Monday morning I head straight to my locker, pulling out my books that I left during the weekend. I didn’t need them, but for school, they require us to bring certain books back. As I take out my History book, I look at my bracelet that Luhan gave me on our date. We’ll be together forever, I repeat in my head while smiling like an idiot.

  “Good morning, Baozi!” Luhan exclaims from behind me and wraps an arm around me. He pecks my cheek.

  “Good morning, Hannie.”

  He lets me go and purses his lips. “I prefer Lulu,” he sings, “But… I do like how it sounds like Honey just like what you said.”

  I blush. I shouldn’t have said that in the first place and kept his nickname as Lulu. Suddenly, I realize Chen was standing next to Luhan. “Good morning, Chen.”

  He grins. “Good morning, Xiumin.” With those words, he fled the scene towards our classroom.

  I probably was hurting him. After all, I haven’t been talking to Chen as much as I did before unlike Luhan whom I have been speaking to more frequently. I didn’t even notice he was there the whole time! I’m becoming a bad friend.

  “Let’s go?” Luhan offers his arm and I spot his bracelet.

  “I’m going to get a snack real quick. You go ahead and go to class.”

  He hesitates. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Alright.” He walks to the opposite direction where I would be heading. After a few more steps, he turns around and makes a heart with his hands and mouths, “I love you!”

  I blush and bow my head. I can never seem to find the words or gestures to say what I feel about Luhan. No matter how much I want to, my body won’t cooperate. When I raise my head, Luhan was gone. I rush downstairs near the cafeteria to grab a snack. On my way there, a voice calls out to me. I look around to see Kris coming up to me. “Hey Kris,” I greet.

  “Good morning, Xiumin.”

  I was expecting him to say more since we rarely speak due to the fact we’re always in different classes. I usually see him with Luhan when I’m busy, but when I am there, he’s usually with his other friends. I’ve only spoken to him about once a month every year.

  Since neither of us says a word, I grab a snack and start towards class. “I’ll see you later, Kris.”

  Just as I was about to leave, he says, “So you really love Luhan, don’t you?”

  I stop in my tracks. Why would ask such a question? “Yeah, why?”

  “What about Chen?”

  “Huh?”

  “What do you think about Chen?”

  What’s with these questions? “He’s just a friend. Nothing more and nothing less.”

  “Okay. How is he?”

  “Chen? He’s the same old, same old and he’s doing well I believe.” I can’t say more since I haven’t been hanging out with him as much. But why is he asking about him? He rarely speaks to Chen and I don’t even know if they know each other personally. It feels as if this conversation is coming to an end as the atmosphere becomes awkward.

  “That’s good.” He manages a half smile. “Could you give him something for me?” He takes out a letter sealed with a tiny strip of tape. “If he replies, tell him to give it to you and meet me here in the mornings.”

  “O-okay.” I hold the letter in my hand.

  “Thanks.” He pats my shoulder before leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow or whenever.” With those words, he waves and walks away.

 A snack in one hand and a letter in the other, I munch on my snack while examining the letter as I walk back to class. I wonder what was in the letter, but I didn’t dare to open it. It would be obvious if I did.

  When I enter the classroom, I head straight to Chen who was sitting at his desk. I hold out the letter to him, “This is from Kris.”

  Chen’s face turns pale which confuses me. He takes the letter and hides it with a smile. “Thanks.”

  I bow and head to my desk. Well, this is going to be a long day.

  By the end of the day, Chen comes up to me and hands me a folded up piece of paper. “Here. Give this to Kris whenever you have the chance,” he says bluntly.

  I take his note and stuff it in my pocket. I’ll have to meet him in the morning unless I can find him right now. “Okay.”

  “You ready, Chen?” Luhan asks while coming up to us. Today he doesn’t have rehearsals, so he could walk Chen home today. He turns to me. “Bye, Baozi! I’ll see you tomorrow!” He blows a kiss and once again, I couldn’t return it. Luhan pouts, but shakes it off.

  Just as they were about to leave the classroom, Chen grabs onto the back of Luhan’s shirt and pulls him back. “W-wait.” His eyes were to the door as his face turns pale once again.

  Kris strides in with his hands in his pocket. He has this playful smirk on as he eyes the three of us. I see Chen gulping as he stares at him with wide eyes. Instead of going up to Chen to see if he had a letter, he comes up to me and holds out a hand without a word. I know what he’s implying so I take out the letter and hand it to him. The same way he walked in, he walks out coolly and without exchanging any words.

  I notice Chen heaving out a sigh as his body relaxes. “Okay, we can go now.” He smiles at Luhan.

  “Ah…” Luhan’s eyeing me but doesn’t say a word.

  I gather my stuff before leaving. As I turn a corner, someone slams me against the wall, hands on both sides of my shoulder, blocking me from escaping. I let out a small whimper as my eyes shut tight. I can feel this person’s breath against me. After I recover, I open my eyes to see Kris in front of me. “What’s wrong Kris?” I ask as his eyes were scary.

  “You have to promise me this: You will never hurt Chen or else I will punish you.”

