Hi people :)

This update is slightly shorter than usual, because I'm now in Spain, so I'm busier than usual.

Enjoy.

It takes me a while to get back to normal again after seeing Kris, the nightmares persist for a couple more weeks, and I really live up to my panda nickname as the bags under my eyes darken. The others didn’t ask what had upset me; I think Baekhyun had told them something vague, although Jongin obviously understood completely.

Surprisingly, he’s become one of the pillars of strength in my life; he went from the person hurting me to the person supporting me. He’s someone I can talk to whenever I want about the things that I’m struggling with that I don’t want to discuss with the others.

I think he feels a duty to help me, although I hope that’s not the only reason he does; I’d like it if he thought of me as a true friend rather than someone he’s obliged to be nice to in order to redeem himself of past wrongs.

I'm so wrapped up in my own problems that it takes me a while to notice that someone else iss suffering too. In fact, I don’t notice until it's blaringly obvious that something is wrong.  

Two months after the Kris incident.

I walk into the kitchen at two in the morning for a drink of water, to find Luhan sitting at the table with his head in his hands and an empty bottle of alcohol next to him. I grab some water and sit down opposite to him.

He lifts his head slightly, looking at me quickly and acknowledging my presence, before hiding his face again. In that short second, I got a good view of his face, without makeup, and I’m now filled with concern. He looks almost as tired as me; the bags under his eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen on him before, even in exam term last year, and his eyes are slightly bloodshot.

I wonder how I’ve never noticed this before, how no one has noticed this. Maybe it’s because he has his own room and can therefore hide more easily.

I hesitate to speak, but do as my concern takes over. “Do you want to talk about it Luhan? You’ve done enough listening to me over the last few weeks, now it’s my turn. I’ll help you if I can.”

Luhan looks up at me, and I can see the effect that the alcohol has had on him. Suddenly I’m worried the alcohol will cause him to tell me more than he’s comfortable with, but before I can speak he lets out a huge sigh.

“I’m afraid you’d feel betrayed if I told you. It’s better to just work this out on my own.”

I frown, disagreeing with the last statement, but choosing to ask about the first one first. “Why would I feel betrayed Luhan? You’re my friend.”

“That’s exactly the problem!” Luhan says, with a bit more force than necessary. I lean back in my seat, observing the previously restrained frustration and guilt displayed across his face. “You’re my friend, I shouldn’t do this!”

I’m incredibly confused now, “shouldn’t do what Luhan?” Luhan ignores my question and rambles on, “You’d think I’d be able to control my feelings at this age wouldn’t you? But no, every emotion I’ve ever felt seems to be so much stronger now. It’s driving me crazy.”

I frown, understanding only a little of the situation and decide to just listen as Luhan continues, “It’s so frustrating, you know? Why did this have to happen? I was perfectly fine before I saw him. Now, look what I’ve done and gone.”

“What have you done Luhan?” I ask, deciding to just try and get a straight answer out of him.

Luhan looks at me, expression pained as though the words are physically painful to say. “I’ve fallen for someone you hate the most.”

I’m unable to speak, but it proves unnecessary for the moment because Luhan suddenly grabs my hand across the table, “I’m sorry Tao, I’m a terrible friend. I’ve tried my best though, I really have, but it’s hard. I hate him because he’s made me feel this way and I know I shouldn’t because it will hurt you, but at the same time I don’t hate him, I can’t hate him, because I like him.”

He sits frozen for a second, as if absorbing everything he’s just said, just as I am, before his face crumples and he starts to cry. I’m shocked. I’ve never seen Luhan like this before and I blame the alcohol for making him lose his self control, but that’s not important right now. All I can see is my friend hurting.

I stand up and walk around the table, sitting down in a seat next to him before gently, but firmly, pulling towards me and hugging him. He struggles at first, before suddenly losing his strength and slumping in my arms. “I don’t understand.” He says, “Why don’t you hate me?”

I pull back, looking down at him, observing his swollen eyes and tear streaked face. I run my fingers gently over his cheeks, wiping away the tears, before answering. “You’re my friend Luhan. I could never hate you. You can’t control how you feel; it doesn’t work that way, so stop feeling guilty, I would never hold your feelings against you.”

He gives me a wobbly smile before bursting into tears again, this time relieved tears I think, and clinging to me. Oh man, he really has drunk too much.

I decide to try and get him to bed; he needs sleep to fight the hangover he’ll have tomorrow.

This proves more difficult than I’d anticipated; Luhan is only just able to walk and I have to support most of his weight for him. Once we finally get into his room, I lead him to the bed and push him down as gently as possible. I tug off his shoes and socks, chucking them on the floor at the end of the bed before fighting to get his skinny jeans off.

Once I’ve completed that, I tug him upright and tell him to raise his arms so I can take his shirt off. He’s almost asleep at this point so in the end I work with one arm at a time. Eventually he’s just in his boxers and I pull the duvet over him, watching as he snuggles down, almost unconscious already. I smooth his fringe off his face before leaving and returning with a glass of water and two pills to put by his bed. His head is going to be killing him tomorrow.

