Sulli’s POV

I just found myself in a small stall in the middle of the street, who is selling different street foods and soju’s. I need this. I needed to be alone I need to clear my mind.

I’m busy with my fifth bottle of soju when a memory suddenly played in my mind.

It was the day Minho oppa and I made our arrangement.

“Do you really wanna do this?” he asked me, with a strange look in his eyes, was that guilt?

“Do what?” I asked him innocently.

He exhaled deeply, “this. use each other for , nothing else.” He answered like he was saying his favorite food to me.

I was lost for the moment; I suddenly have the urge to kick him out of my unit. What the hell, use each other for ? Like what the ?

But then again, a small voice spoke in my mind saying, pride sulli? You lost all of your pride the moment you lost your ity to that man without him knowing.

And that time, I thought the voice was right. What do I have to lose this time? He already got my dignity. What I have in mind was at least, if I’m going to have with a man, that should be the one and only man in my life. And it was a compensation for my carelessness, I don’t care if its only . I don’t care.

“well, I think I can do that” I answered him confidently

He looked confused for a second, then his face lit up. “really? Great!”

“Of course!” I beamed at him

“wait.. before anything else, you must bear in mind.. not to fall for me”

“What? Why?”

“Because I didn’t know how to love. And I don’t know if I’m going to learn such thing. I’m warning you so that you can protect yourself from heartbreak”

That instant, I knew, there’s no chance for us. Just pure . Nothing else.

And until now, I can feel my chest constrict with the reminder oppa told me to me. I feel like my heart is being crushed. All I can do now is cry, how can I be really foolish?

Minho’s POV

“Hi! It’s sulli, I’m sorry I cant answer your call right now, Please try your call—“ I sighed deeply after pressing the end button, I lost count on how many times I tried to call sulli’s phone. I was starting to feel nervous and worried. Where the hell is that woman?

I look at the time on my phone and I cursed under my breath, it was almost one o’clock in the morning and she is still not home.

I impatiently flopped down at the couch on her living room, still waiting for her to go home.

I’m so stupid.

Really stupid.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to follow the rules. I’m sorry, but.. I know, I should stop myself. But oppa please, you had hurt me enough.. I need my heart back”

I love you.. so much.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to follow the rules. I’m sorry, but.. I know, I should stop myself. But oppa please, you had hurt me enough.. I need my heart back”

I love you.. so much.

Her last words still echoes on my mind, after her little confession to me, she suddenly disappear, after trying to absorb everything she said, I found the courage to follow her outside, but only to be left with a note saying:

“I hope I wont see you here anymore”

And that’s it!, there was no sign of sulli.

She left.

Damnit! She loves me, and I didn’t know I’ve been hurting her already. I didn’t know what she felt. Sulli, sulli… she is everything to me. I cared for her so much. I know I was jerk, and coward call me with any names, I wont disagree.

If you think I knew little things about her, well you’re wrong. I know, I know everything about her, from what school she had attended, to her hobbies, I even knew about that accident happened when she was a kid that happened to killed her dad, I was just too carried away last time that I forgot that about it. Sulli was someone I treasured most. The very last person I want to be hurt, but look.. I didn’t know I was hurting her.

I’ve been really trying to forget her, I dont her to be hurt by me, but still I always found myself in front of her unit. I can resist her. I always long her sweet voice, her soft skin, her kisses.

damn! I like her. 

And I was too naïve to think that she will not fall in love with me, because it was very clear I can’t love her back. I can’t, I’m not capable of loving someone.

but at the same time, the thought of losing her kills me.  I need her. i badly need her.

My mind were still wondering on where possible the hell she can be right now, when the door suddenly open and a stumbling woman enter, I was trying to calm myself upon seeing her, I was angry and worried at the same time, angry because, I am the one who did this to her. But yet I am really worried about her, I wanted to know If she was safe or not.

Her hair were messed, she cant even walk straight and her head is down, I bet she didn’t even know I’m here. What the hell happened to her?! Oh god.

I walked towards her. “Sulli- are you okay? where have you bee—“ I stop asking her when I saw her eyes. Her eyes were swollen and red. I silently cursed myself, blaming everything to myself. I’m so stupid.

