They say that time heals wounds. But in reality, that is not the case.

Years from now Luhan would still remember that day, that dream, and the apologetic look in Suho’s-- his Suho hyung’s - eyes, looking at him from behind the glass window. Years from now Luhan would still feel the pain whenever he recalls the fact that, ah, he failed to get Suho’s attention. Even if he almost killed his twin, Sehun.

“Why did you do it?”

Luhan closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see the look of pity in the psychiatrist’s dark brown orbs. Just because he’s grown accustomed to having the other staring at him like a caged animal, doesn’t mean that Luhan should be nice. That scrutinizing gaze was swallowing up, forcing him to open his mind.

“Why did I do what?” Luhan huffed, refusing to steer his eyes from the drawing he’s working so hard on. Those people, they are all the same. They think he’s crazy, that he’s out of his mind, that he’s a psychopath that knows no boundaries, that he knows no right from wrong. They all think he’s a lost cause, and maybe he is, that maybe he’s better off locked up behind those brick walls of the city prison.

“Why did you hurt Sehun? Were you doubting that he’s your twin brother?”

Here we go again. After Wu Yi Fan paid his dirty money to the detectives, the charges against Luhan rested in peace. Families of the mutilated victims never brought the story up again. Case closed. But the questions keep coming. The doctor thought asking Luhan about it would cure him. He thought he would be able to unwrap the protective barrier that Luhan has around himself, enough to see the parts of this broken child that no one else gets to see.

“Why are you interrogating me? Father hires you to be a psychologist, and so be it, no need to pull that voice on me.” Luhan lied down on the leather couch and pretended to take a nap.

The doctor was a young 27-year-old male with a fresh face and a fresh smile. Probably fresh out of medical school as well. Luhan has seen this kind of person too many times before, the kind that thinks they know what they’re doing and tries a little too hard to act like they care. But Luhan sees through it. He sees through it all, that this person right here is just another poor excuse of his dear father, Wu Yi Fan, to act responsibly about his incurably insane son. This person is no different than any other human being that steps onto his life, crushes what’s left of his sanity and leaves without a word.

“Your dad also wants you to get better. If you don’t talk about it, then how can you get over your...”

“Illness? You people think I’m a psycho now?” Luhan slammed his fists on the doctor’s table, sending the stacks of paperwork shaking. The air suddenly felt hot and stuffy. It was getting harder to breathe but Luhan’s glare does not falter. Memories of the past five months flashed before his eyes, boiling his blood with rage and regret.

“That’s not what I meant-” The doctor’s hand shivered, his eyes widened in fear. Luhan knew that look too well. It was the look you give when a murderer holds a knife at your throat.

“Sehun doesn’t deserve to live. It is because of him that I suffered. He needs to learn. He needs to feel my pain. Aren’t we twins? We’re supposed to feel each other’s sufferings. I hurt him because it kills me, too. I hurt him because I hate myself, and it hurts me more to see him in pain than to cut my own wrist.”

Luhan lied. His only motive was to hurt Suho. To take revenge. Luhan couldn’t care less about that malnourished boy whom he shared the same genetic code with, the boy who tried so hard to breathe against his chest. But the scared look on the young doctor’s face was too much an amuse to Luhan, as if before him stood a wild animal backed into the dark corner, unable to escape.

“Luhannie, you’re being unreasonable. You’re luckier than Sehun because you were raised here. Mr. Wu gave you proper education and everything you wanted, while Sehun has to live with poor health and he has to be homeschooled because he has dyslexia. Your Omma had no choice at that time. Sehun is very weak, and he needs his Omma. Wouldn’t it hurt you more if he died then? ... ”

To the doctor’s surprise, Luhan fell silent. For the first time in many of their sessions, Luhan didn’t talk back. The older watched as the broken child fell on his knees into a sobbing mess on the red carpet, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

“Luhan, it’s okay now. It’s okay. Cry. It’s okay to cry sometimes.” Like a mother embracing her child who fell onto the cement road, the gentle doctor held Luhan in his arms, feeling that poor heartbeat against his chest.

“Minseok-ah...”

“Hmm?”

“When will Suho come back?” Luhan says in between his inaudible sobs.

