"-Yoseob?

-Ne?

-I want you now..." Doojoon whispered through the darkness.

His eyes were giving me some dizziness... He took my arms and lied on the top of me. Only a few centimeter separated his face and mine. Ididn't breath anymore, I was like petrified. My eyes widened but deep down within myself I wasn't yet surprised, somehow I knew that Doojoon was just obeying at what I thought, what I wanted...

"-Yoseobie, I love you..."

He cocked his head till his lips touched mine but they barely had time to get contact because suddenly my eyes oppende wide - I mean for the truth...

It was still the night and all the members were sleeping. I realised that I was gasping, in search of some air which would filled my lungs, like if oxygen could heal the wound... But it didn't help at all. The pictures of my dream were just too strong to be forgotten, too desirable to let me sleep again... I turned in my bed to the left , facing the reason of my torment......Doojoon. Instinctively my eyes ogled on his lips. These lips which had almost kissed me - well, in my dream... Somewhere in my chest the pain intensified. Like if it was even possible that it became worse! I wrapped my arms around my torso. Too much pain...too much hurt...

I decided to get up: some water may calm me down and clear my mind. Actually I didn't expect the pain go off, I already knew it was impossible... 

The night was peacefull, like the dorm, not like me.

After that I've drunk some water, I still felt a fiever-like-sensation stucking my forehead, so I joined the bathroom and refresh my face: without apparent result.

I was going to turn back into the common bedroom when the pictures of my dream snapped my sight. No, I wasn't able to lie back in my bed beside him with these pictures in my head: whether I would jump on him - which seemed nevertheless highly improbable given that I was diagnosed as shy - or I would collapse and cry my eyes out under the weight of the pain so I'll wake up all my hyung... Bad Idea...

Finally I resolved myself for the couch-option. I switched on the television - with no sound - in order to feed my mind with some cheesy, happy and colourfull images. I hoped this wil help to drop my dream in the forgot-land of my mind.

I tried to focus on the programm - really I tried -  but a part of me refused clearly to cooperate and the pain in my chest barely decreased. At least it had stopp to grow...

I recall a discussion with Junhyung a week ago:

##Flashback##

"-Yoseob-ah, you should confess." he said suddenly as we went out of the dance practice room.

"-I... I just...can't.

-Why?"

I said nothing but bit my lips. Actually even I didn't knew exactly why, I didn't understand the true reason of this blockage.

"-I... I..." I began to stutter

"-You?" He said raising an eyebrow.

"-I'm scared he'd reject me."

I knew this was not the main reason of why I wasn't able to admit my feelings... Of course I was afraid that he'd reject me, that he won't love me or that he may be disgusted - who knows afterall?... But somehow whenever I thought about me confessing in front of him I statufied, literally paralysied. Maybe it was because of the fear or maybe it was just because I'm such a coward, but whatever the reason was, each time it happened, all my members just get frozen.

"-At least you wouldn't carry this weight anymore, Junhyung continued. And if he doesn't like you, then you'd be able to pass through. I mean, don't stay like this, don't suffer alone like this. I don't like seeing you that way." He said as I tried to ignore the burning feeling in my chest.

##End of Flashback##

"Pass through", "Pass through" Junhyung's words bumped into my dream's pictures, all knocking together with my thought, arranging a nauseated whirlwind which was giving me a rough headache...

Slowly tiredness began to overwhelm me back, numbing my limbs. My irregular breath hyperventilated the whirlwind of my thought and all was getting more and more confused, scrambled, making up an undescribable chaos. But Doojoon's darks piercing eyes incessantly came back and my sight. Then I felt like diving into these darks orbs. More and more of this darkness was surrounding me till I lost conscious. I didn't knew exactly if it was a faintness or simply the sleepy that took off my washed-up body, but I felt released when it came.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I felt something shaking me, touched my arms slightly, something warm and...pleasurable.

"-Yoseob-ah, Yoseobie, wake up..." a voice murmured... No, not A voice, HIS voice. Was I still in a dream? Then if it's the case I can do what I want, isn't it? Excitedly I took his arm which was shaking me and pulled it against my chest, against my heart, knowing that it'll decrease the pain omnipresent. And it worked as usual! But I wanted more, I wanted to erase completly the pain, I wanted to feel his body against mine, and firmly snuggle him... I attempted to grip his chest in order to pull it against me, which should work without a problem because in my dreams Doojoon never refuses me anything but there, his body didn't reached the posture that I wanted him to get to.

"-Yah Yoseob! Wake up! What are you trying to do?! Yoseob-ah!"

My eyes snapped opened and I saw Doojoon's face . His lips were only a few centimeter away from mine. He was half-lied on the couch and half-lied on the top of...me, in a very akward position. His arm was totally catched by my arm... He didn't speak anymore. He looked like...confused? Not knowing what to do or say. My eyes were still staring at him, his pink lips, which for sure should be warm and...soft...And I realized that I had stopped to breath. I caught back my breath, hardly panting...

"-Yoseob, Yoseob, are you alright?"

I had let go of his arm during my struggle for air and he was once again patting my shoulder, waiting for me to recover myself.

"-Ne, I'm alright, don't worry hyung" I said trying to breath normally which was more than difficult since he was touching me... 

"-Yoseob-ah, are you sick? Do you have fiever?" he asked palming my forehead.

Yes I'm sick Hyung, sick of love for you...

"-I said I'm alright.

-Why did you sleep on the couch?

-I didn't managed to sleep in the bedroom" I answered when my breath was totally recovered.

"-Alright, Come, take a breakfast, we have many schedules today..."

Why Hyung? Why can't you read in my eyes?!