She was handing out flyers in the middle of the busy street. As always, Jihyuk wore that pretty smile whenever she meets new people. With every flyer she gives, smile. With every smile she gets back, a handshake. Jihyuk was ever friendly, and I guess that was one inborn trait that couldn’t be erased even by Alzheimer’s.

What could she look like to other people?

At first glance, maybe they’ll even think she’s pretty. Maybe even beautiful. And that’s no doubt because she is. The second, they might think she was normal, like there was nothing going on inside her head – like her brain wasn’t self-destructing. Thirdly, they would notice her clothes – how the buttons were mismatched and some weren’t even closed – then their impression of her would change. Instead of feeling admiration, these people would accept the flyers she give and do it out of pity. And as they walk away they might even utter a silent prayer of thanks that they don’t know her. That they’re not like her. That they’re not her.

Because Alzheimer’s meant that one moment you could cook breakfast and even set the table, and the next you might not remember what you were doing in the kitchen, or where you are in the first place. No matter how many weeks or months pass, I will not stop questioning why out of all the people in the world, Jihyuk had to be the one. It could be one of the people passing by my car or one of the street food vendors. But it was like some kind of divine intervention that handpicked Jihyuk. And I used to think that as time passes by, I will slowly accept this – me having to wake up each morning in fear of Jihyuk having forgotten how to sit up. Forgotten how to speak. Forgotten me. I used to think that as the days pile up, if the days hit a certain number, the Alzheimer’s will magically disappear. I keep praying for that day to come.

A few moments later, a rowdy group of boys walked by. They were in high school, I assumed, for they looked taller and more mischievous than elementary school boys. As usual, Jihyuk flashed them her smile and handed them flyers. As soon as they received it, however, a few of the teenagers hurled them to the ground and stomped their feet on them. Some, on the other hand, crumpled them or made them into paper airplanes. 

While the boys made fun of her, Jihyuk wanted to take the flyers back, knowing it would be such a waste if they only get played with and not read. I tried to look away, hoping they’ll move quickly before I could lose my patience. Instead, the boys stuck around a bit longer and teased Jihyuk some more, one even taking the stack of papers in her hands and letting it fly all around them. She tried chasing the papers while muttering something I couldn’t make out.

I stayed still inside the car, as if they could easily see me behind the tinted windows, and watched helplessly. Jihyuk didn’t even notice nor recognize my car, but at least I could watch her from a close distance. Jihyuk ran her gentle hands across the sheets of paper, trying her best to crease them neatly before handing them to people who would pay more attention. Such a demure image in the middle of ruckus when the boys had a paper fight with her in the middle. I swear I wouldn’t be able to control myself if ever they touch even just a single strand of her hair.

***

“Where were you from? Did you know I called you, like, a thousand times? You didn’t even pick up! You don’t have the slightest idea how worried I was!” I shouted, feeling so angry that I could just burst any moment. I kept a safe distance from where Jihyuk sat, just in case I lost my mind and for a moment think of hurting her. Though there was a slight chance of that happening, it was still better to be safe. “What if something happened to you? What if there were no police officers nearby, huh? Do you think I’ll be able to help you, much less find you? I won’t know what to do. I won’t know where to go. I don’t know, Jihyuk, I—“ I ran a hand through my hair and sighed instead, fearing I would say something I would regret later on.

Her fingers brushed against the corner of my lip. “You’re bleeding.”

“Don’t mind me,” I said, flinching away and watching as she retracted her hand.

“What were you doing with her, huh?” I growled, grabbing the first boy I could reach by his ear. Kicks started coming at me from everywhere.

“What’s your problem?” one asked, delivering a punch afterwards which landed on my arm. I guess he was close with the boy I first hit.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Who are you anyway?”

I hope not a lot of people get drawn to by the noise and the mess we were making. After witnessing what they did to Jihyuk while she was handing out flyers, I followed where the teenaged boys were heading and beat them there. With clenched fists, I waited for them by a narrow alleyway and grabbed the first chance I had when they finally passed by. A kick from behind me sent me down on my knees, but dodged another punch directed towards me. I held another by his collar and pushed him towards the wall, while my free elbow crushed a different boy’s nose.

No matter how many fists hit me, I centered my attention on the boy in front of me. The fear in his eyes replaced the mischievous gleam they had when he took the stack of papers from Jihyuk’s hands and let it fly everywhere. My hands were trembling in fury as they wrapped around the boy’s neck. “Do you treat your mother that way?” I spat out through gritted teeth. And, turning to the rest of them, “Do you treat your sister that way?” I said. “How would you all like it if I treat them the same way, huh?”

