“When was this?” Donghae said seriously. They were sitting separately on her couch, a table between them.

Tears continue to flow down her eyes. “The night you went back to Koraima.”

“Why? Why’d you have to do that Yoona? Why’d you have to try and kill yourself?” he said, tears forming in his eyes. Just the thought of the woman he loves trying to take away her own life and would have been dead by now tore him apart.

“I- I don’t know Donghae. I regretted leaving you. And when I went back to the hotel, you were gone. I- I thought you have left me forever,” she cried.

“I went back to Koraima. I- I thought you went home without me.”

She shook her head and stared at the picture of her and Jessica behind him. “I was with Jessica in Miska. She helped me go through with it.”

“What happened? How did- How did you- How did-” he couldn’t seem to find the right words to ask her.

“It was about night time when I realized you were really gone. I don’t know where I was headed to, but I walked and walked until my knees gave out. I was in the middle of the road when I- I felt the urge to just end it all there,” she stopped and looked at her fingers in her lap. “I saw a car coming and I immediately stepped into the road, waiting for the crash, waiting for it to take me away. Unfortunately, the driver stopped on time and I was only bumped, not really killed.”

“I asked the driver to send me to Jessica’s house instead of bringing me to the hospital.” She laughed and cried at the same time. “I thought everything was fine. They always give us that impression that there has to be blood and pain for you to realize that something was wrong. And there wasn’t. You know. There wasn’t any blood nor was there any pain.

“I- I was ready to fight for my little Hae. When the car bumped me that night, I realized how wrong I was. That I was not alone in this anymore. I had your baby, our baby inside of me. I was hell bent on protecting it, only to realize that I was the one who caused it- it’s- it’s death.

“I read all about it in the internet. Me and Jessica were waiting for that small bump to appear. But it never did. I became sick after a few days and that’s when I found out that the baby inside of me was dead. I killed it. I- I- I did.”

Donghae remained unmoving in his seat. She couldn’t bear to look up and meet his eyes. “The doctor told me that the 1^st semester was the most critical. And probably, the trauma I got from the crash, no matter how small it was, was enough to- to kill the baby. If I hadn’t done it. If I hadn’t tried to kill myself. If I had only thought of the baby instead of being selfish, then none of that would have happened!” she cried loudly.

For a while, silence hovered over them. The only sound one can hear were Donghae’s deep breathing and her quiet sobs. When she felt him get up from his seat, her sobs grew louder and she couldn’t help bawling her eyes out.

“Shh. It’s not your fault.” She turned to see Donghae standing beside her. He sat down beside her and reached for her. He drew her closer to him and hugged her to his chest. “Baby, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry.” She repeated the words over and over again. She hugged him tight, as if holding on to her dear life.

She woke up that morning, cold and alone in bed. She was still wearing the same dress she wore last night. She grunted as she got out of bed and made her way towards the bathroom.

She was halfway there when she remembered what happened the night before. Strangely, she was a feeling a sort of relief, as if something heavy was taken from her chest. She looked back at the bed and saw that there wasn’t any sign of him.

She ran outside to the living room to find no signs of another person. Tears began to flow again from her eyes when she heard a noise in the kitchen.

She ran, holding her hand to her chest when she saw Donghae working on the stove. His hair was disheveled and he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday.

He turned around to find Yoona standing there, tears staining her beautiful face. “Yoona, what’s wrong?” He walked over to where she was and pulled her into his arms.

“I- I thought you’ve gone,” she chuckled as she tried to control the tears.

“Babe, you’re the only one with the nasty habit of leaving in the morning. I’m not going anywhere no matter what dirty secret you tell me,” he said as he kissed her forehead. “Now go and take a shower. You’d be late for work.”

“What about you?”

“You want me to join you in the shower?” he smirked. “Well alright. I was planning on taking it slow but hey, we aim to please.” He grinned as he pulled her back to her bedroom.

“I- I mean, work. Don’t you have work?”

“All my clothes are at the office anyway. No worries,” he smiled.

“Why is it there?”

“Well, I was preoccupied with stuff. I hadn’t really found a place to stay at,” he said distractedly. “Now, about that shower,” he said with a sly smile.

“I don’t know Yoona. He seems sincere about it,” Jessica said from across her. They were eating lunch out and Jessica was telling her how Heechul had come in the middle of the day to cause chaos in her office.

“What did he say?”

“He was sorry and stuff about him realizing he can’t live without me. Stuff like that.”

“How do you feel about it?” Yoona asked skeptically.

“Well, he seems sincere about it. But I won’t give in just like that,” Jessica said sternly. “What about you? How are you and Donghae?”

“I’ve come to my senses. Told him about the accident.”

“And?”

“He didn’t leave. He didn’t leave Jess,” she said with a small smile.

“I told you he won’t,” Jessica said smugly. “Yoona, what should I do?” she said after a while.

“Jess, do you love him?”

She closed her eyes and tried to fight back the tears. “I do but I don’t think I should.”

“Jess, you’ve seen me run away from my feelings for a thousand times. I was never good in giving advices. You took care of that for me. But now, I realized something. There will only be one advice if we want happiness. Follow your heart,” Yoona paused and took her best friend’s hand in hers. “We aren’t kids anymore. We can take care of ourselves now.”

“I don’t know if I can trust him anymore.”

She stood up and embraced Jessica. “Just follow your heart, darling. Follow your heart.”

For a while, they stayed there, Yoona perched on the armchair of Jessica’s chair while she cried her heart out. After a while, she wiped her tears and smiled at her best friend, “Go stay at the flat with Donghae,”

“But what about you?”

“I’d stay with Sungyeol for a while. God knows what he’s doing with his son.”

“Jess, it will work out. I’ll always be here for you, remember that.”

Donghae was smiling to himself as he took the elevator to Yoona’s unit. He was a little early for their date but he’s sure that she wouldn’t mind. She had texted him earlier that evening for dinner. She rejected him for lunch and was obviously trying to make up for it. He stopped short when he turned around the corner to find her in the arms of another man.