Hi guys :) Turns out I have more free time today than I thought. Here you go :) I hope you like it... :/

At breakfast I sit with my back to the rest of the room, hoping to just keep my head down and avoid attention and Baekhyun and I are soon joined by Luhan and a sleepy Kyungsoo.

I glance up at Kyungsoo to say hi and gasp, feeling as though I’ve been punched. Next to him, standing just behind him with his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, is Jongin.

I stand up, feeling my heart rate climb in my chest, and I’m about to ask him what the hell he’s doing here when I trail my eyes down his arm to find his hand linked with Kyungsoo, their fingers tangled together. I flick my eyes between them, trying to comprehend the fact that they are obviously a couple.

Jongin, who previously had his eyes shut and had looked like he was sleeping on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, opens his eyes. He looks around blearily, trying to work out why they’re just standing there before his gaze comes to rest on me and he just looks at me for a second

His eyes widen suddenly in recognition and I see him tense up. We stare at each other for a moment, examining what we can see in each other’s eyes.

I’m sure that in mine he can see anger and hurt which is to be expected, but I’m surprised at what I can see in his eyes. Rather than the disgust, anger and hatred I remember seeing in his face, I see a confusing mixture of shock, horror and something I can’t quite place, but which looks surprisingly like regret.

I feel a hand on my shoulder from behind and sense that Baekhyun is now standing up behind me.

“Tao, what’s wrong?” he asks, obviously alarmed at my sudden defensive behaviour.

I finally drag my eyes from Jongin to Kyungsoo who’s staring at me uncertainly, his eyes wide and innocent. I find myself unable to say anything that might hurt him and turn my glare back to Jongin. His eyes are wide, his expression strained.

“Nothing,” I reply coldly, “I’ve just lost my appetite.”

I place down the glass that’s in my hand and bend down, grabbing my bag from the floor.

I turn to Baekhyun, ignoring his worried expression, “see you later.”

I turn, walking past a frozen Jongin and weave my way through the mess of people and tables as I fight to control the emotions bubbling to the surface within me. I stalk out through the main doors and turn sharp left as I check the time on my phone and see that I have just fifteen minutes before my first lecture of the day.

I decide to get there early and walk quickly to the building, trying to work off some of my stress.

When I arrive, I look around and see that I’m not the only one who’d decided to get here early. Most of the seats are occupied but I spot a few spare seats scattered around and pick one next to the friendliest looking guy.

“Excuse me” I ask, forcing out a friendly tone despite my mood, “is this seat taken?”

He looks up, taking in my appearance and his face breaks into a gentle smile as he shakes his head slightly, pulling the chair out for me.

I am pleasantly surprised as normally people take one look at my face when I’m in a bad mood and then do their best to get away from me. I sit down next to him, pulling out my books and when I’ve got everything ready for the class, I turn to him bowing and introducing myself.

His eyes widen in recognition and he smiles again, “ah, I’ve heard of you!”

I frown slightly and he continues, “I’m Chen’s roommate Joonmyun.”

“Ah, hi” I say in relief, “pleased to meet you. I’m glad I’ve finally found someone who’s doing the same course as me.”

I can feel myself calming down slightly as I talk with him.

The class goes quiet as the professor walks in.

I stand up, stretching my arms over my head after a two hour long lecture, and pack my stuff quickly, wanting to get outside as fast as possible; my previous anger has just returned as my mind drifts back to the sudden appearance of Jongin.

I walk out with Joonmyun and we part ways outside the main entrance as he heads off to meet someone.

I check my timetable on my phone and decide, seeing as I have a few hours until my next lecture, to go into town to get some food as I’m hungry after skipping most of my breakfast.

I cut down a quiet path around the back of a building, hoping it comes out at a road heading into the town centre. I turn a corner and come face to face with two people I really do not want meet.

Sehun and Lay stalk towards me predatorily and I feel my pulse rate pick up as adrenaline kicks in. Chanyeol’s fist comes out of nowhere, taking me by surprise as I'd not seen him standing in a doorway, and I react fast, but not fast enough and I collide with the ground.

I rub my sore cheek and roll out of the way of an incoming kick, pulling myself upward, raising an arm to block a punch before kicking him in the stomach hard and sending him staggering back into the wall behind him.

My anger makes me stronger as I fend off attacks from Lay and Sehun from both sides and successfully land a hard punch to Lay’s shoulder.

He hisses in pain and backs off, gripping his shoulder with his other hand and glaring at me.

I duck, sensing an incoming attack from behind me and twist away, dodging Sehun’s approaching fist and whirling around, swinging my leg high and taking him by surprise as my foot connects with the back of his head, sending him to his knees.

I face them, taking in the scene of the three boys clutching various body parts and glaring at me in shock.

“You stay the hell away from me!” I snarl angrily. “I’ve spent too much of my life putting up with crap from you. Don’t come near me again.”

With that, I spin on my heel, stalking off and heading to town to go to the closest food vendor, planning on taking food to the roof to calm down.

As I climb the stairs to the roof I check behind me regularly, unwilling to let people find my new hideout. I sit by the edge, enjoying the peace and the view and eating my food slowly and plug in my ear phones, picking a fun and upbeat song in an attempt to cheer myself up.

