“Himchan hyung has been having nightmares lately.”

Daehyun put down his cup of tea and stared at Junhong with his forehead creased.

“What?”

“It scares me, hyung,” Junhong muttered. He eyed the smoothie on the table and bit his lips. “He’s not getting enough sleep. He’s always waking up in the middle of the night. I could hear him.”

“Well…what did he usually dream about?”

“Mostly of people chasing and trying to murder him. He even dreamt of me doing it to him…”

Clearing his throat, Daehyun leaned back in his seat and clasped his hands together as he looked out the window of the café. His face was stiff, like he was trying hard to control his expression.

Junhong recalled last night’s incident and shuddered.

He’d heard Himchan screaming in his sleep, like he was being tortured. When he ran to Himchan’s room, he saw the latter sitting up in his bed, drenched in sweat. He was clutching his chest at the time, breathing hard and mouth agape. When he saw Junhong something flashed in his eyes, like he’d just seen a ghost or something terrifying. He’d closed his eyes and blinked several times.

When Junhong asked him what happened, he’d shaken his head, pretending that he was fine. Although Junhong was sure that Himchan knew he saw through his lie, Junhong decided not to pressure him and instead, stayed with him that night so he could go back to sleep.

But Himchan never slept that night. Junhong knew he was awake. He could literally feel Himchan staring at him in the darkness, asking gazillions of questions in his head. Junhong was afraid that Himchan would start asking him about Yongguk and he really did prepared himself. But the question never came. Himchan remained hauntingly silent that night.

“Hyung…s-should we bring him to a psychiatrist?”

Daehyun gave Junhong a weird look and shook his head.

“I’m not sure about that, Junhong. Himchan might not agree on this. You know how much he hates hospitals and doctors.”

Junhong slumped in his seat and frowned. How else were they going to help Himchan if not send him to the psychiatrist? Wouldn’t something bad happen if this situation prolonged?

“But I think I’ll try to persuade him,” Daehyun sighed.

“There’s one more thing you need to know,” Junhong said. “Himchan hyung’s memory is getting worse. He forgets too many times.”

Daehyun stayed silent after listening to what Junhong said. From the look in his eyes, Junhong knew that the man was determined to help his best friend to get back on the right track.

♦

“I’m perfectly fine, Daehyun.”

“No you’re not.”

Junhong let out a sigh and stared at the two men who had started quarreling the moment Daehyun had told Himchan that he was going to take him to see a psychiatrist.

As Daehyun had predicted, Himchan had refused.

“I don’t need a freaking shrink.” Himchan glowered at his best friend. “Why are you doing this to me? I’m not mentally unstable.”

“Can you stop being a grumpy old man?” Daehyun rolled his eyes. “I just want you to get better. You have disturbing nightmares and it’s obvious that you’re not getting enough sleep.”

“I can take care of myself, okay? I’m fine.”

“You’re barely fine. Why won’t you listen to me once?”

“Because it’s me that we’re talking about.”

“It doesn’t hurt to try.”

“No,” Himchan narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Himchan-”

“Hyung,” Junhong stepped between them and placed his hand on Himchan’s sleeve. “Please go.”

Himchan’s shoulders sagged and he stared at Junhong anxiously. He was scared, Junhong could tell. Junhong gave his hand an assuring squeeze and Himchan returned it with a weak one.

“I’ll go with you. We can go tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Himchan heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. Then he shot Daehyun a glare before he went back into the house. “But know that I’m not happy about this.”

“Good thing Himchan has you,” Daehyun patted Junhong on the shoulder, a smirk splayed across his face.

Junhong only nodded and watched as Daehyun enter his car and drive away. He pondered over Daehyun’s words and frowned.

Was it really a good thing that Himchan had him by his side?

♦

The alarm beeped, causing Junhong to stir in his sleep. Rubbing the sleep off his eyes, Junhong sat up on his bed and turned off the alarm. Then he walked out of his room and stopped in the living room, blinking confusedly.

The house was silent.

No sound of Himchan humming in the kitchen or the sizzling of Kimchi pancakes in the morning.

“Hyung?” Junhong called out.

The teenager entered the kitchen and found no sign of the man. When he went to the backyard, he was only greeted by the chirping birds.

“Hyung?”

A sound of telephone ringing in the living room caught Junhong’s attention. Junhong rushed to the telephone and answered the call immediately.

“Junhong, is that you?” Daehyun’s voice caused Junhong to frown.

He was expecting Himchan to call.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Did you remind Himchan about the appointment? I’ve contacted Mr. Lee, the psychiatrist. We’ll be meeting him this afternoon. Make sure-”

“Himchan hyung’s missing.”

“What?”

“He’s not in the house, hyung.” Junhong looked around and creased his forehead. “I’ve been looking around for him.”

