“You haven’t finished your homework,” Jongup gave Junhong a disapproving look.

Junhong blinked and took a sip of his banana milk before he gazed up at Jongup who was sitting across him. Then he shrugged and attempted to close his textbook when Jongup stopped him by placing his hand on the book.

“Mr. Park will give you detention if you don’t finish this one,” Jongup warned him.

It was recess and only a few of the students were in the classroom, including the two of them. The three bullies were nowhere to be seen—probably beating up another kid, Junhong thought.

It had been days since they last beat him up. Now that Junhong was living with Himchan, he got to leave school safely since Himchan would wait for him at the entrance. But still, he couldn’t avoid them during school. While studying, they would throw paper planes at him and tie his shoelaces without him knowing so he would trip. And they would also shove him to the wall when he was walking down the hall.

Junhong had to remind himself constantly that he was lucky that Aron didn’t get to hurt him anymore. He wouldn’t get to slit his wrist in school because Junhong knew that they were afraid to be caught by the teachers.

The teachers didn’t really care about the students actually. The math teacher, Yoochun had seen the bruises on Junhong’s face but he didn’t ask him how he got it. He merely shrugged and acted like nothing concerned him. It was the same for the homeroom teacher. She would only smile at Junhong as usual. She didn’t even offer to help him.

Junhong was surprised at his teachers’ lack of reaction the day the teachers found out about his bruises. He wanted to scream at them and tell them that they were being irresponsible but he knew it would do him no good. He had nothing to do with them. He was just a student to them. A stranger when he was outside of the school compound.

Junhong had always hated adults. They were selfish being. They couldn’t be trusted because in the end, they would only break the one who’d put their faith on them.

Just like his mother.

Junhong would’ve blamed his mother for turning him that way.

“Yaa, were you listening to me or not?” Jongup hit Junhong’s head with a pencil. Then he sighed when Junhong replied him with two blinks. “I’ll explain one more time. You better listen.”

“Sorry,” Junhong apologized.

“It’s fine,” Jongup’s face brightened up with a warm smile.

Knowing that he was the only person Junhong would talk to in school made him feel happy. He was glad that Junhong had agreed to be his friend. He didn’t approach him because he pitied him. It was simply because he wanted to be friends. And that was all. No hidden motives. Junhong might seem reluctant to talk to him but he was sure that soon enough, Junhong would talk more.

Time would help Junhong to open up to Jongup.

Jongup was sure about that.

“I’m sorry,” Jongup frowned all of the sudden. Junhong stared at him confusedly when he saw Jongup placing the pencil on the table, eyes downcast. “I’m such a coward. Whenever the bullies enter the class I would pretend like we’re not friends. And I would only talk to you when there’s no one to judge us. I’m a bad friend. I wish I was braver…”

“No,” Junhong shook his head. Jongup gazed up at him and opened his mouth to say something but then he stopped. Junhong gave him a small smile—which was a rare sight—and nodded. “I’m okay with that. I don’t hate you for treating me this way. At least I have a friend. I don’t want the bullies to know anyway or else they would beat you up too.”

Jongup stared at Junhong with his mouth wide open. It was Junhong’s first time speaking more than one sentence. Returning Junhong’s smile with a bigger one, Jongup resumed helping him with his homework until the bullies returned.

When Jongup had gotten back to his seat, he glanced back at Junhong who was sitting at his desk with his shoulders hunched, crumpled papers thrown at him as usual.

Jongup balled up his hands into tight fists.

He wished he could stand up for him. He wished he was braver, not a coward who refused to be seen talking with the toy of the class.

Maybe time was what he needed. He needed time to gather his courage.

It might sound stupid but Jongup knew that someday, he would be able to stand proudly by his friend’s side in front of everyone, including the bullies.

He’d promised himself that he would do it someday. 

♦

When the bell rang, Junhong packed up his belongings and stuffed them into his backpack. Before the bullies could make eye contact with him, he joined the crowd and let them lead him towards the entrance.

Himchan would be there waiting for him.

“Junhong.” A voice called out.

Junhong turned around and saw his homeroom teacher looking at him, all the while struggling with the bundle of books in her hands. Junhong approached her reluctantly, his hands fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. He was supposed to get out of the school. He didn’t want to come across those hooligans.

“Can you help me bring these books to my car? I don’t think I can reach my car without dropping them,” Hyosung smiled.

Junhong shrugged and took the books from her. On their way to the parking lot, Junhong kept on glancing around, afraid that the bullies were out to get him. He didn’t want to suffer from another beating.

