She woke up to the sound of the piano. Walking in shuffled steps because her pajamas were too long and reached soles of her feet, Jihyuk plopped down on the seat beside me and watched me play. Somehow we got along just like that. The silence was never awkward, nor does it get too silent to be deafening to the ears. It was the peaceful, no-talking kind of quiet. She was still while I played, so I was sure she had fallen back to sleep. Finished with the piece, “Wake up, sleepyhead,” I said, playing with the tendrils of her hair. Jihyuk was neither a morning nor a night person. She was in the in-between.

With eyes closed, Jihyuk kissed my shoulder and rested her head on it. “What are we going to do today?” she asked hoarsely, and was followed by a yawn. She didn’t wait for me to answer, because it looked like she was ready to tell me something. Sitting upright like she was mentally awake the whole time, “You know what,” Jihyuk started. “Something happened at the school yesterday and I didn’t get to tell you right away because I thought you were busy.” She rubbed at her eyes with her fist cutely. “Anyway, so this kid thought he was a professional and tried skateboarding inside the school. Inside the school! Can you believe that?” she exclaimed like it was the most amazing thing she had seen. “Then he lost control and crashed against the lockers. His head was cracked like a nut and needed stitches.”

“Cracked like a nut.” I snorted.

“Really!” She nodded, eyes really persuading. “I wanted to try and use his skateboard too. But, you know, I’m in school and I’m not as good as him. And I don’t want my forehead sliced.”

“Or your head cracked like a nut,” I teased.

She hit my arm. “It’s not funny,” Jihyuk said, but she was laughing. “Stop it. And it’s scary, okay? What if it happens to our—“ Our child, she wanted to say perhaps but she cut herself off. “What if it happens to your brother’s child, huh? Will it still be as funny?” To avoid opening the topic about having children, she stood up, gathering her hair up into a loose bun in the process. That was one problem I couldn’t bring myself to confront her with. “Come on, watch some TV while I make breakfast.” Smiling discreetly, I bit my lip and followed her out the door anyway. “Oh!” she exclaimed, coming to a halt in the middle of the living room.

With a huge grin on my face, I ran to the table. “Tada~”

“Mwoya…” she muttered, slowly approaching the table.

My face slipped into a frown. “You don’t like it?”

“Ya!” Jihyuk almost yelled, before leaning over my face. I thought she was going to kiss my cheek, but she only ended up biting my cheek. “Thank you. I’ll really really really eat well.” And she already seated herself to start on her breakfast. Seeing how she ate a lot and mumbled her approval of the food I prepared, it was almost as if I was full just watching her.

“Baby,” I called out as she ate. Stuffing her face, she barely looked up to face me, and I fought back a laugh. “Will you have anything to do today?” Jihyuk pondered about it for a while, then shook her head. “No appointments, no tutoring, no paper-grading to do?” I asked again, and was replied with a firm nod. “Then should we go out? I have today off so I’m all yours.” I smiled at her sweetly.

She grabbed a glass of water and downed everything in . Then she rushed towards me to sit on my lap. “Really?” I responded with a nod. “Really really really?”

“Really.”

She kissed me on the mouth. “That’d be great.”

***

Sometimes Jihyuk laughs too much even at my lamest jokes that I wonder whether she’s really laughing or she’s laughing out of pity. Since I met her, I have long given up on understanding Jihyuk. It was quite ironic. The more I know her, the more I can’t decipher. The whole day went by so fortunately slowly, as if each hour ticked like a year. I knew for sure that I could spend a lifetime with her.

We were at the mall, exiting the theater as the credits rolled, signaling that the movie ended. “You know what,” she said as we swung our interlocked hands. “Something happened at the school yesterday and I didn’t get to tell you right away because I thought you were busy—“

I rolled my eyes. “You already told me that.”

“I did?” she asked, scratching her head. “Okay.” When she turned silent, I wondered if I had sounded too rude, but then shrugged it off as she started talking again. “What if, like,” she started, always starting with what-ifs and what-abouts. She was a dreamer, and a doer. Jihyuk’s mind was full of endless possibilities and ideas that even I couldn’t think of. “What if people were only allowed to say a hundred words a day just to make the world a quieter place? Do you think that’s possible?”

“What if people exceeded the limit in a day?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Then you won’t be allowed to speak. It’s almost natural, like a switch inside your throat. So think: what are the possible repercussions?”

I considered the thought. “If that was so, then songs would only be made of a hundred words, as well as TV shows. Talk shows wouldn’t exist, unless the host and the guest would only write what they want to say.” I imagined a silent world, full of sign languages and silence. “People would avoid hurting others with their words, and only the most important ones are said out loud. Is laughing included?” I asked, wondering if the government would even think of that idea. Talking was so much a necessity, for those who are able, that is.

She looked at me like I said the most ridiculous thing ever. “Can you count how many ha’s are there when you laugh?” Then Jihyuk slapped my arm as she chuckled at how silly it was. “But really, though,” she continued. “If that happened, I’d use up all my month’s worth of words in a single day. And I bet other people would, too. Except you, for that matter.”

