“Taeyeon-ah!”

 

Taeyeon looked up from her luggage to see Jessica waving at her with a full on grin decorating her face. She stood up and waited for Jessica to get to where she was.

 

Jessica stopped midway and asked, “You’re not going to come here and give me a hug?” she huffed, “Some girlfriend you are.”

 

“I’ve flown in from Seoul to LA. That’s more or less 5,953 miles. You come here and give me a hug.”

 

Jessica bit her lip and Taeyeon almost ran up to her because that sight was just the most endearing thing she could ever see but her self-control prevailed. Jessica walked towards her but stopped again when she was merely a meter away from her.

 

“5,953 miles, huh? So are you saying you can’t go, say, a meter more just so you could hug me?”

 

“Woman, you’ll be the death of me.” Taeyeon dropped the duffel bag she was holding and closed the gap between her and Jessica, hugging her tightly.

 

“How do you do this? You’re so small but I feel like you could smother me while hugging me?”

 

“I give the best hugs. Admit it.”

 

Jessica chuckled and kissed her girlfriend’s forehead. “I miss you. I’m glad you could celebrate your birthday with me.” She pulled away and stared at Taeyeon who was now looking at her with an expression that looked like she was apologizing for something. “What is it?”

 

“I’m only staying for a week. Yoongie said she wanted to celebrate my birthday with me.”

 

Jessica knew then that it was a lost cause to try and convince Taeyeon to stay and celebrate with her instead. Months of being together in a relationship has made her well-aware that Yoona’s on top of Taeyeon’s priority list. That and the look Taeyeon was giving her right now was too much for her to disagree.

 

“Well, we just have to settle for an early birthday celebration then.”

 

The two went straight to Jessica’s place so Taeyeon could take her much needed rest after that long flight. Soon as they entered the apartment, Taeyeon caught sight of the gift that she’s sent her during Valentine’s Day.

 

“You haven’t finished eating all of it yet?” She looked at the box of treats that she’s given Jessica. “If I had given this to someone else, they would’ve finished this in a day.”

 

Jessica hugged her from the back and kissed her cheek. “Who else would you have given this to?”

 

Taeyeon turned around and pretended to think. “There’s this—“

 

Jessica cut her off by kissing her on the lips. “What were you saying?”

 

“I wasn’t saying anything.”

 

“Good because I wasn’t really interested in hearing it.” Jessica smiled and reached behind Taeyeon. “I’m in a mood for gummy bears.”

 

“I’m in a mood for something else,” said Taeyeon while she was staring at Jessica’s moist lips.

 

Their lips was once again joined and this time Taeyeon planned on keeping it that way, disregarding the exhaustion she was feeling at the moment.

 

 

---

 

 

“What’s with the paper bag?” Jessica pointed at the item that Taeyeon was holding as she put her shoes on. They were going to go out and celebrate Taeyeon’s birthday.

 

“My early birthday gift for you. I wanted to give it to you personally and since I can’t fly here on your birthday, reason being we’ll be promoting a new single, I’m going to give it to you now.”

 

Jessica stood up from the couch and tried to take the paper bag from her. Taeyeon, however, pulled back and shook her head. “Later. What’s that?” She pursed her lips and directed it towards the thing that Jessica was holding.

 

“My gift for you.”

 

“Can I see it now?”

 

“Later,” she mimicked Taeyeon’s voice.

 

 

---

 

 

The two decided to take a stroll along the shore after having dinner. Jessica, being Jessica, complained about her feet hurting even though they haven’t really walked that long. Taeyeon used her jacket and laid it on the sand for them to sit on.

 

“This is life,” Jessica muttered in English as she snuggled closer to Taeyeon.

 

“You really like this sort of thing, huh? Like you’re in some sort of Korean drama. Too bad there won’t be any mother-in-law who’s going to be so against our relationship.”

 

“My mom could be against us.”

 

“Oh please, I bet your mom would love me. Look at me, I’m cute. Mothers love cute things. Maybe Yoona won’t like you though.”

 

“Your sister would love me. That’s not even a question.”

 

Taeyeon wrapped her arms around Jessica and grabbed the bag that she brought with her. “Are you ready to see my awesome gift?”

 

“Let me be the judge of that.” Jessica took it from her and brought the gift out. It felt hard against her hand as she ripped off the wrapper. “And it is a...” she finally unwrapped it, “...a picture frame with my photo on it...sleeping.” She untangled herself from Taeyeon’s embrace and glanced at the now laughing girl. “You creeper! When was this?”

 

“You fell asleep when we were on Skype and I decided to save a screencap first before I ended the video call. You looked so serene and beautiful.”

