“Hyung, I broke our promise.” Junhong sat down on the floor in the telephone booth, staring at the glass as the rain hit it lightly, producing a calming sound. “I fought with the kid who used to beat me up. I’m sorry, Yongguk hyung. I’m so sorry for breaking our promise. I just couldn’t hold back. He pissed me off.”

Junhong let out a long sigh and held the receiver closer to his lips.

“Yongguk hyung, I’m still waiting. Where are you? I think I’m getting tired of waiting. Why can’t you come this instant? Why can’t you take me away with you? I hate living with the murderer. He acts all nice and friendly, as if he’s living in happy land. He’s torturing me with his kindness. I hate him, hyung. I hate him so much. I wish I could kill him just the way he killed you. I’m sure I’ll feel better…right? Hyung? Can’t you hear me?”

Junhong held his palm over his mouth, his eyes closed.

“Am I not worth living in this world? Should I just rot to death?”

The door of the telephone booth opened. Junhong looked up to meet Himchan’s eyes. He was holding his see-through umbrella in his right hand. When he saw Junhong, he flashed a weak smile, his eyes slowly averting his.

“I knew you would be here,” Himchan said in a faint voice. “Let’s go home.”

Junhong stayed seated on the floor, his long legs folded awkwardly in the cramped space. Himchan took a step forward and bent down before him, his lips in a tight line and his face solemn. They stared at each other for a long time in complete silence before Himchan decided to speak up.

“Do you know why I decided to help you?”

Junhong blinked, water dripping from his wet hair. It had started raining the moment he ran away from school. By the time he reached the telephone booth, he was already soaked through. He could feel his feet freezing from the puddle in his shoes.

“It’s not because I pity you.” Himchan said it in a dry tone. He suddenly reached out to grab Junhong’s left arm. Junhong wanted to jerk his arm away but he was too tired to do so. Himchan rolled up his sleeve and stared at the scars on Junhong’s forearm. There were three scars carved horizontally on his pale skin. Himchan traced his fingers on the scars and pursed his lips. For a moment, Junhong thought he could see tears in the man’s eyes. “My mom used to slit my arms. She did it because she’d lost my father’s love. You see, my father’s a workaholic. He didn’t come home that often and he didn’t even greet her when he was home. No need to explain further, you get the picture.

“Anyway, knowing that my father wouldn’t love her anymore, my mom decided to hurt me. I was five for heaven’s sake,” Himchan chuckled grimly. “She beat me up and yelled at me, telling me that I was the cause of their broken marriage. Funny, don’t you think so?”

Junhong closed his eyes and bit his lips. He had no idea why he didn’t run away. Himchan was the last person he wanted to see right now but here he was, telling him all about his tragic childhood days.

Was he trying to evoke sympathy? 

“When the neighbors found out about my mom abusing me, they called the police. I was lucky that she didn’t kill me by the time the police arrested her. She went to prison and died right away—suicide, I guess. Ten days later my father passed away too. I didn’t remember how because the next thing I knew, I was adopted by this nice old lady. She pampered me, gave me warmth and raised me like her own child. When I turned seventeen, she too, passed away. Lung cancer, if I remember correctly. It’s really weird to know that death is so fond of people around me. Anyway, I had the chance to enter the university and graduate successfully. Now, I’m a social service officer, living a peaceful life. A happy ending, don’t you think so?”

Junhong opened his mouth to tell Himchan that there was no happy ending but he couldn’t. He was on the verge of sleeping. It was cold outside and he was shivering.

“I want to protect you, Junhong. I need you to trust me. I don’t know why but when I see you…” Himchan let the sentence trail off. Junhong opened his eyes but didn’t look at him. He only stared up at the night sky, frowning. The sky was always crying, as if urging Junhong to cry along with it.

“I see myself in you.”

A thunder growled.

Junhong blinked at the white light coming from the sky.

“It’s getting late,” Himchan said, standing up as he took Junhong's hand in his. “Let’s go home, Junhong.”