He wished he could just drop the books and run away.

“Thank you,” Hyosung thanked him as she stepped into her car, the books stacked on top of each other at the passenger’s seat. “See you tomorrow.”

When she’d left, Junhong quickly made his way to the gate, almost running at full speed.

And of course, he was greeted by misfortune, as usual.

It was Aron. Junhong blinked and looked around cautiously, searching for the other two. They weren’t there with their leader. It was weird to find him alone.

What was he doing alone?

When Junhong thought about it, sometimes he would see Aron walking alone. Maybe because his friends had dates and he was just not interested in joining them. Aron had always been a bit different from his friends.

“What are you looking at orphan?” Aron sneered at him.

Junhong turned around, still looking for the others. When he was a hundred percent sure that Aron was alone, he strode towards him and grabbed him by the collar.

“Oh, now that I’m alone you have the guts to beat me up?” Aron chuckled darkly.

Without a word, Junhong threw him a hard punch on his face. Aron stumbled to the ground, hands outstretched to prevent his face from getting caked by dirt.

He turned to face Junhong and started laughing.

“Is that all you got, you retarded orphan?!” he smirked, getting on his feet as he brushed his thumb over his bleeding lips. “I can do better than that.”

This time, Aron gave Junhong a quick punch on his face. Junhong staggered backwards and was about to return his punch with a kick on the shin when Aron lunged at him, sending both of them rolling on the ground, throwing random punches at each other’s faces.

“I won’t let you hurt me again.” Junhong said through clenched teeth.

“Now you’re talking!” Aron laughed, blocking a kick from the taller boy. 

Since Junhong was taller, he got the advantage to tower over the bully and push him back to the ground. Not giving Aron a chance to recover, Junhong started beating him up, kicking and punching him with all his might.

Aron didn’t fight back, surprisingly.

“You’re just like me,” Aron said when Junhong had stopped beating him. Junhong glowered at him. He didn’t know what he was talking about. Aron sat up on the ground and coughed. Then he stared at Junhong in the eyes, his lips curled up into a disturbing smile. “You’re broken too. Your life is just a pile of crap. You’re a ghost, orphan. No one acknowledges your existence. You don’t deserve to live. You’re just a speck of dust…waiting to be blown away by the wind. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’m nothing like you,” Junhong spat at him.

“Oh really?”  

Junhong grabbed his backpack that was lying on the ground and walked towards the entrance. Aron kept on laughing hysterically, as if he’d lost his mind.

When Junhong had made his way out of the school, he saw Himchan leaning against the front part of his white car, his fingers tapping his folded arms anxiously.

“Junhong…” Himchan gasped upon seeing Junhong’s battered face. He rushed to him and grabbed him by the shoulder. “Who did this to you?!”

Junhong replied him with a dazed look, his mind not completely intact. 

“Tell me now, Junhong!” Himchan pressed. “I’m not gonna let them hurt you again so tell me! Dammit, stop being a mute and tell me!”

Junhong creased his forehead and gritted his teeth.

Who did he think he was to talk to him like that? What made him feel that he had the rights to help him? Didn’t he know that Junhong hated him to death?

Junhong punched Himchan in the face, earning a stunned look from the man.

“I don’t need your hospitality.” Junhong muttered. “I don’t need you breathing down my neck! Get lost!” 

Himchan rubbed his cheek, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. Both of them were breathing heavily, their hearts beating rapidly against their chests.

“No,” Himchan shook his head. “I won’t back down. I’ve made my choice the first time we met. I’ll help you even if you refused to be helped. I won’t stop helping. I won’t let you break yourself. I’m going to report to the school about those bullies.”

Junhong didn’t respond. He had his eyes glued to the ground, his hands trembling and aching from all the punches he’d thrown.

“You heard me,” Himchan said. “I won’t stop helping you. I’m your guardian, Junhong and it’s a guardian’s job to help.”

For a second Junhong felt like he could trust the man standing in front of him but when he stared into his eyes he realized that was he was facing a murderer.

Junhong shut his eyes and bit his lips.

Why was fate complicating his life? What was the purpose? Why couldn’t he be left alone to deal with his problem? Of all people why Kim Himchan?

Junhong wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, telling that the world wasn’t being fair.

The world wasn’t being fair because the more hatred Junhong had for Himchan, the closer Himchan became to him.

Junhong found himself drowning in Himchan’s kindness.

He was a murderer, his brother’s murderer!

He didn’t want to owe him.

He just wanted to hate him to death, that was all.

Yongguk hyung, would you hate him if you were me?