  I gulp and nod my head stiffly. What’s with his expression?

  He drops his hands, but keeps the same distance away from me. His head drops as his voice comes in shaky, “Don’t become like me.”

  “What?”

  He raises his head and they glisten for some reason. His lips tremble as he places a smile. “Nothing. Just don’t hurt my Chen Chen, okay?”

  Chen Chen? I am very confused now.

  Kris pats my head considering he is way taller than me. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning at that same place, okay? I’ll give you another letter to give him.”

  I nod my head. Why can’t I say any words right now?

  He walks away.

  I stand there for a moment, sinking everything in. Why is everything becoming so confusing right now?

~*~

  And so, meeting Kris near the cafeteria was a routine. I would always give Chen a letter as Chen would send one back, but every time that does happen, I would always notice both of their expressions change from their usual demeanor. I just don’t know why.

 As for Luhan, I don’t know why he’s avoiding me. Ever since the Monday, he’s been turning a cold shoulder towards me. I try not taking it to heart, but it just hurts me seeing him like that. Maybe it’s because I don’t return his love gestures and he finally has enough of it. I hope that’s not why he’s angry because I don’t like being this way.

  It’s now Friday and my birthday is coming up tomorrow. I don’t want this tension to keep up so I decide to meet Luhan at the roof during lunch. At first he didn’t want to come with me, but I insisted and literally dragged him out of the classroom, holding his wrist tightly in my grasp. The whole way there, we didn’t speak.

  Now that I have him alone, I can speak to him privately.

  “Why are you acting this way, Luhan?” He should know I’m being serious now.

  He turns his head with a, “Hmph!”

  “Luhan, you have to tell me what I did wrong! I don’t like being this way! I don’t like seeing you mad at me.” I feel a sting in my heart as those words come out of my mouth.

  He bites his bottom lip and gives in. “It’s because you’ve been with Kris this whole week, exchanging these letters. We’re together, you know, so why are you being so close to Kris all of a sudden. People are thinking that you’re cheating on me with him because they see you with him near the cafeteria! I told you, you’re the only one for me and I won’t let you go!” Tears were forcing their way out of his eyes.

  Those words truly sting my heart. I reach out to him. “Lu-”

  He takes a step back. “You haven’t even said you love me! I’m the one who’s been showing all the love while you just shy away. It hurts.” He places a hand to his heart. “I feel like you’re only using me and you don’t actually love me. I don’t understand you, Xiumin!”

  “Listen to me. I-” I couldn’t say any more as his expression turns hostile. I know he has this stubborn side. I noticed it when he confessed to me for the first time. I had to do something to get his attention, but how?

  I step closer to the edge of the rails. I shut my eyes tightly, knowing I would regret this later on in my life. “I-If y-you don’t listen to me…” I look down and see many students eating lunch, laughing and talking. “I’m going to jump.”

  This grabs his attention. His doe eyes stare deep into mine as he steps closer towards me.

   I grip the rails tighter and place one leg on the other side of the rail. Yupp, I’m going to regret this, but I need him to listen. “Y-Yeah. I-I’m going to jump! I need you to listen to me.”

  “Xiumin, stop that. Get down from there.” He reaches out for me, but I swing my other leg around. I’m now sitting on top of the rails, holding the rails tighter than ever.

  I gulp as I notice it would be a long fall. Just don’t think about it. I’m being an idiot right now, but I need him to know the truth. “I’m not cheating on you with Kris. In fact, I’m in love with you, but sometimes I need my freedom. And, the reason why I don’t do those gestures is because I’m shy and I was hoping you would know my true feelings even without the lovey-dovey stuff.” I take a deep breath as I turn my head towards him. “I love you, Lulu no matter what. I’ll never cheat on you. I promise.”

  I can Luhan was feeling guilty, but he would admit it. Instead, he holds out a hand and says, “If you really mean those words, then come back here.”

  I didn’t want to let go of the rails because I was afraid that I would fall. Instead, I hold on tighter as my eyes drop to the ground. I feel queasy, but I try not thinking about it. “Uhm. Could you give me a moment?” Ah! I don’t want to fall!

  Luhan grabs my arm. “Okay, just one step at a time.”

  I grab his free arm as I swing a leg over the railing. I swing the other around, but trip along the way. For a moment, I felt fear as I imagine myself dropping from the roof to the ground below me. But instead I land flat on my stomach against Luhan.

  He lets out grunt.

  My head rests against his chest, feeling it rise and fall with his breathing. His heart was beating fast just like mine as I was afraid I would fall to my death. Luhan wraps a protective arm around me and buries his face into my hair. “Don’t be scared. I’m here.”

  We lie there like this for a while, enjoying this position. I know I can trust him. I know no matter what hardships hits us in the face we’ll always overcome it just like today.

  I raise my head and peck his cheeks.

  He smiles and pushes my head back down against his chest. “Let’s stay like this for a bit.”

  I nod my head. I hope this relationship will never end just like what our bracelets represent.

---

*Author's Note:

  If you haven't noticed, on the foreword I have added a song! :D I figured out how to add music! It took me a long time to figure it  out! XD