Yoseob POV

I failed. 

I failed to forget him. 

I wanted to ignore him, untill I would forget him, and I just had said I forgive him. I should not have to.  It's not that I was mad with him...no...but this was an occasion to drop my feelings. Because I had to. I had to because first he wasn't loving me (he would rather choose HyunA...), second he was straight ( the so-shocked-face could witness it), third I was bad at seducing and I knew I won't ever be able to confess so...Just FORGET HIM!!! But what could I do when he took me in his embrace and implored me to speak again with him?! When he said he was missing me while I was feeling his arms around me and smelling his delicous scent...how was I supposed to react?! I couldn't forget him in those conditions...

I was thinking about that while I was walking in the wings to our special room. We were in japan and this night was our first tv-show for this promotion. I was harshly trying to figure out the problem when I suddenly bumped into someone, so hard that I fell on the ground:

"-Yoseobie!!! I'm so sorry, are you alright?" Oh no....not this voice....at least not now...I don't want to hear it when I'm planning to forget it..."Seobie are you okay?!"

"-Yes, I'm okay I think." I said while rubbing slightly my head - and not forgetting to notice the "Seobie" designation.

"-Does it hurt? Oh I'm so sorry Seobie..." he said, sitting next to me. I raised my eyes to see him truly, but I didn't expect he would be so close!! I couldnt' help but stare at him. As soon as my look was at him, I couldn't take it back, it was like magnet... I scrutinized his face: his tanned cheeks were slightly red because of training hours long, just above were his dark rings due to his lack of sleep -how I hated them... I wanted each night to make sure by myself that he was sleeping! Then I saw his two pearls, his ebony eyes were piercing mine, two diamonds which their beams were too strong to me to survive... I felt my heart beating fast, too fast. I vaguely saw his lips moving, saying something I already couldn't hear anymore. The only thing I wanted was these lips to be on mine, to feel their pressure... Ouch, I shouldn't have think of that... It hurted and my heart was always beating faster-Damn wasn't it gonna slow down? Or stop? Aah I want it to stop! Stop all of it!!! - I barely heard something panting - was it me?? - before my sight went blurred. I felt arms under me, then the ground seemed to disappear. 

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"-**lease...Seobie-ah... Please...Please come back" somebody whispered. I tryed to open my eyes but it was still too hard so I decided to begin with my hands, where it was? I focused and tryed to remove them. But I felt something on it, something warm and soft...

"Oh...Yoseob? Are you awake? Please tell me you are!" I felt his hand slightly pressing mine. I wanted to see him, I wanted to see my love! I slowly managed to open my eyes and he was here, devastated by worry.

"Yoseobie!!" His worried espression changed in a wide bright smile which dazzled me...what?! Not again!! I seemingly already fainted because of that, it's enough for the day...! 

"-Seobie-ah, say something please!"

I gathered my strength to open my mouth: "-Doo...Doojoonie-ah!" He suddenly took me in his arms! Damn! He wasn't making things easy!

"Don't ever do that again, I was scared like hell!!" he murmured in the crook of my neck. I froze. It was too much, especialy after what had just happened. He felt it and stepped back.

"-Did...Did I faint a long time? Where are the others?" I managed to ask.

"-Not that long, and the others are still with manager Hyung, preparing tonight's show. I wanted to call them but I couldn't let you alone."

I nodded.

"-Are you feeling better now? Did you not sleep last night? Or eat today?" he asked with concern.

"-Yeah I am" I answered yet ignoring the two last questions, " why are you so worried? I just had a slight drop in blood pressure." I reassured him. I didn't want him to see me that weak. But instead of yelling at me because I still fainted, or telling me off for not answer him or even saying he wasn't worried, he just stared blankly at me. Like if he was pondering something or rather realizing something terrible, well , at least something really startling. His eyes had became almost as big as saucer and he was looking at me like if I was a martian or something... I really began to feel weird. What was wrong with him?!

