Five years later, Junmyun still feels the pain of those twenty years trapped in figments of his imagination.

Sometimes, he sees flashes of the unreal past haunting him every second of the day. He sees the outlines of Sehun’s silhouette behind the bathroom curtains, and sometimes he hears Luhan’s crying echo from the closet. He remembers the boy’s baby steps walking towards him, and recalls the time Sehun got hit by Luhan’s car while running away from him. He can’t sleep at night with that last image of Sehun, lying lifelessly in white, plaguing his dreams. He can’t live with the look of despair evident in Luhan’s eyes, staring back at him in the mirror. Junmyun has tried talking to a psychiatrist, but the doctor did little to help.

“Have you ever felt like something’s there, but at the same time it doesn’t? And if you touch it, it falls apart into a million pieces?” Junmyun says as he looks into the distance. After Yifan got disowned by his multimillionaire father, they have chosen to leave the country behind and to start anew in the city of new hope, Seoul. Yifan starts a small business, selling chicken and ddeokbokki which he says is not his style. Junmyun works night shifts as a bartender, still, while studying at a community college in the morning. They’re happy. Sometimes they eat kimchi and seaweed without rice, but they’re happy.

“Yeah...and...that’s the boy sitting next to me. Sometimes he’s the Junmyun I know, sometimes he’s not.” Yifan says with a hint of disappointment.

“Yi fan, I...” The younger boy tries to find the right thing to say, the right word that will make his lover feel better. But the truth is, there is nothing left to say. He can’t live a normal life seeing the same nightmare every time he closes his eyes. He can’t be a normal person, he can’t adopt a child, knowing the pains he would feel if the child got hurt. He can’t smile the same smile around Yifan anymore, granted the things the older had done to him in that terrible dream. He can’t look at Yifan and not remember the tyrant that once took everything away from him.

“But all of that doesn’t matter. You are my Junmyun. I still love you. I’m still here,” With that, Yifan took him into an embrace that he couldn’t have felt in his nightmares. Junmyun could smell the other’s manly scent on his shirt, soothing his anxiety.

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry...” Junmyun sobs into the older’s broad chest as security consumes him. There is nothing to be afraid. Yifan’s here to protect him. The bad Yifan can’t hurt him now. And the twins, they don’t exist to even feel the pain he’s seen them go through.

Yifan’s right. The Yifan he’s sitting with is not the one in his nightmares. Not the one chasing him year after year and ruining his life over and over again.

“I wish I could look into that dream and share your burdens, Myun-ah.”

“Believe me, you don’t want to see what I saw.”

But the moment their lips touch, the past is left behind. There is only a bright future waiting for them right ahead.

“You still having trouble sleeping, Junmyun-ssi?”

The guru was sitting cross-legged on a yellow beanbag in the middle of the “mediation room”, filing his nails and not sparing Junmyun a glance. They say he’s the best one in Korea. They say he cures terminal diseases better than the best doctor in Seoul. Junmyun doubts it, but if wasting 100,000 won here would rid him of the nightmares, he is inclined to go.

“Yes, Chen-nim. I still see pieces of that dream, all the time. But everything seem so real...It’s like I lived through it before...” Junmyun looks at the guru intently, waiting for any chance of emotion or sudden calling from God. But the guru only puts his nail-filer down to eat a piece of yogurt-covered almond, looking amused.

“Hmm...interesting.”

“Is it possible that...I’m remembering my past life?” Junmyun says, the holy atmosphere around the dark room starting to take its toll on him. The place has scam written all over it, with cheap curtains hanging on the walls and fake magic items scattered here and there.

“That is one possibility...But, Junmyun-ssi, don’t tell me you think we’re the only ones in this world?” Chen-nim suddenly says, catching the interest of the troubled guest.

“What...do you mean?”

“The galaxy is big, Junmyun-ssi. There are many alternative universes around us. In another world, at another time, there is another you, another me, living a life every different from what we have here. I think you are experiencing memories of another counterpart who is coexisting in another world. For example, I have the same dream every night. In that dream, I’m a troll. And it feels real. It feels like I live it sometimes.”

At this, Junmyun starts to feel chills running down his spine. He usually wouldn’t believe in such crap, but something’s changed. It actually feels like there is some truth in what the guru said. It sounds like deja vu.

“Then, what do I have to do now?”

“You can’t do anything. What happens to your other counterparts does not matter. What’s important is...now. Focus on the present, Junmyun-ssi, and I wish you all the best.”

Three months later, Yifan says he wants to have kids. Junmyun can’t believe in his ears, because where is the hotheaded Yifan who is afraid of being hindered by a steady family, where is that clumsy ‘Cold City Guy’ who is scared of changing diapers for an infant or teaching kids to play baseball?

