Seunghyun woke up to Daesung holding on to him tightly. Despite him being asleep his hold had not loosened on Seunghyun’s waist. Seunghyun strained his neck to look outside of the window that was next to the bed. It had grown significantly dark and he hadn’t told Taeyang where he was. He tried shifting out of Daesung’s hold but instead being able to get up Daesung held him closer to his body. An irate groan was heard from Daesung when he tried getting up again.

Seunghyun gave up and laid still, a content sigh came out of Daesung as he made himself comfortable. He tried busying himself with his thoughts, but was couldn’t keep himself occupied. He moved his hand to Daesung’s shoulder and gently shook him.

“Daesung?”

Daesung shifted and buried his face into Seunghyun’s chest while mumbling incoherently.

“Daesung wake up.”

Daesung looked up at Seunghyun angrily, “What do you want?”

“I need to get up and go.”

Daesung put his head back down, “Why don’t you just stay the night? If you call Taeyang I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Seunghyun absentmindedly Daesung’s arm, “If you want me to.”

“I want you to stay forever.” Daesung wrapped his arms around Seunghyun to emphasize how much he wanted him to stay.

“As long as you want me to, but can you stop squeezing so hard I can’t breathe.”

Daesung loosened his grip, “Sorry, So you’ll really stay, and we can talk all night?”

Seunghyun smiled at Daesung’s eagerness to have him stay over. It was refreshing to see him excited for something even if it was only because he was staying over. “Daesung I need the phone.”

Daesung groaned and shifted his weight, “I don’t want to move; you’re too comfortable.”

“The faster you hand me the phone the faster you can lay on me some more.”

Daesung sighed and got of Seunghyun, he rolled over and fumbled in the dark for his cell phone.

“Here.” He handed the phone over to him and resumed his position.

Seunghyun laughed at how quickly Daesung got comfortable. He dialed Youngbae’s number and waited for him to pick up; he didn’t have to wait long.

“Hello?”

“Taeyang it’s me.”

“Where have you been?” his voice didn’t sound worried but more accusatory.

“I’ve been with Daesung today; I’m going to stay over.” Seunghyun couldn’t help but think that Youngbae was acting like he was his parent.

Youngbae paused for a second, “Why?”

Seunghyun didn’t expect that reaction, “Uh, because I want to?”

“What are you going to be doing?” Youngbae waited for a response.

“Uhm, I don’t know.”

“So you’re just going to be sleeping right?”

Seunghyun looked at the cell phone disbelievingly, “What do you mean by that? I’m just going to be staying over, nothing else.”

“Okay, but don’t come limping over here tomorrow.”

“Taeyang!”

“Have fun.” Youngbae hung up the phone.

Daesung looked up at Seunghyun innocently, “What did Taeyang say?”

“He said have fun.”

Daesung smiled knowingly, “I’m sure he did.”

Seunghyun looked down at Daesung; it was nice having him here like this. It was a welcoming change from the cold shoulder he was used to getting and he wondered if Daesung was going to be like this more often. It was weird how much he liked being able to hold Daesung like he was doing now. He didn’t know if that was normal.

Daesung had been playing with Seunghyun’s shirt and wasn’t paying attention to Seunghyun’s inquisitive stares. Seunghyun wondered if the way that he and Daesung acted around each other was normal between friends. He couldn’t imagine being snuggled up to Youngbae like the way he was with Daesung. In fact he didn’t think Youngbae would even want to be close to Seunghyun without feeling weird.

The way Seunghyun held Daesung; touched him; was that all normal? Is that what friends did? He wasn’t all too sure about how friends went about developing their relationships. Was the way he needed Daesung near him or how he was dedicated to him something that happened often? He had never questioned how he felt about Daesung before, but now that he got to hold him close his mind started to wander. He was starting to make sense of his muddled feelings and wondered if he was only staying with Daesung because he valued their friendship.

He looked down at Daesung and tried to figure out what he was feeling at the moment. He had once said that what he felt about Daesung was something more than a friend, but what could that mean. What was he feeling? He was inexperienced with feeling anything for anyone; he didn’t know how to place his feelings. It was like trying to fit a puzzle piece together, but he didn’t have the pieces to put it together.