I let go of the boy and watch him nurse a tender part of his forehead. “Because you don’t treat a woman that way, especially if she’s sick. And even if she isn’t. You don’t treat anyone like that. Because they don’t deserve it.” I saw the realization flash across their faces, but was quickly replaced by youth-induced pride and ignorance. I know someday they’ll remember me and think I was right, because I am. “And you can tell on me all you want. You can tell on me on the police and your parents. I don’t care.” The boys exchanged meaningful glances like they were surprised to hear me voice out what they had in mind. And the truth was, I couldn’t care any less, even as I walked away without another word.

Jihyuk reached behind her and retracted a box, which she gave to me with a small smile on her face. “Happy anniversary…” she said softly. “…and a half.” With her words, my anger soon dissipated and was replaced by confusion and shock. Of course. It had been a year and a half since we became a couple. Our wedding anniversary was a few months away, but it didn’t hurt to mark a random day special. “I’m sorry you got worried. I just wanted to surprise you and get you a present.” She was looking at me as she spoke, and I realize she wanted me to open it in front of her. 

Pulling the ribbon off, I took the lid and saw an expensive-looking watch, still in the small plastic case they use to display it in stores. “You’ve worked so hard the past few months and I felt so sorry that I couldn’t help you. And if me being sick wasn’t enough of a burden to you, I even quit my job because of it. I just wanted to give you something back, even just a small percentage out of all the things you’ve done for me.” She spoke like she was about to cry, but she ended her sentence with a smile. Slowly, I approached her, the box still in my hands. “Why, don’t you like it?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Thank you. You didn’t even have to give me anything.” I ducked in front of her and laid my palms on her knees.

“Do you like it?”

“I do.” I said, taking her hands in mine and kissing her knuckles gently.

“Will you use it often?”

I remembered the video camera she gave me. Maybe she saw it untouched and kept in a box inside my closet. “Of course.” In an instant, I felt ashamed. The woman who couldn’t remember where she put her glass of water remembered our anniversary. Now that I was directly in front of her, I remembered her blouse. “See?” I gestured, reaching out to fix the buttons of her top. “You can’t even wear your clothes correctly and you go out of the house immediately. No wonder kids make fun of you in the streets.”

And in the year and a half that I have known Jihyuk, I thought about no matter how she may come off as loud and outgoing, Jihyuk loved so quietly. A behind-the-scenes kind of affection. I have seen how she was with her parents and with her sister. She had no time saying it out loud because she was busy showing it. On the other hand, I love loudly – saying the words out loud and showing them in the “loudest” way possible. Nevertheless, I know we don’t love each other any less, no matter how different we were.

“Maybe…” she said faintly. “Maybe I embarrass you.” Slowly, I looked up to face her and slowly, she met my gaze. It was obvious she was trying hard not to cry in front of me. “It’s okay,” Jihyuk said as she ran her fingers through my hair and tried smiling to hide the fact that she was hurting. 

“No. Never,” I said, holding both her hands. “Don’t ever think that way, because I’m not, okay? I’m not ashamed of you.” As a response, she just nodded and immediately fell silent. After seconds, I asked, “What did you do to have money?” as if I had no idea.

At first, it looked like she was debating whether to answer me or not, but in the end, she did. “I gave out flyers for the whole day.”

I smiled at her and tucked a few strands of hair away from her face. “How much did you earn?”

“Not much,” Jihyuk shrugged. “The ahjumma told me she’ll give me 55000 won if I gave out all the flyers.” Then she proudly showed me her payslip.

“How many flyers did you give out?” I asked as I browsed through it. 

She counted from her fingers, but then ended up staring at her palm. In the end, she kept her hands closed in fists. “Three hundred,” she said. Jihyuk sounded like she was proud of her accomplishment. 

And I felt happy that Jihyuk felt useful and normal even just for a day. But that feeling left easily and was replaced, once again, with anger. “It says here she only gave you 50000 won, Jihyuk,” I said. 

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” I argued, jolting up to stand. “She tricked you. You mean you didn’t even count how much she gave you?”

She looked away, like there was something she wasn’t telling me. “It’s okay,” Jihyuk said again. “I didn’t want to earn much. I just wanted to have enough for your present. So calm down.” And she rubbed her hands up and down my forearm. “It’s okay.” I tried calming myself down. Breathing in and breathing out. I inhaled as if I was calming storms. As if my life depended on it. I breathed in as if I was trying to absorb the fact that Jihyuk didn’t know how to count anymore.

***

An update!! Finally!!! I plan on finishing the story before summer ends. *prepares myself to say goodbye to another baby* (yes my stories are my babies)