“What are you still doing here? I guess you know how to read and understand the message I left on my note right?” I can barely understand what she was saying because of her drunkenness. My forehead creased  “I was waiting for you, sull.. I was worried, where have you been?”

She smiled “Oh really now?, why would you care? Because, the last time I remember, you don’t want any affection, hell you don’t even know how to love!” her voice were loud, anger is evident, she then ignore me and she went straight to her room, stumbling a couple of times until she reached inside.

I sighed deeply and followed her. My heart sank as I saw her this weak, I never saw her like this, she was always bubbly and carefree. “sull, please stop crying, please” I beg, seeing her in this kind of state makes me want to punch myself, I’m such a jerk!

She smiled at me and laugh loudly, and it was obvious that she was faking it, she was laughing so hard that tears were started to form in the corner of her eyes. “I didn’t know you could be so funny oppa, really!”

I walk closer to her, and hold her in her shoulders. I don’t know what to do, I didn’t know I hurt her enough that everytime I touch her now, she tried to move away like, my touch is burning her. She struggle away from me holding her. “Get away from me, Minho” she whispered, my heart is being stabbed by her words “sull, please let’s talk” I walked closer to her again, but she step back away from me again. I hate it, I hate it when she’s being like this to me.

“Oppa, please, I don’t want to talk right now, can you just leave me and rest?” she beg her eyes were so sad, her voice was so soft that I went to her and hugged her tightly. “I was just worried sull, especially when you’re still not home and its already one o’clock in the morning, I can’t even contact your phone, don’t do that again, sull, please. Do you understand?” I know she was surprised that I was calling her, where in fact she doesn’t know I have her number. “you called me?” I know she will asked. “yes” “but how, you didn’t asked my number.” She asked in disbelief, “I have my ways sull” I told her, I know she was thinking that maybe I asked it from luna or others.

She was looking at me, confused.  I then cupped her face and place a kiss on her lips. She looked so vulnerable and sweet. I can feel my heart thumped rapidly against my chest just by staring at her face. Minho you’re in big trouble.

You more than like her. damn

“I’m sorry.. I’m really sorry sull, I didn’t mean to hurt you, please believe me. I didn’t intend to hurt you” I said again as I looked straight into my eyes, I know I’ve been telling her how I’m sorry since she arrived, but hell, that’s what I wanted, her forgiveness. “but you still hurt me” she said in a soft sad voice “I know” I answered.

“you are important to me sull, please don’t leave me.. I cant.. I cant take it” I told her honestly as I hugged her again tightly. “Can you gave me a chance sull? Give me a chance to return your love? I don’t want to lose you. I know I’m not capable of loving at the moment, but I’ll try.. I will really try.” I know she wasn’t expecting this from me, but while I’m still figuring out what she is really to me, I want her to be my side, selfish I know. I heard her sobbing, oh! She’s crying again. My poor baby.

“shhh, stop crying now please, it’s breaking my heart baby.” I said again as I planted a kiss in the top of her head.

“Why the hell, out of all people, I fall in love with you?, tss you conceited jerk” she said suddenly, still sobbing. I laughed at her, she was now looking at me like a child while crying, how cute she can be?

“Because, I’m hot, and gorgeous.” I heard her chuckled and she push me a little, “oh!, that’s too much of humility Mr. Choi” she glared at me, I flashed her my jaw-dropping smile, and she tried to smile back. “I am being humble here, Ms. Choi” I said and pinch  her nose. “do you know how much I hate you?” she asked again, glaring. “Oh, yes I know that you love me” I grin answering her.

“looked baby, I will not promise not to hurt you again, but I’m asking for a chance, but I really want you to be my side, while I’m figuring out what I really feel. I know this is unfair to you, but please, trust me baby”

She gave me a small smile then answer “I was hurt enough, but. I’m willing, hopefully, my decision is right, but what can I do? I really love you” I guess it was the sweetest words I heard.

“thank you sull, thank you” I hugged her again, she hugged me back tightly, not until I heard her breath steady, dang! She fall asleep.

But what makes my heart happy is that, she was smiling.

I didn’t even told her, I love her. But still she’s happy.

“sleep tight baby. I love you” I whispered, as I lay her in her bed.

Damn you Choi, for being selfish. And coward.

everything, but still I end up giving him the chance to prove himself, what I’m just praying right now, is that my decision is right.