How was he supposed to know what he felt about Daesung if he hadn’t felt anything pleasant before he had met him? It was sadness and anger before he met Daesung and now its happiness and something else. It was something else. He felt something else when he looked at Daesung, but he didn’t know what it was because he had never felt it before.

He knew he cared for the boy in his arms, but how much was hard to decipher. How much did want to see this boy happy without even thinking about his own happiness? How much did he want to be with him? How much did he want him? There were too many questions circling around in his head for him to be able to answer all of them himself.

Daesung was still blindly playing with his shirt. Seunghyun grabbed the hand that was messing with the hem of his shirt to get Daesung’s attention. He was entranced by the way Daesung’s hand fit in his before he started to speak.

“Daesung?”

“Yes?” Daesung noticed that Seunghyun’s behavior had changed in the few minutes of silence they had shared.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Daesung furrowed his brows; he wasn’t expecting a question like that especially since it was out of the blue. “I knew since I was about thirteen. I had always liked to be around boys and found myself thinking about guys in a way that you would usually for a female. When I saw a pretty girl that’s what I thought; that it was just another pretty girl, but when I saw good looking male my mind would always wander elsewhere. I guess it fairly easy for me to identify my uality unlike others who had to truly with themselves to find out theirs.”

“So you just knew?” Seunghyun cleared his throat, “Is it hard for others?”

“I was lucky that I knew what I wanted, but some people either fight with themselves denying what they feel or others just don’t know what their feeling.” Daesung looked at him curiously, “Why did you want to know?”

“I just wanted to know, that’s all.” Seunghyun averted his eyes, “You said that some people don’t know what they’re feeling. How does that work?”

“Some people just don’t know that what they’re feeling has something to do with being gay. They’ll date girls not knowing that that empty feeling inside is about them being with the wrong person. It’s like they’ll have their feelings and not where to place them or even what those feelings are.”

Seunghyun swallowed the lump that was building up in his throat, “Oh.”

“Oh?” Daesung didn’t know what was up with Seunghyun but he didn’t want to push it too much.

“I have one more question.”

Daesung sat up to get a better look at Seunghyun. He noticed that his forehead was creased and lips were set in a straight line. “What is it?”

“How do you know if you’re in love with someone?”

Daesung stared at him to see if could read his face, but he came up with nothing when all he got was a curious stare. “Well, when you’re in love with someone you would do anything for them and always want to see that person happy. You think about being with them constantly and you can’t find yourself wanting to be with anyone else. You would think that person is perfect despite all their flaws and would want to hold and touch them to show how much you care.”

Seunghyun nodded his; he clenched his jaw and thought about what Daesung said, “Is that so?”

“Yeah that’s how a person in love feels, but why do you keep asking these random questions?”

“I want to know what to expect when I fall in with someone, I don’t want to be clueless as to how I’m feeling.”

Daesung tilted his head to the side, “But why did you ask all of a sudden?”

Seunghyun smiled awkwardly, “Sometimes I think of random to things to ask in my head. It’s nothing really.”

Daesung wasn’t sure to believe him or not, “Are you sure it’s nothing?” he wondered if there was something behind Seunghyun’s question.

Seunghyun looked at him innocently, “Yes it’s nothing, I was just asking. Okay?”

Daesung let it go despite the nagging feeling that Seunghyun was lying to him. Seunghyun would tell him when he was ready; at least that’s what he hoped. “Okay then.”

Seunghyun pulled Daesung down to his previous position; he wrapped his arms around Daesung’s shoulders and rested his chin on top of Daesung’s head. The position they were in brought him comfort and didn’t want to continue the conversation anymore as he had some new things to think about.

Daesung couldn’t complain about the embrace that Seunghyun was giving him. He liked being close to him and wished that they could stay this way forever. He didn’t say anything as he was being held in Seunghyun’s arms. It just felt right and he didn’t want to do anything that would ruin the moment. Daesung closed his eyes and just relished in the moment. He didn’t want to think about Seunghyun’s recent secretiveness or the fact they were going to have to get up early in the morning to go to school. He just laid there and decided to feel happy.