It was snowing. One more day and it'll be December. She was sitting beside me yet she felt like a million miles away. Her eyes were staring far off in the distance. It was snowing and she wasn't bundled up. I unwound the scarf from my neck and put it around her. The heat from my fingertips caused her to flinch away. I burned her.  She breathed out a mist. It was snowing and we were sitting side by side. It was snowing and she was lightyears away.

"Hyukjae said you took your skateboard," I said, remembering how I had stared at the blankness on my bedroom door where the skateboard used to be hung. "Have you been practicing?" I put a hand on her lap and realized she was trembling. Peeling my jacket off to cover her, "Don't practice by yourself, unless you want to trip and fall--"

"Stop it," she said, the first two words she has spoken to me in two weeks, the same words that made me stop. She was still staring focusedly into space, seeing past the people passing by like they were invisible. 

"Okay," I muttered apologetically, and, spotting several food stands, "Do you want anything?" 

Jihyuk held her hand up to decline.

"Come on," I urged. "You don't have to move. Just tell me and I'll get it for you."

"I'm good. Thanks."

"No, you have to eat something. Pick anything you like and I'll pay for--"

"Stop it, please." 

"You know what, I'll just buy whatever and we'll eat everything. Would you like that or--"

"I said just stop it!" she exclaimed loudly, now tearing her gaze away from the distance and looking at me. Then she raked a hand through her hair in agitation before resuming her previous position.

"Sorry," I mumbled before falling back on my seat by her side. Facing her, "I just missed you a lot, that's all," I said and slipped my hand through hers. It was snowing and her hands were cold. It was snowing so I pulled her a little closer and held her a little tighter. She still kept her eyes on the vast emptiness in front of us. I pressed the side of my face against hers. "Kiss me."

She pulled her hand back. "Let's break up."

I sat upright. "What?" I exclaimed. 

She kept her gaze far away. "I said let's break up. Let's separate. I don't want this anymore," Jihyuk said. It was snowing, and her tone was cold, dripping with disgust.

"No, let's talk about this. You can't--"

"Yes, I can."

And we were silent for a while, with me looking at her and with her just staring straight out into nothingness. "It's Donghwa, isn't it?"

"Why do you always have to blame your brother for everything?" she asked almost angrily. "You know he's just after your well-being."

"Wow, did he also teach you all the right words to say?" I stood up in confusion. Looking around me, "Is he here? Is he hiding somewhere to make sure you really are breaking up with me? Do you want me to cry so he'll believe it? Tell me you don't consent to this. Tell me you don't want this." I sat by her side once more and held her hands, looking for that little clue in her face that shows she's just lying. "Is there someone else?" I blurted out before thinking thoroughly. But I ended up just bracing myself for what her answer will be.

"Yes," she said, voice cold and dead as if she hadn’t just killed me with her words.

I breathed deeply, trying to absorb her words in my mind. “Do you love him?” I asked, almost a whisper.

“Yes.”

“What about me?” I asked. “Do you still love me?”

She turned to look at me and blinked once. I remembered seeing her and thinking how she would never be my type. I remembered remembering all these and thinking I was wrong. I remembered missing her always, even during the times she was just right beside me. The crinkling of her eyes when she laughs, the twisting of when she smiles, the lovely slope of her nose, the arch where her neck and shoulder meet – I remembered noticing all these and thinking she was enough for me, maybe even too much. I remembered thinking I wasn’t good enough for her.

Jihyuk tore the gaze as quickly as that. “I never did.” It was snowing and Jihyuk was cold, inside and out. And now I remembered how she never called me by my name. Not once, not twice, not ever. I hate her. I hate her eyes which are too close to each other. I hate her boisterous laughter. I hate the mischievous look on her face when she smiles. I remembered having no one to talk to in the days she ignored me and only saw me whenever she needed something from me.

“Don’t worry. It didn’t mean anything to me anyway,” I retorted.

“Your brother was right,” she said. “It was all about the money. He was smart enough to see through me when you couldn’t.”

“Then what are you still doing here?” I asked. If she could act like she doesn’t care, why was it so difficult for me?

“I just wanted to tell you,” Jihyuk responded. “You call me too much, it’s annoying.” Another stab to my heart. She stood up and began walking away. Then she came to a halt in the middle and returned to give me my scarf back. So I sat there alone on the bench and wondered where my fault was for loving her with all my heart.

--

“Dr. Lee?” a nurse came running up to me.

“Yes?”

She handed me a clipboard. “Dr. Kim called in sick today. I guess he’s down with the flu, too. He told me to give you his rounds for today and tomorrow,” she said. “Are you sure you can do this? He runs around a lot and his shift is from 7 in the morning until 7 in the evening. If you have troubles, you can check in with me and I’ll see if other doctors are still available.”

“I got it. Thanks,” I muttered with a curt nod. She hurried to leave, her heels clacking against the tiled floor. Flipping through the papers for my first duty of the day, I hurried to Room 306 where a patient was confined for Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, a risky and incurable disease. The clipboard fell from my hands after seeing Sunmi hooked to an oxygen concentrator.