself. 'Stop thinking such none-sense! He isn't even gay! Well... In fact I'm not either, it's just...him... 

But whatever...

I sighed and closed my eyes, praying to fall asleep. I needed some rest, in fact I could faint any second now because of my suffering body... Yeah, I indeed practiced a bit too much... But before I could fall in the dark numbness something touched me slightly, patting my shoulders, then my hair. I oppened my sleepy eyes and it was him. Oh my god!!! What the hell is he doing here??!! Why wasn't he at the dorm sleeping with the others?!

"-Yoseob-ah, he murmured, are you okay?"

Luckily my body was too tired to allow my heart to beat faster.

I groaned a "Mmmmh..." He laughed at my numbness but then recovered his serious.

"-What are you doing here?"

That was my question...! I pouted to myself.

"-Practiced" I replied instead.

He sighed.

"-Seobie-ah, it's 1 a.m!, he yelled yet whispering. You should be sleeping!"

Yeah...that's what I would been if he wasn't entered in the room... Wait! How did he named me?! "Seobie-ah"??!!! My blood instantly heated up and rushed to my cheeks. Doojoon stared at me, confused. I bet he was wondering wahtabout I could have blushed...

-Wha...Why are you here?, I mumbled.

-Guess..., he said a tiny angry.

I turned my head so I could properly search the answer on his face but a part of my brain was already sleeping and it was hard to focus on something, even if the thing was his handsome face. As I wasn't talking, he get closer to my face so he could fix my eyes with a look.

"-I was worried like hell!, he scolded. You said you'll come back at the dorm before 11!

-You was worried about me?!" Words blurted out of my mouth without thinking at all. I was too happy that he thought of me.

"-Aigoo... Of course I was! How come I wouldn't be?! I'm your leader, bandmate, roomate and friend!"

My suddenly happiness faded in no-time. Yeah, he was, indeed. 'My leader... at best my friend, but not my lov...no, don't even dare think that word!' I threatened myself. 'It'll hurt too much...'   Doojoon took my hand and squeezed it.

"-You're alright? What's going on?" he asked worried, seeing I was frowning and had again closed my eyes.

"-Yeah...'Course I am..." I murmured out of strength, and feeling my hand stinging a tad.

"-Come, we have to go at the dorm now. You need to sleep. And in a bed." He said pulling me from my back. He helped me to seat, then to stand up and eventually to walk too. He was holding me like an injuried-soldier.

As we joined the van, he helped me to seat and buckled my belt like if I was a little kid... But I liked it, I liked him taking care of me... 

The drive was silent, so my eyes closed again. I realized that I had slept a bit when Doojoonie oppened my door and took my belt off. I managed to go out the van but failed. He sighed, not of angry, it was more sadness to see me like this, or at least it's what I thought.

"Come" he said and turned himself so I was facing his back. It took some seconds before I understood what he wanted me to do and when I did, I facepalmed my burning cheeks : Does he really want to piggyback me till the dorm?! Slowly I grabbed his shoulders and coiled my arms around his neck. I put my legs on the two sides of his body and his arms took them firmly. Then I slightly jumped on him, my cheek was touching his neck...

His warmth was agreable. I moved back my head and lightly put my nose in his hair to inhalt his scent...a manly scent which was totally heady. I smiled happily and reinforced my embrace around his neck.

"-Relax Yoseobie, I won't let you fall", he said half-laughing .

I didn't answer but landed my chin on his shoulder in a comfy posture. Then I layed back my face in the crook of his neck, letting my lips touch his tanned-skin. It was like an indirect kiss...and it felt...amazing, like dizzy... 'No Yoseob, don't faint!!'

When we reached the bathroom I suddenly realized that we already were at home. I really didn't paid any attention to the "walk"... Only focused on him.... Aish...

There was like a small table-chest-of-drawer in the bathroom in which there was the sink on the right side. Doojoonie managed to drop me down on the table and make me seat on it.  He untied my hands which were still around his neck and turned to face me.

"-Here we are, try to take a shower or at least wash your face, then brush your teeh and get to sleep." He said in a low tone to not awake the others. I nodded.

"-I hold your pyjamas, wait." he went in the bedroom and went back in the bathroom faster than a second with my clothes.

"-Here, he whispered and put it on my lap, and hurry up!" He ruffled my hair and turned back to the room.

I began to undress me, slowly like never...! Then I put the water on and let me get relax under the warmth. When I went out, I wrapped a towel around my waist and brushed my teeth. Then I glanced at the mirror. I saw an exhausted and sad man which didn't look like me Yang Yoseob...

Suddenly the door behind me oppened and Doojoon came in with a cup, but as soon as he realized that I was half-n*ked, he stopped, his eyes widened.

"-Oh...I...I...I didn't knew you was... Sorry I... I just wanted to give you some hot water...It... It might help you to feel better" He stuttered and looked down. His cheeks blushing suddenly... Wait what?! He was blushing?!! Doojoon almost never blushed. It was reserved to the extreme case, like when he falls on the stage in front of thousands fans and at these times his sweety red colour was mainly hidden by the make-up. But seeing me half-n*ked made him blush?!!

"-Oh...hummm...it's...thank you" I took the cup and put it on the table.

"-Again sorry Yoseobie" he said still looking down and closed the door.

He blushed because of...me?! I was shocked...and somehow happy.