How long has it been since I've been moping around about Luhan? I'm trying my best to forget him, but I practically see him everyday. However, he's not the only one I see occassionally. I also see Chen and he gives me little bits of happiness that I have thought I lost. With him, I'm able to smile again. With him, I'm able to laugh. With him, I can slowly feel my heart mending.

  Could I be falling for him?

  Maybe. Maybe not.

  It's still too early to decide.

  By the end of the day, I head straight home, but before I can leave the school, Chen meets me up by the doorway with his usual bright smile on his face. I can't help but smile back at him as my heart leaps with joy. How come he's able to make my heart soar just like Luhan? Maybe I'm too sensitive. I would like not to think that Chen's being a rebound because I hate the feeling of hurting someone.

  "Let's go," Chen says while grabbing my wrist. He usually walks me home now and then even though our houses are on the opposite direction. Of course, I don't object to his offer and let him lead me home.

  This time, instead of watching him go after dropping me off, I ask him to come inside. "We can do our homework together," I add because I really don't want him to leave just yet. I wonder what he's thinking in his mind right now because he looks a bit shocked. This isn't the first time I've offered him to come inside, but then again, that was before he confessed to me.

  He stands there for a moment before giving in and walks up to my room.

 It's cozy in here, but I only have one desk, so I had to pull up another chair so we could share the small space. A couple of times, my elbow would bump into his, causing him to make a mark on his paper. He erases it without a word while I mutter a quiet, "Sorry." Why am I being like this? I don't usually act this quiet around him.

  What's even more distracting is the heat. Even though he's a few ways away from me, I could feel his heat radiating against my body. I feel it transfer to me and I can't help but sweat a little. I stand up from my chair and say, "I'm going to change real quick." I grab some clothes and head to the bathroom where I change into a regular T-shirt and shorts. Ah, I feel a little bit better.

  I sit back on my chair, but still feel this strange sensation on my body. Strange, it seems Chen isn't affected by it. I'm probably over reacting about something that's not important. As I'm doing my homework, I can't help, but take a few glances back at him.

  Chen's unmoving except for his hand as he scribbles down his answers on our homework. I catch him chewing the end of his eraser a few times. I'm not sure how long I've been staring at him, but when he looks back at me, I'm caught off guard. My cheek flush and I turn my head away.

  He chuckles which causes my heart to flutter even more. What's going on with me? "Do you not understand anything?" He asks without taking his eyes off of me.

  I shake my head. "It's nothing." Ah, my heart is beating so quickly right now. "Uhm, do you want anything to drink or something to snack on?" I offer. After all, this is my house, so I really should treat him like a guest.

  "No, I'm okay. Thanks for the offer though."

  Ugh, I don't know why, but hearing him being so calm bothers me. I tap my foot and my pencil against the desk. I don't know if he's annoyed by it, but he doesn't say anything, so I continue. Why am I feeling so anxious right now? Why do I have so many mized feelings right now. I want to know. I want to understand why I'm acting this way, but how can I figure it out? What can I do to understand my feelings?

  I turn my head back to him. "C-Chen," I stutter. My heart feels like it could burst right out of my chest.

  Chen finishes his last question before looking up to me. "What is it?"

  What can I do? What can I do to understand these feelings? I close my eyes and lean towards him. I grab the back of his neck and kiss his lips softly. A spark flows through me. My heart beats irregularly and my cheeks flare red. In my mind, I was telling myself not to let him go. I didn't want to as he's trapped in my grasp.

  I can't believe it when he returns the kiss, chewing lightly on my bottom lip. This little action makes me grow crazy. I in a breath and tighten my hold on him. Please, don't stop.

  He doesn't as his hands roam around my body, giving me light sparks everywhere he touches me.

  I want more.

  It's as if Chen could hear my mind because he releases my lips and kisses down my neck, leaving short stings every time he and nibbles on one spot. I let out a soft moan as I quietly call out his name, "Chen..."

  At that moment, he stops everything and pushes me away. I'm not sure what I look like right now, but I'm nearly aroused. I want more, but his expression causes doubts in my mind. His eyes are wide as they glisten from tears that were starting to form. A trembling hand covers his mouth as he's lost for words at that moment. Then, he stands up and bows. "I'm sorry. I have to go." He gathers his stuff and bows once more before escaping my room.

  I don't know why I didn't chase after him. I guess it's because I was shocked, too. What the hell was I doing? I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have kissed him like that, but I can tell we both wanted it. We both wanted to touch each other. He was denying it just like what I did to him. What is wrong with me?

  Could I be falling in love with him? 

  No, it seems so wrong! I can't do that to him! I can't hurt him like this! What if he thinks I kissed him because I needed comfort. Could that be why I kissed him? No, it can't be because he's comforted me enough and that was just... That was just something else. I don't understand my heart. Why is it being so sensitive? Why can't I be strong like everyone else? Why do I have to be so vulnerable in love? Maybe I shouldn't love in the end, but then, wouldn't that just hurt me more? Wouldn't the fact that I've given up hurt me even more?

  I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to handle everything, but I just know these strange feelings I'm getting towards Chen is not a mistake. I know I kissed him for a reason. I'm just worried if I chose the wrong time to kiss him. I'm not sure if that was the right decision because I don't want to lose another person close to me again.