“I failed my history test!” Jongup showed Junhong his test paper, his face in a state of shock.

“I got an A,” Junhong smirked at him as he held up his own paper.

“Man, you’re better than I am.” Jongup sighed as he sat down across Junhong. “Since when did you become so smart?”

“I thought I was smart,” Junhong chuckled when Jongup punched him in the shoulder.

“So how was your celebration for winning the basketball competition?” Jongup propped his elbows on the desk, his smile never leaving his face.

“Festive,” Junhong lifted his eyebrows. “Himchan hyung took me to a fish restaurant and forced me to consume a big plate of black bass covered with cheese and other suspicious ingredients. I threw up when we got home.”

“Nice,” Jongup nodded, laughing as Junhong shuddered at the horrible memory. “Hey, I’m hungry. Let’s go get ourselves some melon breads.”

It was recess and it had become Jongup’s daily routine to spend the recess with Junhong.

 After Aron got expelled and Baekho got beaten up by Junhong, everything had turned out better.

Baekho and JR didn’t bully him anymore. Baekho was finally discharged from the hospital after getting treatment for a month. His face was still bruised though. It made Junhong feel a little guilty for giving him those bruises. Anyway, the bullies kept their distance from him. Sometimes, they would glare at him but it didn’t do him any harm so Junhong was glad that he was finally free from threats and injuries.

The other students had grown interested in Junhong. Of course at first, they had treated him like an outcast but now that they’d seen him laugh and joke around with Jongup, they realized that Junhong was fun to be with.

Junhong had even made new friends.

They were Minhyun and Ren. They hung out together quite often these days and Jongup was more than happy to see Junhong finally breaking his shell.

Junhong felt like everything was falling into the right place. He could never wish for more after gaining what he had never thought he could have.

He was satisfied with his life. It was perfect.

Or so he thought.

♦

Junhong unlocked the front door and was about to enter the house when Himchan’s car pulled over at the driveway. Turning around to face Himchan, Junhong held up a hand to greet him. Himchan got out of his car and gave Junhong an apologetic look.

“I forgot to pick you up at school again,” Himchan scratched his head and smiled weakly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, hyung. You’re busy, I understand that. School’s not that far from here anyway,” Junhong shrugged as he stepped inside.

“I heard you won the competition.” Himchan said in a proud tone as he made his way into the kitchen to feed Bbang. “So how do you wanna celebrate it?”

Junhong closed the front door and stared at Himchan confusedly. When Himchan realized that Junhong hadn’t answered his question, he turned to him and raised a brow quizzically.

“Hyung, we’ve celebrated it last Saturday.” Junhong told him.

“What are you talking about?” Himchan laughed. “But they called me to announce the winner last night.”

“That’s last Friday, hyung,” Junhong creased his forehead. Then he approached Himchan and placed his hand on his sleeve.

Usually Junhong wouldn’t touch someone else other than his brother but after spending a lot of time with Himchan, he had grown attached to him. Maybe he’d become fond of him unconsciously but Junhong still doubted his feelings towards Himchan. Of course, he’d finally broken down his walls to let Himchan enter his unfortunate world but he just wasn’t sure what to feel for the latter. It was just weird to think that he could accept him that easily.

Nevertheless, he always told himself that he should try to change things. After all, he was trying to keep his promise with Yongguk.

 “Are you okay?”

“What? I’m perfectly fine,” Himchan chuckled but Junhong could sense the uneasiness on his face. “I’m becoming more forgetful these days. Guess I’m already old.”

Himchan went back into the kitchen and started taking out the ingredients for Kimchi Stew from the fridge. Junhong sat down on the couch in the living room and watched him silently.

Himchan wasn’t that old to be forgetful.

 Junhong realized that he forgot about things often after recalling the previous events.

He would wake Junhong up at Sunday, asking him to go to school. He would come home without buying milk for Bbang. He would leave the TV on when he went to his room to sleep. He would search for his car key although he’d always put it in the bowl at the living room.

What was going on with Himchan?

“Now where did I put Bbang’s food?” Himchan muttered as he looked around in the kitchen. “I thought I’d stored it in the cupboard…”

Junhong walked into the kitchen and opened the door to the pantry. Then he grabbed Bbang’s food and gave it to Himchan who had a surprised look on his face.

“You relocated it in the pantry, remember?” Junhong eyed him suspiciously.

“Oh,” Himchan nodded slowly. Then he smiled at Junhong as he patted him on the shoulder to thank him.

Junhong could only smile back at him.

When Himchan had turned his attention back to cooking Kimchi stew, Junhong went into his room to take a short nap.

It felt like only a minute had passed since he closed his eyes but when Himchan called out for him, he realized that he’d slept for two hours. It was already nine o’clock.