When I finish eating, I lie on my back, head resting against my bag, looking up at the sky. I watch the clouds passing, tracing their outlines with my gaze and forming shapes in my mind.

I eventually close my eyes and let myself relax completely.

Twenty minutes later I feel a shadow fall over my face and snap my eyes open to see a figure standing over me. I sit up sharply, my body automatically forming a defensive position.

I relax my stance a little and narrow my eyes when I see a quiet Jongin standing there, as random thought of how did he find me flits through my head.

“What do you want?” I growl. “Are you here to beat me up? Are you going to tell me what a worthless piece of I am? You’ve done enough damage, just stay away from me.”

I move to walk past him but he reaches out, grabbing my wrist. I twist out of his grip and raise my fist to strike him.

I freeze my arm in shock, stopping its progress towards him, as I watch him make no attempt to defend himself; he simply closes his eyes and waits for the impact of my fist with his face.

I step back, confused and he opens his eyes slowly, peering at me, his eyes soft. I move further away, frustrated as I try to understand the meaning behind his actions. “What do you want Jongin?” I demand. “Why are you here?”

I watch him silently as he hesitates, unsure of how to say what he’s trying to say.

Finally he opens his mouth and speaks slowly, watching me carefully for my reaction.

“I know this is probably going to make you want to punch me even more and I know that I have no right to be even standing before you after what I’ve done to you,” he says, “but I… I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” His words start coming out in a rush as though he’s trying to get everything out before I attack him.

I stare at him for a long while and he shifts uncomfortably, obviously not expecting such a non-violent reaction.

“What the hell Jongin?” I ask. “How am I supposed to believe this? I don’t understand.”

He looks at the floor, shifting his weight back and forth between his two feet as he tries to work out an appropriate answer to convince me that he means his apology.

“Back when we were at school,” he says, glancing up at me uncertainly before continuing, “my parents were going through a rocky time in their relationship and it got so bad that they decided to divorce. I was angry; it hurt so badly. It felt like I meant nothing to them and every night after school I had to listen to them screaming at each other, accusing each other of crazy things and throwing blame all over the place.”

He pauses, checking my face for any sign of reluctance to listen. “I was so angry back then” he sighs. “Like I said, it was horrible.”

He raises his hand to stop me as I open my mouth to speak indignantly.

“I know,” he says, “what I did to you was horrible and I am so incredibly ashamed of myself, but I need you to know why I did it. I took the anger I felt towards my parents and turned it on you instead. It made me feel more powerful and lessened the feeling of the helplessness I felt as I witnessed my family falling apart.”

I take in everything he's said, and then ask, “So what’s changed? What made you change?”

He leads me to the edge of the roof, leaning against the railings as we look out over the campus.

“Kyungsoo did,”  he replies. “Yeah, I know it’s cheesy,” he says lips twitching into a smile at the thought of his boyfriend, “but it’s true. He moved to our school half way through the year after you left for China. He seemed so innocent yet so confident, he made friends so easily and eventually I realised I liked him.”

He turns to face me, eyes earnestly begging me to believe him. “From when he arrived, I spent less and less time fighting, and more and more time wondering how to get him to date someone like me. Eventually I picked up the courage to ask him.” He smiles sheepishly at the memory. “I won’t tell you all the details because it’s kind of embarrassing, but basically we started dating. Since then I haven’t laid a hand on anyone….”

He pauses, “well except that one guy who tried to drag Kyungsoo off when we were at a club, but that doesn’t really count right? He totally deserved it… trying to take my Kyungsoo.” He trails off into irritated muttering and I shrug, secretly smirking at his cute jealousy over Kyungsoo.

He regains focus and continues, looking at me, his eyes full of honesty, “I don’t associate with Chanyeol and the others anymore. When I revealed my relationship with Kyungsoo, I decided to stay away from them because I didn’t want them getting near Kyungsoo and hurting him.”

I turn and rest my arms on the railings again, gazing out over the wall at all the people walking around, and thinking through everything he’s just told me.

He waits silently for a few minutes, and then says quietly, “I’m truly sorry Tao, I… I’m just so ashamed at what I did to you, it was inexcusable. I’m sorry.”

I turn to look at him, meeting his eyes. He looks at me his eyes wide and hopeful.

“I can’t forgive you.” I say.

His face falls and he shifts his gaze to the floor, biting his bottom lip with eyes full of regret.

“Yet.” I add and his head snaps up as he stares at me.

“I understand what you’ve told me, and I’m trying to see this from your perspective too, but it will take time. Every time I see your face I’m reminded of what you did to me.” He hangs his head in shame as I say this.

I hesitate before reaching out and touching his arm lightly, bringing his attention back to my face. “It will take time, but I will try to forgive you.”

His eyes glaze over with tears and he gives me a watery smile before bending into a deep bow, “thank you, thank you so much.”

I nod and watch him as he walks away, heading back inside to give both of us some time to work through our thoughts on what just happened.

I run my hand through my hair, one of my habits when I’m stressed, and let out a long sigh.

After a few minutes I check the time on my phone and decide to head inside and grab a drink. I have about an hour before my next lecture and I want to check out the gym here before I go there.

Yayy :) Kaisoo :)

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