“Soon, Hannie. Very soon.”

But Luhan can’t see the shadow hiding behind wooden doors, his body shaking out of grief, hands on the doorknob but refusing to twist it open.

Junmyun closes the door behind him and, as he walks the heavy steps away from the son whose life he ruined, tears streamed down his eyes.

Wu Yi Fan asked for his hand in marriage, and Junmyun only wished for it to be a dream. In this empty five-star restaurant in the fancy part of Gangnam, Wu Yi Fan, for the first time in his life, was on his knee, doing these cheesy things young adults would do to propose to their partner. There’s champagne in his hands, there’s candlelight on the table and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. There’s Bach playing in the background, there’s the wedding ring he spent days to choose on end, but the only thing missing is Junmyun’s smile.

“I am not playing with you, Junmyun. I’m saying the truth. Please come back to me. We can make things right. We can start over.”

“Too late for that...We’re all grown-ups now, aren’t we? Don’t be childish, Yifan. We have families of our own. It’s time to move on.” As he said the words that strike hard blows into his chest, Junmyun his heel. Even if Yifan has been by his side for the past few months into Sehun’s recovery and Luhan’s therapy, even if Yifan has been there to wipe away his tears and hug him into dreamless sleep, Junmyun can’t bring himself to love the other again. For every second that their relationship deepened, Junmyun gave away little parts of his soul that he would never get back.

As of right now, he has nothing left to give, his heart already an empty shell pumping blood through his body. Such luxurious emotions as love, Junmyun just can’t afford it.

“I know you haven’t gotten married with Yixing yet. Do you actually think you can fool me? I know everything about you, Junmyun. I know Jino is not our child, and that you adopted him. You only say that he is to taunt me, to make me feel like . It’s okay, I accept all your hate. Now I only ask that you be mine again.”

This time, Yifan was not trying to convince him. Everything he could do, he did already. Every word he could say, he voiced it out already. If Junmyun didn’t want to stay, Yifan wouldn’t stop him from running into the hands of another man.

“No. I cannot make the same mistake twice. Not after all these years.” Junmyun’s eyes were cold, like the sharp daggers that sliced Yifan’s chest open every time he looked back into the past, every time he slept alone on his empty side of the bed, and every time the thought of dying alone plagued his senses.

And Yifan let him go, saying his last words before the door closed behind Junmyun, ”I’m the bad guy. I ed up your life and made a run for it. In the next life, if we meet again, you have to stay away from me. Away from men like me.”

The candlelight blewed out and died, as did their tragic love.

“Dr.Kim. Your patient Oh Se Hun is in critical condition! Please report to the OR.”

As though a flame was burning him from the inside, Junmyun cried as the nurses pushed the gurney out of the emergency room, on which lied the lifeless body of the boy he spent a lifetime watching over. He was there when the boy walked his first steps, when he said his first words, when he got his first A+, when he grew into a fine young man with a heart as pure as sacred water. He was there when Sehun cried in abject desperation, when he gasped for every single breath, when he shed every single tear. But now Junmyun’s not worried about leaving Sehun behind as Junmyun died of old age and walked his steps towards the Lord, not anymore, because his boy was now with the angels.

“He fell from the third floor,” they said.

“He was in so much pain, and he had wanted this escape for so long. We couldn’t stop him. We had tried everything we could...,” they reasoned.

In the corners of his eyes, he could see Jongin, that poor boy, shaking in the corner of the hallway while burying his head in his arms. He was crying and bawling his eyes out and yanking his hair painfully against his scalp, but there was nothing he could do to resuscitate Sehun. The Sehun that had no fault in this. The Sehun that deserved a much, much better life than this.

Junmyun brought a shaky hand to close Sehun’s eyes, his mind denying the terrible truth in front of him. The boy still looked beautiful with color drained from his face, and he looked...peaceful. Junmyun used to tuck him into bed every night when he was a child, until the young boy determined that he would be a “real man” and not sleep next to his Appa after he turned ten years old. Junmyun used to sing him lullabies every night before the dreams and false hope, until he was too tired from work that he fell asleep before Sehun did.