Junhong sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes when he noticed a photo lying on the floor. He bent down to grab it and smiled when he looked at the photo. He must have dropped it when he took off his blazer, he thought.  

It was a photo of Yongguk and him.

He’d been carrying the photo around with him since the day Yongguk left him. It was the only photo and memory he had of his brother. It was the same photo that Aron had threatened to burn months ago. Junhong would’ve killed the bully if he had burnt the photo.

Tracing his fingers on the photo, Junhong recalled the days when he and Yongguk would play basketball together in the evening at the court. Yongguk was the one who’d taught him to play. He mastered the sport in a short period and surpassed his brother easily. Yongguk had been upset knowing that the boy was better than him but he was proud nonetheless.

“Yaa, Junhong!” Himchan barged into the room, a ladle in his right hand. “I’ve been calling you so many times and you’re still sleeping?”

“Sorry, I just woke up,” Junhong apologized and intended to put the photo into his backpack when Himchan saw it.

“What’s that?” Himchan asked as he the light and sat down on the bed with Junhong.

“It’s…” Junhong blinked and bit his lips, fiddling with the photo nervously. “It’s a photo of me and my brother.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you have a brother!” Himchan beamed. He snatched the photo from Junhong and looked at it, squinting his eyes. “So what’s your brother’s…name…?”

Himchan froze, his lips parted. Junhong could see his hands trembling.

“Hyung, I haven’t told you-”

Himchan dropped the photo and the ladle. The ladle made a clanking sound as he stood up and stared at Junhong with wide eyes.

“Y-you…” Himchan took a few steps backwards until his back touched the wall. “Y-you’re his b-brother…?”

“Yes,” Junhong answered in a surprisingly calm tone. He tried approaching Himchan but the latter held up his hand before him.

When Junhong stared into his eyes, he could see fear in them. It was as if the photo had rekindled something that had been put to sleep for a long time— Himchan’s memory of the accident. Everything came back to him in an instant.

“I-it can’t b-be…” Himchan’s eyes were b with tears by now.

He was starting to hyperventilate.

Junhong took another step closer to him but Himchan scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room. Shocked, Junhong could only stand still, trying to comprehend the situation until he heard a loud crash coming from the living room.

Junhong got out of his room and gasped when he saw Himchan throwing things on the floor, acting like a madman.

“Hyung, calm down,” Junhong said nervously but Himchan kept on throwing everything that was within his reach. “Hyung!”

“It can’t be,” Himchan chuckled nervously. Then he pointed a shaky finger at Junhong and shook his head. “No, you’re not. You’re not his brother. This is a joke, right? Tell me.”

“Hyung,” Junhong took a step forward but Himchan stepped back immediately, treating him like a plague.

“I’m just dreaming,” Himchan held up a hand to his head, face lighting up a bit as if he was reminded of something. “This is just that same nightmare. As his family member, you’re gonna kill me. You’re here to kill me! I thought I’d gotten rid of my nightmares...”

 Junhong ran to him and wrapped his arms around him, tightening his grip when Himchan started struggling.

“Don’t touch me!” Himchan shouted, shoving the teenage boy with all his strength. “Get away from me! You’re not real! I just need to wake up from this nightmare and everything will be okay…everything will be okay. I just…I just have to…”

Himchan ran his hand over his face and rubbed his eyes furiously. He was trying so hard to bring himself back to reality. Junhong could only stare at him bewilderedly. He’d never seen this side of him before. He was usually composed and cheerful. He had always had that certain glimmer in his eyes but the person who stood in front of Junhong at that moment was way different from the person he knew.

It was like looking at someone else who had the same face as Himchan.

Junhong could feel himself trembling with fear.

Himchan was panicking, his eyes darting here and there as if he was lost. Before Junhong could reach out for him once again, he shouldered past him as if he was invisible and rushed into the bathroom, cupping his mouth.

Junhong could hear him throwing up.

“Hyung…?” Junhong knocked on the door. When he heard nothing but the sound of water coming out from the shower—followed by Himchan’s distressed sobs and cough— he decided to enter.

Himchan was there, sitting beside the toilet bowl, his knees to his chest and his face buried in his arms. He was soaking wet, since the shower was aimed at him, but Junhong came to his side and embraced him, closing his eyes as he prayed that nothing bad would happen to the person he had only started to care about.

“I-I didn’t k-kill him,” Himchan muttered, his eyes shut tightly. “Please let me wake up from this nightmare. It’s not my fault…”

He rocked back and forth like a little boy, muttering to himself between sniffs.

“I don’t blame you, hyung,” Junhong cried. “I don’t hate you anymore.”

Himchan continued to cry, oblivious to his surroundings.

“I didn’t k-kill B-Bang Yongguk.”