The room was eerie as everyone stared at Seungri. They all had reason to dislike him and wanted nothing more than to see him with the pain he had given them. The cancerous feeling inside Seungri was telling him to go back to Taehyun. It was telling him that he was in a room with the enemy and that he needed to leave at once. Seungri tried his best to ignore his internal struggle; he was here because there was a tiny light inside him telling him that this was the right thing. It was telling him that if he stayed he would be able to get rid of the darkness that had been building up inside him for years.

He looked at the faces that were giving him nothing but looks filled with animosity. He realized he had done this; he had put himself in this situation for false hopes. He was now here to make amends despite most of him telling him to go. He was trying his best to keep at the one good deed he was trying to do, but his inner voice kept trying to block out that light.

What are you doing? Leave now.

Deep down he knew he would never achieve what he truly wanted if he stayed with Taehyun, but it was hard to ignore the inner voices inside of him.

You could achieve so much with Taehyun.

It was like a battle he could only win himself.

The dark isn’t that bad; think of all the money, the fame.

A battle that offered tempting sins.

You’ll go back to nothing if you stay with them.

The voice picked and prodded at his fears and offered an alternative to them. He wondered if he could fight it off or end up doing something worse to keep it with him.

They don’t want you anyways, they hate you…

  Seunghyun watched as Seungri sat in front of them. Seungri looked like he was seriously trying to figure out if he should be there. Seunghyun shook his head, this was just too easy. There had to be something up Seungri’s sleeves, he couldn’t be there because he just wanted to stop by and say hi.

 Seunghyun looked at Daesung who had a hard grip on his hand. He could tell he was scared and that he would always be scared when there would be a possibility that it involved Taehyun. Seunghyun squeezed his hand to reassure him that everything would be okay.

He glared at Seungri, “What is it that you want?

Seungri tried to think of a coherent answer, “I wanted a lot of things, but once I got them I realized they were not what I wanted. Now I want something else that I believe I’ll never be able to achieve, so now I just want to make amends.”

“Amends? You want to make amends? How can we trust that you’re being sincere?”

Seungri laughed bitterly, “I can’t even trust myself to do the right thing. I’m just trying to take one step at a time, and then maybe I’ll be able to do it.”

Seunghyun ran a hand through his hair, “Be able to do what?”

“Be happy, find someone that can love me, be number one in someone’s eyes.” He smiled softly, all of that would be nice.

Jiyong gave him a spiteful look, “If you wanted somebody to stay by your side and love you, then, why did you do all those treacherous things to me? To everyone? I looked to you as my brother!”

“No you didn’t, you were like everyone else. You looked down on me and treated me like I was just someone that would follow you around no matter what. I was always your shadow. It was always about Kwon Jiyong, G Dragon, never me. Whenever someone talked about me they would always say ‘oh aren’t you the guy that follows G Dragon around?’ Do you know how degrading that was?”

Jiyong didn’t let his guard down, “That doesn’t justify anything you’ve done. You could have told me how you felt. We could have worked it out.”

“I never said it justified anything, I was just answering your question. Listen, I don’t want to fight. I just want to, help. You want Taehyun right? I can help you with that. I know where he is, I know a lot about him; just let me help you.”

They all looked at each other. It was true that at least three of them wanted Taehyun for the sake of Daesung, but they couldn’t know if Seungri was trustworthy. 

Seungri could tell that all of them were skeptical as to whether he was trustworthy or not. He could see the distrust in all of their eyes and he knew that he deserved it. “I’m sorry, I truly am. I screwed all of you over for something I didn’t even want. I know what I did was evil, vindictive, and that I was deceitful, but I want to help now.” He saw all their skepticism, “I know I everything I did was wrong, but you have to trust me.” He got down on his knees, “You have to. I can’t get rid of it if you don’t forgive me!”

Youngbae stood up from where he was sitting and peered down at him, “Get rid of what?”

He was hesitant to tell them about what was deep inside him. He would expect no sympathy from them. “I can’t get rid of this hole, this deep hole inside me. It just grows and grows, and I can’t rid of it. I just want to get rid of it, I want to feel whole for once.” He stared at the ground unable to face the dispassionate looks on their faces.

You idiot, you shouldn’t have told them anything.

Seungri covered his ears as to keep the voice out of his head. He didn’t want hear it, it made him do bad things and he was a weak person. He had listened to it for a long time and now was the point where he couldn’t take it anymore. All the things that he did because of it rushed through his mind. What he did Seunghyun, Daesung, Jiyong, all of them, it was just too much. He couldn’t take it anymore he just wanted to make amends, but all of them were unaware of his inner demons. They didn’t know that something was wrong Seungri; they didn’t know that he needed help.

