Walking, walking, walking. I was walking for hours. If I had been in Seoul, I would have go to the Cube to practice dance the whole day and the following night... But here all the options I had to practice was the tonight's room concert, overcrowded by journalist and fans... So the only solution to forget and stopp to think was to walk. The bitter cold was helpfull. I could feel my strengh going away inch by inch and my brain slowing down.

I was walking along the streets of Osaka, discovering the city with a strange filter, like if I was myopic and didn't wear my glasses. Might be tears. It was nightfall and the colours began to wear stranges fabrics decking out the skyscrapers... I didn't even knew where I was neither to where I was heading to. I alsmost had been knocked over several times by crossing the road... Thanks god nobody recognized me yet! In fact people may didn't see my face 'cause I was always looking down...sidewalk, feets, garbages, walkway, tire, sidewalk....

At one time, I barely remembered we had an interview where I was supposed to go... A park suddenly appeared out of nowhere . I get inside: at least there, no car would bump into me. The trees were creepy with the haze thicker than on the street. A little river sound could to be hear. It began to snow. I had no strengh anymore. The cold make me feel as if it was eating me. In my head the hubbub was exhausting, composed with recordings I was trying to forget. Tears, smile, chuckle, fear, trust, sobs, laugh... Then I began to see pictures with no links at all : a lake near my house when I was young, my mom hugging me, a forest... I vaguely thought that maybe it was this, to be mad. And? What do I care?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DOOJOON POV

"-Hyung! You're finally here! Do you know where is Yoseob?" Junhyung asked me as the second I get into the wings for the interview. 

I hesitated. What was I supposed to answer, to say? Are the members in the know? Do I want them to be in? Does Yoseob want it too?  Well, Junhyung might know it because he's more or least Yoseob's best friends. But then does Jun know that Seobie was planning to declare his love for me this afternoon??

"-Yes and no, why?"

"-He's not arrived yet... I thought maybe he was with you. I'm worry a tad."

'Sh*t Seobie, where are you?' As I went out the café to rejoin him, he had already left... I thought he was going to the interview. Apparently not. 

"-Did you call him?"

"-He doesn't answer."

"-Did you call the hotel reception?" I asked, increasingly worried.

"-Yes but they checked our room and he wasn't there!"

"-!" I took my phone  and composed his number phone in a jiffy. I didn't took care enough about his last statement, I didn't thought about the consequences that meant such a sentence. Of course what he understood underlied a bad deprime! How could I be such an idiot to have let him go alone??!! As to respond to my disquietude, the answering phone began. 

"-Why are you so alarmed? Maybe he's just on the road."

I hesitated once more.

"- Jun... I think Yoseob told you about his feelings for...me" His eyes snapped open, confirming my thesis : Seob didn't tell Jun for today... "But what he may didn't tell you is that he just confessed one hour earlier...!" 

Jun didn't need long to catch it.

"-We gotta go!" He made a movement to take his jacket but stopped before grabbing it.  "S*ht! The interview! It's gonna begin  in 5 minutes! We can't just leave now!!"

"-Where do you think he is?" The interview was the least of my worries!

-He can be anywhere!! We have to surch all the city, airport include!"

-Jun, we can't wait!"

-We have to, you're the leader you know pretty well what happened if we cancelled an interview.

I knew. It meant  a lot of money and the obligation to do it another day... It meant also bad point for beast at the Cube... Points were very important, they affected the amount of investment for Beast. 

"-But... What about Yoseob? What are we gonna say?" I asked.

"-Listen, the interview is gonna last one hour, we don't have to stay all this long! We can find a pretext in order that one of us get out. And for Seobie we could just say that he is totally sick because of the temperature of this country,  so he is resting for tonight's show. I just hope we will find him before then."

"- Okay, but please let me be the one who get out. I wouldn't be able to cross my arms and wait! I have to search him! It's my fault!"

"- hé hé slow down okay? I agree you go to search,you was the last one to see him, you might find him faster. Now get in your make up room and get prepared you have 2 minutes!"

I headed to the room and let me be powdered, trying to find the much talked about pretext. When I finally took my seat in the interview room, I was stressed like never! And the sudden inaction was more than uncomfortable! I just wanted to run all over this city to find him. To think he was lost alone, who knows where outdoor, was just intolerable!  

Thankfully questions were easy to answer and time passed faster than I had dreaded.  And Junhyung saved me when in the course of a question, he announced that I couldn't stay too long because the room of tonight's show had some technical problems and needed someone who knew perfectly the lights we needed. Technician indeed had to reprogramm all the show lights. That was THE perfect pretext!!

Ten minutes later I was out, getting in the car I called earlier with one of our bodyguard named Dongyul. 