♦

Junhong stood outside the 24 hour shop with his hands wrapped around him, shivering in the cold. Yongguk was still inside, purchasing a dozen cups of ramyeon for dinner and other necessary things.

While waiting for his brother, the sixteen-year-old boy decided to observe the passersby to kill time. Some seemed busy, walking in fast pace with their heads down or talking through the phones. The others who didn’t seem that busy would walk leisurely, smiling at their partners or the sky if they were alone.

Junhong squatted on the ground, squinting his eyes as he focused on a little boy who had his hands wrapped around his mother’s. The boy was skipping with delight, talking with his mother and smiling like he had the world all to himself.

He kept on skipping and-

“Hey, why are you on the ground?” Yongguk interrupted.

Junhong looked up at his brother and made a face.

“W-what took you so long? I’m f-freezing out here.” Junhong rubbed his arms up and down, his teeth chattering as he talked.

Yongguk laughed at the freezing boy, reaching out his hand to ruffle his hair.

“Then why didn’t you wait inside? I didn’t ask you to stand outside…”

“Well-” Junhong started but then closed his mouth when he realized that Yongguk was being logic. Embarrassed that he’d lost, he scowled and gave his brother a punch in the ribs, earning a loud laugh from the latter.

“You’re so stupid sometimes,” Yongguk told Junhong and he only replied with a grunt.

“Hyung,” Junhong called out when they reached a traffic light. “Do you hate mom?”

Yongguk stopped in his tracks and turned to face Junhong, his lips parted slightly. Junhong stared back, waiting patiently for his brother’s answer. Yongguk dropped his gaze to the plastic bag he was carrying and cleared his throat.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just because…”

Yongguk blinked at him, obviously confused of his brother’s sudden curiosity. Junhong had never talked about their mother since the day she left.

“Well, I don’t hate her.” Yongguk finally answered after thinking for a while. Junhong nodded silently, walking by his brother’s side when the traffic light turned green. “I just…dislike her.”

“Why?”

“Because she had hurt your feelings,” Yongguk replied in a dark tone. Junhong took a hold of his sleeve. “She gave you a big scar on your heart.”

“But she’d hurt you too,” Junhong stated. “Why hate her because of me?”

“I can take care of my feelings but you can’t by yourself. You’re still young.”

“And you’re not old.”

“Yeah, but I’m already a grown up when she left the house. You’re just a kid.” Yongguk smiled sadly at Junhong. The boy smiled back but frowned immediately when his brother looked away. “Jello, I hope you wouldn’t hate mom forever.”

“Why can’t I?”

“Because I’m afraid that you wouldn’t be able to open up to people when you grow up,” Yongguk stopped walking and turned around to face Junhong, placing his hand on his head. They were at the same height. Yongguk was sure that Junhong would surpass his height by the end of the year. He was jealous of the younger’s height, to tell the truth.

“I just want to remind you that bad things happen often and so do good things. Don’t hate adults just because they remind you of how selfish mom was. Some of them can be trusted, you know? They can help you if you’re in trouble. You can’t just depend on me. I don’t live forever; I’m mortal just like you. Can you do that for me, Jello?”

“I think so,” Junhong shrugged, grumbling in protest when Yongguk started pressing his head down teasingly.

“Make sure you try, okay?” Yongguk raised his eyebrows at him. Junhong rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. Yongguk pressed his head harder. “For me?”

“Fine,” Junhong nodded as he swatted his brother’s hand off his head. “I know what you were trying to do just now, hyung. Did you think by doing that you could stop me from growing taller than you?”

“I got caught,” Yongguk face palmed himself, laughing embarrassedly.

“I’m going to get taller than you so there’s no stopping me.” Junhong stuck out his tongue as he ran towards their house.

“Life is like photography, Jello. You need the negatives to develop.”

Junhong stopped in his tracks and turned around to face his brother. He was about to say something but then he pressed his lips in a tight line and only nodded.

Yongguk would’ve made a good philosopher in the future, Junhong thought.