“His body is still warm...his body is still warm...you’re all lying. He’s still alive...he’s alive...” Junmyun chanted as he shook Sehun, determined to wake the younger up from deep sleep. It was a mistake to leave Sehun. It was a mistake to run away from everything. It was a mistake to be afraid of getting hurt, to be selfish enough to unknowingly put Sehun into danger. And now, he can’t undo what’s been done.

As the drapes were pulled onto his son’s angelic face, Junmyun embraced the anguish that was burning in his blood, fell short of breath and everything turned black.

“Omma, do I have an Appa?”

“Oh, baby, I’m your Appa, too.”

“Why can’t I have two appas? My friends all have two...”

“But, Sehuna, baby, I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

“Baba, where’s Mama?”

“She’s right here, son. Mama, Tao, you and I are a family.”

“No. She’s not my Mama. She’s not....stop lying...why are you lying to me...”

“Shut up and go to your room, Luhan, you insolent child!”

“If you had a wish, what would you wish for?”

“Me? I want this all to be a dream.”

Junmyun woke up with a start, cold sweat trickling down his forehead as he pushed himself into a sitting position. He could hardly make out whatever it is in front of him, his arms blurry in front of his face. Everything was hazy and in flashes of black and white, melded together in a confusing picture.

Junmyun snapped his head to the source of beeping and realized that his arms were pricked by a tube that connected to the machines on the bedside table. He groaned at the sharp pain on his head, and it was not until when he reached up a hand to massage his temple that he realized his whole head was covered in bandages. Did he pass out?

“You woke up. You finally woke up.”

Junmyun blinked as the outlines of Wu Yi Fan’s face became clear to him. Then he remembered what happened just before he lost consciousness. He remembered how Sehun was taken away from him by the hands of God. He remembered the younger’s pale complexion as the life force was depleting from his body. Then panic overtook him as he struggled from the intravenous tubes in a desperate attempt to look for his child.

“Yifan, what are you doing? Let me go. I have to go see Sehun. I have to tell them Sehun is alive. They can’t take him away, he’s mine...he’s mine...” Junmyun was thrashing around in the hospital bed, punching and kicking that Wu Yi Fan person who seemed too calm to be a man who just lost his child.

Yifan was trying to be patient, holding a calm demeanor but he could feel the pain of his lover eating to his bones.

“Junmyun-ah, just lie down, forget about everything. It’s just a bad dream.” As he cradled Junmyun’s head on the crook of his neck, Yifan ran circles on the younger’s back, trying his best to calm him down.

“What are you talking about? Sehun is your child too! And he’s dying...he’s...it’s not his fault, but he’s taking all the blame...he’s dying...” Junmyun was hyperventilating, the breathing tube coming loose from his nose. He winced at the sharp pain on his head again, while wondering if someone had opened up to see his brain.

“No, Junmyun, Sehun doesn’t exist. You had a brain tumor that causes certain...hallucinations. But it’s over now. I got the best doctors from the States to take it out for you. You are okay now. Just rest, baby.” Yifan’s low voice whispered confusing words into his ear, and Junmyun’s eyes widened.

He looked at the mirror on the other side of the room as realization sank in in droplets of grief. What stared back at him was the face of the younger him, the pathetic him that he tried so hard to forget all his life.

Junmyun went to sleep for what seemed like twenty years, and woke up in the body of his eighteen-year-old self. But this time, Yifan was by his side.

Always.

a/n: I am so sorry for the long wait. I was busy towards to end of the year and fell into a lot of depression because I so freaking hate school. I didn't learn anything useful except during free periods, but thankfully I got into college and I am so ready to graduate. Wooohooooo.

As you can probably tell, I did try to wrap things up quickly in this chapter. The drama is killing me, and so it would be nice to let them resolve everything and stop ruining each other's lives! Next chapter is going to be the epilogue, which means the end. *screams* Junmyun didn't really dream everythang. lol. but I will promise a very fluffy ending the next time I update. Thank you for being with me this far. It's really a joy reading your comments and support. I am brainstorming for another Krisho drama *drumrolls* titled 1000 Paper Cranes. If you like this story then I hope that one will be angsty enough for ya'all. Lolol.