I was scaning every street, every body through the window but night was already coming, what didn't make it easier. I was pondering what kind of place could attract him? What logic did he follow from the café to his actual location? Which speed does he have by walking knowing that he might be sad or deprime?

That's why I finally decided to return at the café and from there to see which road would I take naturally if I had nowhere to go. When we arrived at the café, Jun sent me messages: the interview has ended, he was searching him and no airport has registered a named Yang Yoseob passagers.

The car slowed down and I doubled attention. I choosed to continue the little street of the café, then the main avenue had two directions, one was going downstairs, I chosed this one : tired I wouldn't choose the one that looks like a mountain. The lights were rarefying when it crossed with another avenue enlightened. There, all the people were crossing the road to the same way: to the right. Yoseob may follow the flow of people. The difficulty was also to know when he might have stopped. It was already 6:30 p.m so he walked 2 hours and 30 minutes if he still hadn't stopped but somehow I felt he wouldn't  have walked more than this. So basically a walk of 2 hours but at a slow rythm... 

It began to snow and I began to panick! Temparature was incessantly going down!  The street crossed a new avenue with more people and high skycrapers at the right. An army of tourist formed a line all along the right to photography the enlightened buildings. Someone who is willing to crossed this line might be very determined to; so I took on the left drawing deliberately a little circle with the start : when we're wandering we often don't walk straight away, we make circle to ensure ourself we're not that lost... Suddenly there was no light anymore the time of two seconds:

"-Stopp! Please go back a little! " What was this? Dongyul get back and stopped at the very place I saw: a park. There were light but compared with the rest of the city it was nothing. I was pretty sure that if he had really walked on this street, he couldn't have not see this park. It was like an Island of darkness, a breath in this over bright city. Even brought by the flow of people, the sudden presence of trees and fresh air would have catch his attention, even subconsciously. But would he risk to go in a park with this darkness? Of course park aren't dangerous, there's always children and mothers and all... Still, it might be creepy when we're not that good... Then I thought that he might be tired: he walked more than 2 hours! He may searched a place to rest! 

I didn't think it twice, I unbuckled my belt and jumped out of the car -no taking any care about Dongyul! I ran to the entrance of the park and then slowed down, following the main way. The snow was making sound at each of my foot. Two ways offered to me. I took the right. It was making a curve. At one point there was restroom, I get in, but no Yoseob. I continued and arrived to a little river and a bridge. But it was quite  away from the entrance. It would be strange to get in a park to rest and to wander in it hours. The way had another choice for those who didn't want to cross the water and it was making a circle so that I deduced that I was on the left way that I didn't took first. So I was heading to the entrance. Suddenly I heard something strange, something that didn't correspond to a scream of baby neither to a grandma conversation. It was very low like a baby birds that just noticed a cat and couldn't fly. It was like little sorrows. I look around but noting. The haze and the snow wasn't helping... I continued the way slow like never! It conturned a bush and there on a bank, I saw someone lied down on it! 

"-Yoseob!!" I half-whispered, half-screamed. I rushed up to him. I touched the body which was totally recovered by a slight layer of snow. I wanted to look his face! I was sure it was him ! I recognized his jacket, his shoes, his hairs but still I needed to see his face! This face that was emitting the birds-like-sound. 

"-Yoseob, it's me Doojoon!" I returned his head so I could properly see his face, and froze. He was half-crying while sleeping! His eyes were slittered yet was leting tears out which was making his face deadly cold. I took his hands, touched his arms and his neck: all was ing cold. 

"-Yoseob! Please, stop crying! I'm here, it's me, your Doojoonie!" I took his face in my hands to gave him my warmth." Seobie please wake up! Say something! I promise I always will be with you but just wake up!"

The birds-like-sound stopped. I wiped his previous tears and strenghted my grab. Waiting. I lead my forehead on his. 

"-Let-------- Let me..." My eyes snapped open. 

"-Seobie, you're here?!!" I saw, slowly, his eyelid lifted up. And these two pearls looking at me.

"-Doo-----------Joonie--ah..." 

Bliss.

"-Okay great, you're still not totally frozen so I think hospital is not a neccessity yet. I'll take you back quickly at the hotel okay? Just don't worry you'll be in warm soon!"

"-Whaa---- Whatt-----whatever..." 

I took him, bridal style, going back to the car, praying First : that I wooldn't lost me in this ing park!,  Second: that nobody would recognize us - it would be a damned mess to explain the situation to the journalists!, and Third: that Dongyul was still at the entrance with the car, ready to go. And it seemed that for this one time, the so-called-God was with me! Because Dongyul had just finished to drink his coffe-greentea when I arrived without any problem at the car. 