“Yehet~Luhan hyung can’t catch meeee.”

Junmyun can barely see a shadow ran past him, dark brown hair bouncing in the still air and milky skin a stark contrast against the child’s plain black T-shirt. A second boy chased after the former, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. The nuns are running all over the place to keep the duo in check as they run around in circles like little hamsters in a field of lushful green grass.

“Yah! Sehuna you brat! Not so fast!”

Junmyun reaches out for Yifan’s sleeve, catching the other’s attention as the younger tries to steady himself. He’s been trying to forget the twins for so long, but now they are right in front of him. He’s seeing things again, and the air becomes so suffocating that it is hard to breathe. Is he imagining this?

“Luhan and Sehun are twins. They live in the church’s orphanage with the nuns. They seem very playful now, but they are very good kids. Sehun’s really shy around strangers, but if you open up to him, he’ll act cutely nonstop. Luhan is very active and he always wants your attention, so you have to give him lots of love. If they were to be adopted into a good family, that would be nice.” Junmyun listens as the priest explains to him why the twins were brought up here, in this holy place. Yifan looks like he’s falling asleep, but acts as if he’s the excited dad on his way to see his newly-born for the first time.

Junmyun felt a sharp pain on his leg as the first boy bumps into him, stepping on his right foot. The latter follows suit and crashes into the back of his brother. They gawk at him for a long while, until the younger (or Junmyun thinks is the younger, since they look like two peas in a pot), starts to smile so hard his eyes disappear into crescents. He hugs Junmyun’s leg without another word, feeling like it’s his lucky day.

“Ahjussi, are you an angel?” The other boy says, his eyes sparkle with excitement.

“No, you are my little angels. Both of you.” And with that, Junmyun take them both in his arms as his heart does cartwheels in his chest. He’s suddenly reminded of the time he saw the two infants behind the glass doors of the hospital, reaching out for them yet unable to touch. His body is shaking and he knows their individual names before they even tell him. He knows what their favorite food is, what they like to do when they’re bored, what subjects in school they will do well in, and how many hours he will have to stay up when they get sick. Suddenly, his eyes tear up and, without saying, Sehun kisses the tears away.

“Hey! What about me?” Yifan protests from behind them.

“Yah, you’re the one that wants babies. Aren’t they just so cute?” Junmyun laughs even if his voice is still shaky from the surge of emotion that was overwhelming his mind. Things are going to change from now on. There will be a strain in their finances with the addition of the twins, but Yifan says he will make it work. Junmyun can’t see the future, because he lived a different life then, in that dream, but right now, it feels right. He’s in the right time, in the right place, with the right person, and that’s all that matters.

But Junmyun believes that some things never change.

That at night,

“Shh...stop . Quiet down, the kids are still dreaming.”

A/N: (last one)

OMG!!!!! This story finally comes to an end. First of all, thank you for all of your support and comments. Without you guys, I wouldn't have finished this.  I am sorry for all of the typos, my only excuse being that my writing time is usually from 2-5AM while I;m on 40mg of caffeine. I am so sorry for the plot twists and stuff. I tend to overthink things and add irrelevant details. (This story started off as a oneshot about Krisho trying to be quiet while having steamy smex while their kids sleep in the next room).

However, when I look at this ending, I feel like there are 2 ways to look at it:

1/Everything that happened from chapter 1 to 31 is all a dream. Junmyun got a brain tumor that caused him to have hallucinations. He dreamed of Sehun, Luhan, etc. The part at the end of Ch.31 where he woke up to Yifan, he just woke up from his surgery. The meeting with Luhan and Sehun again when they move to Seoul is pure coincidence. You can or cannot trust Chen-nim. Whether he made the "alternative universe" thingy up or not, it's up to you to interpret.

2/Everything from 1 to 31 really happened. Everything was real in Junmyun's life. He got old. Their family got separted and met again in difficult circumstances as written. When Sehun commited suicide, Junmyun fainted, and in his dream, he saw himself 18 again with Yifan by his side. He basically dreamed of Yifan getting disowned and they both moved to Seoul where they adopted Hunhan. In other words, the end of chapter 31 and all of chapter 32 is the dream he can't wake up from. Whether he wakes up from it later on, it's up to you to decide.

are you mindblown yet? 

lololol. I hope you've enjoyed reading this fic. I will try not to post new stories and just focuz on current ones. But don't trust me. Hehe. Up until now it's been sekshiboi speaking. I hope to see you again. Bye!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO, Feb 7, 2014

Total words (without author note): approx. 58320