 

“I have my teeth out! This is embarrassing.” She hit Taeyeon’s arm and the latter just kept on chortling. She shoved her own paper bag to Taeyeon and the older girl opened it with much enthusiasm, knowing that Jessica gives the best presents. She soon frowned when she saw what was printed on the shirt.

 

“Yah! You are so mean!” Printed on the back of the shirt was “My danshin” and the front portion of the shirt was filled with photos of Taeyeon’s face. Photos that aren’t exactly flattering.

 

There was one where she was yawning and another one where she was sleeping and a visible drool was trailing down her chin. There were a few ones where she was on the verge of sneezing. That one she remembers. Jessica probably took those when she was sick. “This was why you kept on chuckling and saying ‘wait a sec,’ wasn’t it? You mean, mean person.”

 

The tables have turned and it was now Jessica who was laughing her head off. “You were so cute every time you made funny faces. I couldn’t help it.”

 

“I’m not going to wear this. Ever.”

 

Jessica feigned a hurt expression. “I worked hard in compiling those photos but it’s okay, I’ll wear it if you won’t.” She grabbed the shirt from Taeyeon and started ing her blouse.

 

“What are you doing!? We’re in public. People could see you!”

 

“I’m wearing a bra and I’m very confident with the body that I have.”

                                                                        

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and did her best to cover Jessica even though it was actually pretty dark and only a few people were around.

 

Jessica put the shirt on and stood up to show it to Taeyeon. “Don’t I look cute with your derpy faces on me?”

 

“Are you really going to wear that for the rest of the night?”

 

“Taengoo,” she ast back down again, this time straddling Taeyeon’s lap, “if I could wear this everyday, I would.”

 

“Please take it off. It’s embarrassing.”

 

Jessica smirked and whispered, “Take it off here? My naughty byuntae.”

 

Taeyeon sighed in defeat. “Why are you so good at this? Here I am looking like a silly little Psyduck.”

 

“Let’s go back home and I’ll take off the shirt there and you take care of the rest.”

 

“Can’t you at least cover it up with this?” She pointed at Jessica’s discarded blouse.

 

“No. I want everyone to see how cute you are.” Jessica got up from her lap and kept a significant distance between them. “Sica,” Taeyeon whined.

 

“Come on little byuntae. The quicker we get back, the faster you get this off of me.”

 

“I look horrible in every photo.”

 

Jessica walked towards her and enveloped her in a tight hug. “You look cute in them, I swear.” She kissed Taeyeon’s forehead and rubbed her back. “Come on, you big baby.” She picked up her framed picture and held Taeyeon’s hand.

 

“Great minds think alike, I guess,” Taeyeon said, “your gift is meaner though.”

 

On their way back to Jessica’s place, they received odd gazes from the people they walked past by and Taeyeon could only duck her head in shame while Jessica did the exact opposite, walking tall and proud even when she was getting stared at.

 

“This is really embarrassing, Sica.”

 

Jessica simply held her hand tighter and whispered, “You’ll see me without anything on in about fifteen minutes. This is a small price to pay.”

 

“I can’t believe you’re exploiting my weakness like this.”

 

---

 

 

I took a seat on my usual spot and played with my phone while I waited for my band mates and our manager to arrive. I received a message from Jungsoo-oppa telling me to go to our agency. I was planning on sleeping the whole day but I figured I could do that after this meeting.

 

He arrived minutes after I got there but the others were still a no-show. He sat on the chair across mine. “I called you here because—“

 

“Aren’t we supposed to wait for the others?”

 

“They’re not coming. I don’t think you’d want them to know about this.”

 

“What?” I asked him. Tons of things running through my head. I’m not sure what this was about. Is there something wrong with our band? The others really need to be here if that’s the case.

 

“Did you have fun in California?”

 

I clenched my jaw tightly as I stared back at him. I wanted so badly to reach for his face and yank that smile off of it. He is such a low-life. “I don’t think it’s part of your job description to snoop on my life like that.”

 

“On the contrary, Taeyeon, I have every right to do that especially when you do things that could affect your career and jeopardize the career of this band.”

 

“I’m not doing anything wrong.”

 

I was getting worked up really quickly and his calm demeanour was only ticking me off even more.

 

“You know you’re doing something wrong. Something that people would frown upon. Isn’t that why you’re keeping it a secret?”

 

He passed his phone over to me and I saw photos of me and Jessica taken during my last trip to visit her. My blood instantly boiled and a huge part of me wanted to hurl the phone back at his face.

 

“You’re very sweet together. Too bad it needs to stop.”