I lied Yoseob in the back in the car, and seated beside him, a hand on his forehead, the other on the phone, calling Junhyung in order to announce him the good news.

When we arrived at the hotel, Jun was waiting for us at the entrance. Not saying a words, he helped me to open the elevator and the doors. I lied Yoseob on his bed in Junhyung's room.

"-I can take care of him if you want to rest." Jun proposed.

"-I want to be by his side." He didn't ask for justification or anything else, he nodded, and landed a kiss on yoseob's forehead before going out of the room.

I began to undress Yoseob to fill his body with the ambiant warmth. Then I recovered him with blankets. And then, I took a chair prepared to wait a moment. 

Finally at peace and calm I could freely think about the day. How all accelerated... How a few words could change a life...

######Flashback######

"-What's on?" I was reluctant to ask things.

He sighed.

"I...I have something to tell you, but... you have to promise me that you won't hate me after..."

How could I hate you Seob??! How damn could you even picture yourself such idea?!!

He looked at me deeply like if he wanted to drown himself in my eyes. I took automatically his hand and looked back at him.

"-Seobie, I promise, I won't hate you." I deeped my own gaze in order to say it by my eyes case he wouldn't trust my words. He looked away, incapable to withstand the gaze. I wanted to take out his problem, to extract the pain of this little body. Nobody had the right to hurt so much someone and particulary Seobie, he looked so candid... It felt so unfair... It was like this day in the hotel room, when he was wrapping himself. He had looked too weak to bear any kind of grief...!

"-Does it have a link with the pain in your chest?"

Something glistening appeared on one of his eyes, something I couldn't handle.

"-Heyyy! Seobie, don't cry!" I fondled his cheek, wiping the fresh tear. "I'm sure it's not grave". 

He took my hand in his and landed it on the table.

"-Doojoon..." Could his gaze be more intense? "I" he was half-panting, "I love you".

A bomb exploded. Or maybe was it only my heart. However I abruptly felt warm tingling crawling from my heart to the extremity of my lumbs.

"-Whaa---What?" I blurted out, before I could even make any analysis of the situation. It was like I wasn't the master of my movements and feelings anymore. Anywise I wasn't the one who told my body to feel so damn warm neither the one who orderd my heart to thump that fast!! And actually, I was stunned as much by what Yoseob just said as by my own reaction! A part of my mind was searching an answer while the other part was drinking Yoseob's words as if my whole life depended on it.

"-Since eight months I love you" A new tingling wave assailed my heart. "I can't bear when you're not here, you're all for me..." His black-eyes were honey-dew stars hotter than the sun itself... And my mind went blank.

"-I really--- can't live without you anymore..." 

Totally blank.

It took some seconds to my brain to work anew. When it did a good thousand or so emotions bumped into thousands questions. I tried to sum up the situation to get a clearer view  : Yoseob had just confessed he ---loves --me. I do have strange reactions at it. It's not just surprise, I'm more than shoked, I do feel uncommon things : tingling, faster heartbeat... There wasn't any pain with it, only...what? Excitement?! And maybe a tadd of...joy??! Wait...!! Could this be ...??! I just wasn't able to think the word despite Seobie did just pronounce it two or three times... It was like to defy an authority I had build up myself. I dropped the subject for now as it leaded me nowhere. Then truth shot my mind : the person that has been hurting him so long was actually...me. Bitterness overwhelmed me. I felt so guilty that I couldn't go further in my "analysis". The awareness was too harsh! From the very start I was the source, the reason of the unbearable pain that teared him more and more every day! Why didn't he share that with me?! Why didn't he tell me that before? I mean I could have do something!! No?!

"-Seobie..." I said the more gently I could, lifting up his chin to make him face me.

There were no more honey-dew stars, but two streams of distress, fixing me.

"-I know. You're not gay, " I could tell he was contained his tears "---and you would rather be with Hyuna than me..."  Gay? Hyuna? What the hell?! However these words didn't make any sense to me. So as the bitterness was still eating away me, I asked what I had on the heart:

"-Why do you tell me this now?!" 

He semmed to ponder the question, but his eyes were telling something else, I just couldn't put my finger on it. 

"-Oh well, now I think I can try to forget you..."  BETRAYAL. That was what his two black-stars were giving off. It was the same look he gaved to Junhyung that fastidious day.

He stood up and went outdoor, leaving me totally dumbfounded by his last statement.

I should have run. I should have rejoin him before he left. But I was paralysied, my whole brain was searching a signification to all of this! And I was hardly trying to think the unthinkable:

Yoseob was in love with me.

And I was in love with him.

#########end of flashback######