You’re so weak.

 He had gone many days listening to his demons but now he was trying to rise against them, and the voices were only getting louder because of it. Now that he was finally trying to do the right thing his internal struggle was turning into a full on war. Now that he was trying to achieve what he really wanted, these voices; the voices that caused him to do evil things; were trying to push him back into darkness.

You can’t fight what you really are; and that is nothing. Stop trying to be something you’re not.

They would only get louder.

Everything you’ve done, it can’t be amended. Forget and go back.

They would only be more discouraging.

People will never want you. You will never have a name.

It was up to Seungri if he would be able to conquer the black hole inside of him.

You won’t win. You can never win.

Daesung tugged Seunghyun’s arm signaling to him that he wanted to go somewhere private. Seunghyun followed him to the back room and waited for him to speak.

“I don’t trust him.” Daesung held Seunghyun’s hand tightly.

Seunghyun gave him a knowing look, “I know you don’t and neither do I, but people can change. It looked like he was trying to.”

“But how can I know if he’s sincere?” Daesung was utterly afraid to be crossed again and made as a fool.

Seunghyun pulled him into a tender hug, “The problem is you can’t, but as I said earlier people can change. You have.”

“I have, haven’t I? It’s only because of you that I had the ability to change and only when I’m around you.” Daesung looked up at Seunghyun, “Who will he have to help him change? I don’t think it could be us.”

“As much as I hate to say it, but who else can help him? It’s us or no one. He’s a lost boy, I can tell. I knew what it felt like to be lost and I don’t know if I could let somebody else fall into something deep like their own sorrows.”

Daesung stayed quiet for a bit, “How can you say that?”

Seunghyun sighed, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m angry and I want nothing more than to take Taeyang up on his offer to beat the crap out of him, but I know if it really came down to it, I wouldn’t be able to lay a hand on him. I’m just not that type of guy, but if he dare lay a hand on you I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“I don’t know if I can go along with him. He was with Taehyun, he could easily be trying to trick us into trusting him.” Daesung was shaking, he didn’t want to have this unyielding fear of Taehyun, but he did.

Seunghyun knew the unrelenting fear Daesung had. It knew it would always be there as long as Taehyun would be in his life. If Seungri was lying to them, it would cause Daesung a lot of harm. Seunghyun didn’t want Daesung to be afraid, but he knew there was nothing to stop those feelings until everything was over and done with. “If that happens, you can bet that I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll be damned if Taehyun touches you again.”

“Do you think he really is trying to change? Could it be true?”

“Anything’s possible. Seungri is a peculiar case, I can’t tell what he’s thinking, we’ll only know from his actions.”

“What if that’s too late?” Daesung couldn’t help but feel worried.

Seunghyun bent down and kissed Daesung’s lips. It was soft and reassuring; only meant to console him and make him feel safe. “I promise you, that he will not hurt you. It doesn’t matter if he is lying because a finger will not be able to touch you. I won’t let it happen.”

Daesung closed his eyes and drank in Seunghyun’s words. He fully trusted Seunghyun and would allow himself to be the fragile being that he was and let Seunghyun take care of him. “You promise?”

“Yes, I promise. No one is allowed to touch you but me, and that’s a fact.” He put his hand on his shoulders and kissed his forehead, “You don’t have to trust Seungri, just as long as you trust me.”

“I trust you completely. I just don’t want my nightmares to come back.”

“I don’t care if I have to sleep in the same bed with you for the rest of your life it means I’ll be able to keep your nightmares away.”

That caused a small smile to appear on Daesung’s face, “Even if I have nightmares when I’m old and I’ve lost my looks?”

“I would be old and my looks would be gone to.”

“I don’t think you’ll ever be ugly.”

“I could say the same for you.” Seunghyun took Daesung’s hand and it with his thumb, “As long as you need me I’ll always be here.”

“Even if I never stop needing you?”

“I hope you’ll never stop because if I can’t protect you, then who am I supposed to protect?”

Daesung wrapped his arms around Seunghyun neck, “No one besides me, you’re mine I already called you.”

“You’re damn right I’m yours.” Seunghyun leaned down and kissed him, this time it was more possessive on Daesung’s part.

“Seunghyun?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think everything’s going to be alright?”

“In the end everything will be.”