"What are you doing here?"

I slowly approached the bench she was sitting on. Jihyuk was holding something behind her and she had a mischievous smile. She didn't respond.

"What are you doing here?" I repeated. "You shouldn't have waited for me."

And she reached up to wipe the sheen of sweat from my forehead with her palm. "What has four wheels and a skull painting on the back?" Jihyuk asked.

I tried peeking behind her but she didn't let me. "Um, a car owned by a rock star?"

She snorted. "No. It's a hundred times smaller than a car."

"What is it?" I said, slowly growing impatient.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Who has only one brain cell left after he finished the board exams and is being a bastard?"

I raised my hand. "Okay. I really have no idea what thing has four wheels and is a hundred times smaller than a car so you have to tell me the answer right away." And she let me put my arm around her shoulders.

Jihyuk presented me a skateboard. "To celebrate the day that you finally finished the board exams, we will go to the park and you will help me learn how to skate," she said, pulling me to follow her.

"Where did you get that?" I asked, pacing beside her.

She shrugged. "Sunmi found it by the porch this morning. It has a skull painted on it so I'm thinking a punk left it there, but anyway, finders keepers." And she scurried to the park while dragging me behind her. In the days, weeks and months to come, will I still get treated like this? Will I forever remain as her rag doll?

Jihyuk turned to look at me penetratingly as she narrated a story. I wasn't even listening. I just followed her doggedly, almost dazed at how her eyes glistened so deeply. I could drown in those eyes and never resurface, I thought. And I love her. Once again, the soft voice in the back of my mind speaks up. "Does she even love you back?" And I would tell that voice that I'm not sure. But I followed her. I followed Jihyuk with the resolution that if people were songs, I'd be the track that everyone skips and she'd be the record that everyone sings along to.

She snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Are you listening?"

"Sorry about that," I muttered. Sorry about the sloppy kisses. Sorry about the stiff hugs. Sorry about the sweaty palms when we hold hands and the awkward silence over the phone when I don't know what to say next.

And she clasped my hand tighter as we walked. In no time, we arrived at the park. Almost immediately, she sat down on the skateboard and held her hands up. "Pull me," Jihyuk said. So I did.

"I don't know how you can call this skateboarding," I said, feeling the board following right behind my ankles with each step. After a while, she had probably grown tired of sitting in an uncomfortable position. And so she stood up on the board while holding onto me for balance.

"Aren't you really going to ask about how my exams went?" I tried, walking sideways for the board to move underneath her.

She didn't even look at me. Jihyuk just stared at her feet, how they were steadily propped up the skateboard. "I don't have to ask. I know you did well."

I was teaching a beautiful girl how to skate without knowing how to do it myself. And she won't tell me she loves me, even after all these days. Even after kissing her. Even before hanging up on the phone. She just won't. And I wonder if she does. And it feels like I've done something terrible. Like I didn't deserve it. But I didn't ask her to say it. Maybe because she doesn't. I was teaching a beautiful girl how to skate and I'm trying my best not to kiss her.

Loving her, I thought, was like a free fall. Like I was resurrected from the dead. Like seeing the light after a millennium of darkness. I have read a lot of books but they were all the wrong ones and watched a lot of movies but they were not what I was looking for. And for the nth time, I wonder what it's like to be loved by her. Sometimes I think I love her too much that it was becoming difficult to feel nothing when she purses her lips after I tell her I love her.

I was awoken from my little trance by fingernails clawing on my forearms. I looked down at my arms and they were stinging from the angry red lines that ran across them. Jihyuk was on the ground -- her skateboard rolling over to somewhere and she was using her elbows to sit up. I must have been too lost in my thoughts to remember I was her balance.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, hooking my arm around her shoulders to help her up. She doesn't respond. Jihyuk stands up and rubs at her eyes with the back of her palm. I caught her arm before it returns to her side. "What's this?" I eyed the bleeding scrape on her elbow.

She yanked her arm back. "I don't know. A rainbow, possibly." With the biggest frown on her face and a cut on her chin, she picked the skateboard up and began walking away.

I followed after her. "Wait!" I exclaimed. "Look, I'm sorry." But she ignored me. I paced in front of her and ducked just enough to carry her on my back.

"Put me down. I won't skate anymore," she protested, but she clasped her hands around my neck anyway.

I held onto her knees on either side of me to keep her from falling off. "I'm sorry. I have medicine at home, okay?" I consoled. Jihyuk didn't say anything. But she responded with whimpers and pants against my nape. It was the most silent moment I ever had with her. When we reached home, I set her down on my bed and started to work. Kneeling in front of her, I dabbed cotton to clean off the blood before sanitizing the wounds with alcohol.

While I peel the Band-Aid off the adhesive, she sniffled. I look up, only to see her crying. "What—Why are you crying?" I let everything fall from my hands and inch closer to her. Her eyes were red at the rims as she kept on rubbing on them. She looked beautiful even when crying. I smiled. "Aish, this crybaby..." I dried her tears with my thumb. "Why are you crying? Have you lost your parents? Have you lost your country?"

Jihyuk looked down at her hands before looking back up at me. "You're a bastard. You let me trip and get wounded and then you pour alcohol on my wounds, you idiot. And then you're going to ask me why I'm crying?"

I laughed, long enough for her to laugh along. And just as I plastered the Band-Aid on her chin, I kissed her briefly. "Don't cry anymore, okay? You're just hungry. I'll buy you food as my peace offering."

***

[A/N] Haven't updated in a long while and this is a short chapter ugh school works and college applications and thesis and fangirling and ugh so busy. This is a rough draft, didn't have enough time to edit. Comments are appreciated! ^^