“Are you sure he’s missing? Did he leave a note or something?”

“No.”

  Junhong could hear the man letting out a sigh at the end of the line.

“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Daehyun said before he hung up.

♦

Junhong finally found Himchan at the end of the night.

He was at the park, sitting on the bench whilst staring blankly at the lake. Junhong swore that he felt like dropping dead on the spot when he found the man. He and Daehyun had been searching him the whole day. Daehyun had left Himchan hundreds of missed calls and even drove around the city a few times. Both of them gave up when the sun had started disappearing. Daehyun had told Junhong that Himchan might come back sooner or later. He’d told Junhong to get some rest and that he would call the police if Himchan didn’t come back the next day but Junhong was extremely worried so he had decided to search for the man by himself.

He only remembered the park when he came across the little girl whom Himchan had almost run over the first time they went to the park.

“Himchan hyung,” Junhong called out.

Himchan craned his neck to look at Junhong but did nothing to greet him. Junhong sat down beside him and fidgeted with his fingers. Himchan wasn’t saying anything. He’d never been this silent before.

“A-are you okay?”

“I remember Junhong.”

Junhong blinked and tilted his head sideways.

“I woke up this morning and the memory came back to me. I didn’t even hit my head or saw something to remember.” Himchan turned to him and gazed into his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me that Yongguk was your brother? I’ve been following you around the first time we met. We came across each other often and you said nothing to me. Why would you hide it?”

“Because I didn’t want you to feel bad about it,” Junhong muttered. When Himchan didn’t say anything, Junhong decided to continue. “I hated you back then. I was plotting for revenge. I even wished that you would get hit by a truck or whatever. But after you kept on sticking by my side I changed my mind.”

Himchan switched his gaze back to the lake and sniffed. Junhong didn’t dare to look at his face. He didn’t want to see Himchan’s face covered with tears.

“The guilt had been haunting me in my dreams. I couldn’t sleep for the first few months after the incident. I tried to forget everything. It was hard for me to live on after knowing that I’d killed someone.

“I knew Yongguk had a brother but I guess I forgot. That day, the time when I saw your brother’s photo I felt the world crushing down on me again. I thought I had moved on but I was completely wrong.”

“You know I don’t blame you.”   

“I know.” From Junhong’s peripheral vision, he could see Himchan nodding slightly. “I’m sorry for taking your brother away from you.”

“It’s fine, I don’t blame you.”

“I knew someone was on the road. I saw him, your brother. But at that time, I was having a bad day and I wasn’t doing my best to control my emotion. I accelerated. I figured that I wouldn’t knock him over, that he would step aside in time.”

Junhong stared at Himchan for a long time until Himchan turned towards him, face solemn.

“It’s my fault. I killed him…and that is not an accident. I’m a murderer, an idiot. I deserve to die, not your brother.”

“If it was months ago, I think I would’ve punched you in the face,” Junhong finally let out a humorless chuckle after a few seconds passed by. Then he frowned and shook his head forlornly. “But it’s different now. You can’t turn back the time.”

“You should punch me, beat me to death.”

“I won’t,” Junhong said, shaking his head adamantly. “Because it will only hurt me if something happens to you. You’re important to me now, hyung. You’ve taken my brother’s place and if anything were to happen to you, I won’t be able to accept it. Stop saying that it’s your fault. I forgave you didn’t I?”

“But-”

“Hyung, I told you already, you’ve taken my brother’s place. Forget about everything. Let’s just…let’s just focus on the future, okay? If you want a punishment, then this is your punishment. You can’t leave me alone anymore.”

Himchan stayed silent for a while, staring back at the lake.

 “I’m sorry if I seem weak to you but guilt is not something you can get rid of easily. I can’t face you Junhong. Seeing you would only make me feel bad and I don’t wanna do something stupid anymore.”

“Then…” Junhong turned to face Himchan. He wanted to put his hand on his sleeve but refrained himself. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for the whole day. I think I’m gonna stop working for a while, go somewhere else. I’m not really gonna consult a psychiatrist but I think I’ll find a peaceful place to recover. Maybe it’ll help to clear my mind.”

Himchan met Junhong’s eyes and flashed him a small smile. Then he took his hand and squeezed it weakly.

“I’m so sorry Junhong but maybe this is the best choice.”

Junhong looked down at their hands, the corner of his lips lifted up in a sad way.

“Maybe.”

A/N:

>.< 

Aww this story is reaching its ending. I think this chapter seemed a bit rushed? I don't know. I've edited it many times but I still think that it happened too fast. keke. I hope the chapter wasn't too cheesy or lame ( I think it is OTL ) 

Please look forward to the last chapter, that is the twentieth chapter. :)