I feel exhausted by the time I finally return to my room; dealing with a drunk and upset Luhan has taken all my energy from me, and I collapse into bed, drifting off almost instantly.

Surprisingly, I wake up in to the sound of my alarm feeling as though I’ve had the best sleep I’ve had in a while. I sneak out of the room, as is my routine, and head to the roof. As I go through my exercises, my thoughts drift to what Luhan had said the night before. I have a small idea of who he might have fallen for, but I’ll have to wait a while before I can be certain.

I feel terrible though; that he’d got himself into that state by worrying that I would be upset. Of course if it’s someone that I ‘hate the most’ then I probably wont be happy with Luhan dating them, and it would make me uncomfortable seeing them together, but I would never try to prevent them dating if it made Luhan happy.

When I make my way into the kitchen an hour and a half later, to eat breakfast before heading to the lecture I’ve got scheduled for today, I find Luhan in there too, with the others. He looks rough, which is to be expected, and to be honest I’m impressed that he’s made it in here and isn’t just going to sleep it off.

I wonder if he remembers last night, I think to myself. My question is answered a few seconds later, when Luhan turns his head to see who’s walking in. He meets my eyes, before looking away, a slight blush spreading on his face in obvious embarrassment. That would be a yes then.

I grab some breakfast, my usual, before sitting down opposite him.

I start eating, and glance up at him when he says quietly so the others can’t hear him “thanks for the tablets and the water.”

I give him a small smile, “no problem.”

He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “Are you seriously not mad at me?”

I lean back in my chair before shaking my head, “I don’t care who you like, as long as you’re happy…. And they don’t hurt you.” I add the last part with a slightly scary tone, and his eyes widen before he laughs in surprise, “Oh I can cope with this brat, don’t worry.”

I smirk in approval, before standing. I walk round the table to go to the sink patting his shoulder on the way. I greet a sleepy eyed Baekhyun on the way out before going to my lecture.

As I’m heading to the gym four hours later, I bump into Luhan again. He smiles at me in greeting and we chat as we walk together through the campus. Just as we’re about to separate so he can go to the dorms, his words stop abruptly. I glance at him to see his eyes wide and his body tense. He looks at me suddenly, mannerisms slightly wild.

I follow his previous gaze to have my suspicions confirmed. On the path, just ahead of us, is Sehun; his gaze fixed on Luhan’s face. I’m unable to identify the emotions displayed on his face so I turn to Luhan who’s waiting nervously for me to speak.

“Is this him?” I ask in a low voice. He nods silently in response.

Sehun’s gaze switches to me when I step forward and I stride over to him, grabing his arm, dragging him off with me. I hear Luhan gasp and start following, but I wave my hand, signalling for him to stay behind. I hear him sigh in surrender and whisper something like “please don’t hurt him.”

Sehun struggles against my grip as I manhandle him around the corner and into an alleyway between two dorm buildings. I shove him up against the wall and he gasps as his back connects with the bricks.

He opens his mouth to speak but I beat him to it. “I’ll make this short as I obviously don’t like you,” I say. “Do you like Luhan?”

His eyes widen in surprise and I give him a little shake, “do you?”

“Yes!” he practically yells as I shake him again. I release him and step back, meeting his glare with a look of my own that’s just as fierce.

“If you hurt him,” I continue, “I swear to God I will hurt you so bad.”

His glare weakens slightly in surprise, before his face reddens lightly. He looks away before growling, “I said I like him. I’m not going to hurt him.”

I examine his expression, and nod, satisfied that the emotions on his face are genuine. I shoot him one last glare before saying, “don’t forget this. You’d better treat him well.”

I turn away from him and head back the way we came. As I round the corner, I see a frantic Luhan standing there. When he sees me, he rushes up, grabbing my arm, “are you ok?” I nod. “Is he ok?” I nod again. He sags against me in relief.

“What did you do?” he questions. I shake my head, unwilling to answer. He sighs in slight exasperation before looking me in the eye and asking “are you really ok with this?”

I stare right back at him, before leaning in and whispering in his ear “go get him Luhan.” With that, I lean back, smirking at how wide his eyes have gotten, before walking past him and continuing on to the gym.

As I’m there, lifting weights, I find myself surprised with how I’m so ok with the idea of Luhan dating Sehun. Sehun is loyal, I know that much, so I know he will treat Luhan well to a certain degree. Also, as I’d shoved him up against that wall, I’d seen more emotion displayed on his face than ever before.

Maybe Luhan will be good for him, just like Kyungsoo was with Jongin. I wonder whether Sehun’s told Lay and Chanyeol though. I doubt they’ll take well to the idea of another of their gang finding a boyfriend, especially as I’m sure they’re homophobic.

As the song changes on my Ipod, I decide to put thoughts of Sehun out of my mind and just concentrate on the burn in my shoulders and arms as I increase the weight on the bar I’m lifting.

Hope you liked, I know this fic probably isn't going the way you're expecting, but I need to tie up some loose ends before I can move on with the plot properly.

Love you all, and leave a comment :D I swear I'm getting addicted to this.