"Doojoonie-ah" Did I call him AGAIN DoojooNIE? I mentally snapped myself. I'm so obvious..."Are you okay? What's up?" I asked, taking his hand. But he pulled it away and stepped back!! What...??

"-Doo...-"

"-I....I have to...to go to the toilets" he strangely stuttered "Can...can I let you alone a few minutes?"

"-Ehmmm...yeah 'f course... but you're sure you're o-" I even didn't have time to finish my sentence, he had already stood up, heading to the exit.

Okay... What was wrong with him? I mean I didn't have said anything terrifying, did I? Aishhh I'm gonna be crazy...

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An ocean of stars was flowing at my feet letting the city look like a sachet of sweet candy, an infinite of luminous multicolored dots which was separated from the sky only thanks to the dark shadows of the mountains. But the sky was empty, the earth had stolen all its stars, even its heavenly body was barely perceptible.  Below, a long and sinuous blue ribbon was peacefully reflecting the colorful buildings.

A breeze shook slightly my hairs, getting a tear out of me. And the city beneath melt in a rain of colours. I wiped away the tears, recovering my sight. I shivered. It was cold. The rooftop wasn't the warmer place...and the sight of Tokyo lying at my feet, the sight of the emptiness was only making the thing worse. I just had to move a tad, only a bit ahead to fall, and the empty would gulp me in its whirlwind of colours.

I was so tired. The show went alright and our japanese fans were very supportive, but the fainting part had been tyring. And I was bored...bored of myself, ...bored of everything actually... 

I decided to go back to my shared room to rest. I may feel better tomorrow. I wondered vaguely if Junhyung was already there (we'd always been sharing the room at hotels). The warmth of the corridor surrounded me and made me feel alive. I walked slowly, I was so exhausted. When I arrived in front of the door, I hesitated to knock but Junhyung might be already sleeping so I slightly opened the door...and stopped instantly at the view. WXCZTOBUBTF!!!! Junhyung was kissing Hyunseung in the entrance of the room!!! And Hyunseung was already shirtless!! I should had yell, or run away, or anything else but not stay there any second more like I did! But I was just statufied. And Junhyung was so intensely kissing Hyunseung that he didn't even see I was here. Hyunseung too, was totally hypnotized by the kiss. He was leaning on the wall, an arm on Junhyung's waist. The latter began to play with one of Hyunseung's n*pples, kissing his neck and when he was about to take back  his lips, Hyunseung let out a moan like "Aaahmmm"! I felt shiver running along my spine. Junhyung get closer to him - like if it was even possible! - and kissed his lips incessantly while Hyunseung's hands were grabbing his shirt. "Ahmm... *kiss* Ju... *kiss* Junni ohmmm..." Hyunseung moaned and this kinda turn on Junhyung which grasped him and carried him bridal style to the bed -which I couldn't see because of the bathroom wall. Then the moans began to escalate and I eventually recovered myself, just enough to exit this ing - in all the sense- room!

Well, now I was exhausted AND pissed off!! I can't even rest myself!! And because of what? Of two lucky guys that are making a love on the very bed I did sleep last night!!!!!!! ! I wanna sleeeeeep! 

I was so pissed off that I didn't think much, and went in Hyunseung's room to get his bed, that means I went in Doojoon's room...!! 

I didn't even take the time or the care to knock at the door, I kicked it open in a noisy way...

"-Yoseob???"Doojoon appeared from the bathroom -all clothed - "Why are you here? What's with Junhyung?"

"-Junhyung? Junhyung is ING Hyunseung in OUR room!!!" I blurted out, out of my nerves.

"-He...he what?!"

"-Look, I don't wanna repeat so do you want a show or did you get it?!"

I could tell he was stunned, almost shocked. Was it because of the fact Junhyung and Hyunseung were making out or was it because he wasn't used to seeing me angry?

"-I.....you..." He gulped...and blushed. Wait,...he blushed???! That was unexpected. I mean why would he blush by the thought of Junseung kissing? Or did I say something else?    "I think I get it" He finally answered before going back to the bathroom.

