“Name?”

“Lee Jihyuk.”

“Age?”

“I turned 24 last February.”

“Address?”

“Apartment 936, 7^th floor, East building, Seocho Neighborhood, Seoul.”

“Status?”

“Married.” And with a sigh, she added, “Unfortunately.”

“What the hell are you saying?” I argued, and Jihyuk laughed at my reaction. Since she was just teasing, I cleared my throat and continued. “What’s my name?”

With a smirk on her face, she flicked me on the forehead. “Nice try.”

“What about my phone number?”

Jihyuk’s eyes widened, and she reached for her pockets. I waited for her to show me her phone and announce that she has my number on speed dial, but instead, she handed me a piece of paper with scribbles on it. Under my name and phone number, she had written our address. Beneath all means of identification, she had written, ‘If you’re reading this, I’m sorry for causing you trouble. Please get me home as quickly and as safely as possible. My husband will be waiting for me at home and I still have to make him dinner.’ Jihyuk noticed me reading and immediately snatched the paper away. “Your phone number is there, right? So you’ve read enough.” She tucked the paper back into her pocket and smiled at me.

I scurried to the kitchen before my tears could fall. It was hard to adjust and adapt to Jihyuk now that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. No one else but her, me, and Donghwa knows about it. And even without her saying, I could feel her struggle just the same. Her hardships have increased, although I thought the opposite would happen after we got married. If it’s even possible, Jihyuk was trying her hardest, showing how she would never succumb to her sickness. But the sad thing was she could never really escape it. One time at the grocery store, I was waiting for her to pick an ice cream flavor from the several tubs inside the freezer. I had roamed around the entire place for about fifteen minutes only to return to her still staring at the freezer. When I gave her a slight nudge, she reacted as if she was surprised to realize that she’s in a supermarket the whole time. Although she couldn’t look at me directly, I knew that there were tears in her eyes as she dragged me out and pleaded to go home.

Fixing my composure, I left the kitchen with a medicine container and a glass of water. While she stared at the pill in her palm, “Donghwa hyung gave this to me yesterday. He said it’ll help slow it down,” I explained, although the look in her eyes almost told me that it was a hopeless and useless counterattack against Alzheimer’s. Donghwa explained more about Alzheimer’s to me, and believe it or not, I’m finally learning something from him. Maybe Jihyuk’s case didn’t bring about only negative changes, but some were positive too. If it weren’t for her, I would have forgotten I had a brother. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have known that I could stick to one decision for a lifetime. I wouldn’t have known that I could care for and love someone as much as I do right now.

Wiping with the back of her palm, “I thought you had to go to the hospital today?” she asked.

I patted her head and kissed her forehead. “Not until later in the afternoon. But don’t worry. That can wait.”

She nodded and stood up. “I’ll make us coffee.”

“That doesn’t leave me that much choice, then.” I laughed, and watched her figure as she stood by the coffee maker and prepared two mugs. Before I could think about how her sickness will affect her everyday routine, I went to the bedroom and picked up two books – one for her and the other for me. I will forever relish in my memories the beautiful image of Jihyuk with the sunlight hitting her face and a book in her hands.

We laid on the couch, snuggling against each other in the little space we had. It always amuses me how Jihyuk reacts at little things – like letting out giggles and gasps and sighs. Almost an hour later, she must have felt tired and bored and decided to stop reading altogether. Instead, Jihyuk watched me read, like it was the most interesting thing to do. She put her arms around my neck and watched me read, once in a while kissing my cheek or playing with my hair. When I, too, felt tired, I put the book down and looked at her lips. Almost as if on cue, she smiled, like she was beckoning me to come closer, like she was asking me to kiss her, so I did. Sometimes I wonder how it had been so easy to fall in love with her that it scares me. Sometimes I think I love her too much it’s crazy.

We pulled away and against her lips I whispered, “Read to me.”

Flipping through her book, she began to read softly. Her lips were barely moving as she spoke. “Once there was a boy who couldn’t speak but owned a music box that held every song in all the world. One day he met a girl who had never heard a single melody in her entire life and so he played her his favorite song. He watched while her face lit up with wonder as the music filled the sky and the poetry of lyrics moved her in a way she had never felt before.”

“He would play his songs for her day after day and she would sit by him quietly – never seeming to mind that he could only speak to her through song. She loved everything he played for her, but of them all – she loved the sad songs best. So he began to play them more and more until eventually, sad songs were all she would hear.”

“One day, he noticed it been a very long time since her last smile. When he asked her why, she took both of his hands and kissed them warmly. She thanked him for his gift of music and poetry but above all else – for showing her sadness because she had known neither of these things before him. But it was now time for her to go away – to find someone who could show her what happiness was. Do you remem—“

“Stop it.” I said, closing her book and nearly tossing it away. “Just… just don’t talk about leaving. Ever.” I put my arms around her and held her tighter. “God, I just… I just love you so much.” I said against her hair, and maybe even that was an understatement. I love her more than anything else, even more than myself. “Have a little faith, baby.”

She giggled. “Are you telling that to me or to yourself?”

“To the both of us.”

Then Jihyuk sat up, taking our cups of coffee and handing one to me. “To our little faith?” She raised her mug.

I smiled, and clanked our mugs together. “To our little faith.”

***

Excerpt from Lang Leav’s Love and Misadventures, Sad Songs

Officially graduated from high school!!!