 

I scoffed and I noticed his smile slowly leaving his face.

 

“I don’t think you’re taking this seriously, Taeyeon. I didn’t think you’d be the one to neglect your duties in this band.”

 

“Duties? I know my duty in this band and that’s to sing. You’re the one who’s confusing your responsibilities with something else.”

 

“Here I thought you’d learn from Yunho’s mistakes.”

 

“This is different and you know it.” I stood up and tossed his phone on his lap. “Sica’s not some opportunist who use people for their own gain.”

 

“What difference does it make when your relationship could pretty much end the same Yunho’s did? It would be bad for this band. What would people say, what would your fans say when they find out that you’re in a relationship with a girl?”

 

“Well for one they shouldn’t care who I date and—“

 

“You’re not seeing the bigger picture. The public would react badly and everything you, Yunho, Jaejoong, Junsu, Kangin worked hard for would be gone. Everything you’ve done just to get where you are, everything you’ve done just so you could put a roof above your sister’s head, all of it would be gone.”

 

“Leave Yoona out of this.”

 

“I’m trying to make you realize what you’re risking here. I didn’t have a chance to do this to Yunho. I didn’t have a chance to warn him. Look at what happened.”

 

“This is different!” I wasn’t able to hold back any longer. I was angry and confused. Thoughts just kept on pouring in and I felt like I was drowning. I could hear my harsh breathing.

 

“Remember the first time the five of you signed a contract under this agency and you’re the first one I asked, ‘What do you plan on doing to your first fat paycheck?’ Remember that?”

 

I remember it clearly.

 

“You were still a bit shy then and the only thing I heard from you when I asked you that was ‘Yoona’. You love your sister. You’ve proven that time and time again. Does this girl matter to you more than Yoona?”

 

I kept mum instead of giving him a definite answer although he probably already knows what I was going to say.

 

“No one’s going to find out about us. Why’d you think I fly all the way to the other side of the planet just so I could be with her? Why would the press people even care about me? I’m not some big shot star so why would they take so much effort to know who I’m dating?”

 

“You’re not big yet? Is this some insult that you’re trying to throw at me and to all the staff that are working their asses off to promote your band? We pull strings so you could perform on places no other Korean bands have performed in. You could waste all your efforts but I’m not going to let you waste the effort that my team has put into you guys. I’m not going to let you do that, Taeyeon.”

 

He stood up and headed for the door. “I think I’ve pointed out every reason as to why you shouldn’t continue whatever it is that you’re doing. If you’re going to risk your career and let this whole band fall apart, I’m going to make sure you’ll fall hard enough so you won’t be able to stand up anymore. End this now.”

 

He left and I was left there to think about all the things he said. I was left to choose between Jessica and everything else in my life. Yunho-oppa, Junsu-oppa, Jaejoong-oppa, Kangin-oppa and Yoona. I’ll be giving them all up if I choose Jessica.

 

I tried to think of ways I could turn this around and maybe not choose anyone but all I could think of is Jungsoo-oppa’s words. What’s going to happen to Yoona if I choose Sica? What about my band mates?

 

I didn’t even notice that I had tears running down my face until Kangin-oppa pointed it out. I didn’t even notice him coming in.

 

“Taengoo-yah, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you? Who is it? I’ll punch his head off of his body.”

 

I tried to stop crying but the concerned look on his face only made my effort go down the drain.

 

“I’m okay. I just...” I sniffed and waved my hands off, trying to dismiss it and hoping he’d forget this ever happened. “What are you doing here?” I wiped my face with my sleeve and tried to be calm.

 

“I forgot my lucky pick inside the booth.”

 

I looked at the pick he was holding and it triggered all the memories from when we were still playing gigs on small cafes and barely getting by.

 

“Who did it though? Who made you cry? I will seriously hurt them.”

 

“No one. I was just...being too emotional.”

 

Kangin-oppa made a face and nodded. “That time of the month again, huh?” That elicited a small giggle from me. "Do you wanna go eat ice cream?”

 

I shook my head and conjured up a small smile. “Maybe next time. I need to rest.”

 

“Aigoo, why are you even here? Next time we renew our contract, we should do something about you not working when you have your...period.”

 

“Oppa.”

 

“What? I’m trying to look out for you. You’re like my little sister.”

 

And I knew then that Jungsoo-oppa had a point. Choosing Sica over everybody else would only hurt the people I care the most about and a bunch of other people that has worked hard to be where I am today.

 

 

______

there really is no reason as to why I used Shinee's Symptoms as the title i just really like the song

i'm not sure if the things i've said made sense again but itried.jpg