I tried to rewind mentally what just happened. What did I say to make him blush??....... OMO!!! Did it have a link with the show-thing??!! Did he just...imagine something??!!!! My cheeks heated up at the thought.

Then I finally realized what I'd just done, I went to Doojoon's room, the day I fainted because of him and the day he did stare at me in that really really weird way! I went to his room just the following day we were speaking again. And the worse was that I went to his room to sleep!! Was I an idiot?! I mean how am I supposed to sleep at his side, in his room? Yeah, we always slep in the same room at the dorm, but there, our room was also the room of all the Beast's members. There wasn't any intimacy. Here we could make all what we wanted, say all what we wanted without the others hearing us... I would never never be able to sleep!! I tryed to reach the bed in order to have a sit, just to make sure I wasn't fainting again but the bed wasn't at the place I expected. I turned myself to see why and I froze. Yoseob! Why didn't you remember of it?! Doojoon and Hyunseung always had an unique double bed!!! That was because Hyunseung had at once admit he was afraid of sleeping alone so as long as Doojoon was agree they were sleeping in the same bed but....but...will I sleep in the unique bed too? I mean will I sleep ...with...him?! I was feeling weaker and weaker... I sitted on the bed. I never never should walk in this room. I should, I don't know, sleep in the corridor or whatever, all would be better than sle...sleep in his bed. Aish...just because I was pissed off I didn't pay attention to what I was doing and now...what would I do? I calmed down my breath, gripping the white duvet I tried to recover myself before he would get out of the bathroom and see me like this. 

I had to think about the good sides of this situation, Neh think positive Yoseob! You're here with your love for the night, your chest might not ache tonight... I stood up and went to the window. I was watching the flow of cars that were illuminating the street below and I was deep in my thoughts when I felt suddenly something touching my arms, removing them from behind :

"-Don't." Doojoon said, his hairs still wet from the shower. I gazed at him, eyes wide opened.

"-Don't do this when I'm here." he softly said pointing my wrapped arms. I even didn't knew I was wrapping my chest! But why did he said that? How did he knew my pain was less hard when he was here? Why was he caring that much anyway?

"-The other night... I...I rubbed your chest and it seemed to work so tell me when you're in pain..I can do it again" he explained.

Oh that.... Yeah this night... Therefore he knew.... I was kinda disapointed. I mean how didn't he already understand I was in love with him? At one side I really wanted him to know and at the other side I couldn't even imagine him kowing it... And without saying anything else nor waiting for me to speak, he pulled me in his warm embrace. My pulse instantly speed up but I wasn't paying attention. I just buried my head in his softy hoodie, inhaling the scent. 

"-Yoseob, don't you know why are you in pain at all? I mean, you may should be seen by a doctor.."

If I hadn't been that tired, I would have laughed of that : ' Mr Yang Yoseob your blood test reveals that you're in love! '  Ha! But I was tired so the only thing I wanted to do was to cry or at least to sleep...

"-Yoseob-ah?"

"-It's not that." I mumbled through his sweater. 

"-Then what is it?"

"-Couldn't we just drop the subject?" I asked almost whispering. 

He slightly released the embrace and raised my head by my chin, catching hold of my look. Was he aware of the proximity? I was. And my whole body was reacting at. My heartbeat was faster as ever, my cheeks were like fire, my throat dry and my legs like cotton.... If I'd had to walk at this particular moment, I'm pretty sure I would have fallen at the first step! Doojoon deeped the gaze as if he was looking for something inside of it.

"-Why are you so mysterious? Why with me?" he asked in a soft low voice, "Junhyung has the right to know all about you but not me, why?" 

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!!

"-Be...because Junhyung's ma...my bé...bestfriend. Doojoon can I go to your bathroom? I wanna shower to sleep early, I'm exhausted."

He let me off and I didn't look at his face, I just slipped in the bathroom, picking some of Hyunseung's clothes by the way. As soon as I closed the door, I turned the shower on to make some noise, so I could recover my breath properly. 

Junhyung I hate you!!