“Then I’ll give you my words,” I said. “You can use them. I don’t really like talking. Maybe I’ll use less than twenty, but then that’s it. In the morning, maybe I’ll use up six for ‘Good morning, Jihyuk. I love you.’ Then I can go through the whole day just pointing at stuff and writing what I want to say. When driving, I can’t waste my words cursing on how slow the car in front is. At night, I’ll use the rest for ‘How was your day, Jihyuk? Good night, I love you.’ And that…” I counted in my head. “…totals to sixteen words. You can have the 84 left.” When I looked at her, I could swear I saw her cheeks turn red. “You’re blushing,” I teased.

“Because you’re cheesy,” Jihyuk whined, cupping her cheeks in embarrassment. “Ah, let’s talk about something else.”

“No, let’s talk about your red cheeks.”

“Stop it,” Jihyuk stuck her fingers in her ears. “It’s normal!”

Laughing at her childish acts, I yanked her hands away from her ears. “Okay, I’ll stop teasing,” I promised, and she let her arms fall back down her sides. Putting my arm over her shoulders, we walked and walked along the mall, not sure where to go next. We weren’t hungry enough to eat, but not bored enough to just sit and watch people pass by.

It was almost sunset, so I decided to bring her near the huge windows facing the city. Looking down at the microscopic people, I said, “Quiz me. I know everything about you.” Jihyuk looked at me with her eyebrows raised questioningly. I held my right hand up. “I swear, I know everything. It took me a while to recall but I’m ready now.” Instead of answering, she just rested her chin on her propped up elbow and stared at me.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, pretending to think deeply. She laughed. “Okay, for starters, I know your parents expected their child to be a boy so they already named you Jihyuk, a boy’s name. When you came out and they realized you were a girl, the name still stuck,” I said. Jihyuk rolled her eyes, so maybe that was a basic. Maybe almost everyone knew that about her. “You like your hair long,” I continued. “…because then you’ll have something to brush.” And she burst out laughing. “Wae? Don’t you like brushing your hair?”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s a safety blanket, babo,” Jihyuk explained. “Like a stuffed toy to children, or fidgeting fingers to some. Whenever I get nervous or scared, I hide behind my hair.”

“That’s scary, though.”

“You just don’t know everything about me.” She stuck her tongue out. “Okay, next question. What was the name of my first pet?”

I clapped my hands together at the realization. “It’s a trick question,” I said, smiling. “You never had a pet.” Then I leaned back and felt something on the back pocket of my jeans. Reaching behind me, I pulled the rose out and handed it to her.

“Thanks,” she said, twirling the stem in between her fingers. “But, wait…” Jihyuk paused, looked out at the window, and looked back at me. “Is there something special today? I mean, is there an occasion? Are we celebrating something?” She tilted her head to the side, looking confused. “Have I forgotten something? You treated me so special today.”

I stared at her, wondering if she was playing another prank. Her eyes looked confused, waiting for answers. So I maintained a straight face and tried not to let my doubts show. “It’s your birthday today, Jihyuk.” I said, and she looked as surprised as ever. She even checked the calendar in her phone. Confirming it, she still looked like she couldn’t believe it. “Why, is aging too unacceptable for you?” I teased. “You’re just 24. It’s not a big deal. Do you know what the big deal is? I’ll turn 27 in a few months. That’s a big deal.”

Jihyuk looked at the rose and sighed. “I just have a lot in my mind,” she muttered.

We were silent for a while, the awkward kind. I cleared my throat. “Okay, I’ll continue,” I said. “When you were a kid, other children used to tease you as ‘cotton ball’ because you were cute—“ She snorted. “—and small and fluffy.” She was back to being the attentive one once again. “You wore the same pair of school shoes for three years because it was as if your feet stopped growing and remained the same size while the rest of your body grew.” I paused to think of some more. “You were always reprimanded in school for being noisy in class…”

“Oh!” she suddenly exclaimed. “You know what, something happened at the school yesterday and I didn’t get to tell you right away because I thought you were busy.” I looked at her as she talked, repeating the same story for the third time that day. “Anyway, so this kid thought he was a professional and tried skateboarding inside the school. He rode his board inside the school! Can you believe it?” I didn’t want to interrupt her again, so I just listened to her relay the story again. “Then he lost control and got out of balance and crashed against the lockers. His head was cracked like a nut with a slice on his forehead. It got so bad it needed stitches.”

She looked as if she was waiting for a response, so I nodded. I took a deep breath and wondered if I should say what was on my mind. I hesitated, but then realized it was better than nothing. “Jihyuk, don’t take this the wrong way,” I started. Jihyuk waited for my next words, which I chose carefully like my life depended on it. “I’m just concerned, so maybe you should…”

“I should…?”

I gulped. “Maybe you should see Donghwa.” She looked at me without any expression, so I feared that she might really have taken it the wrong way. “It’s not—I only want you to share your problems with someone who’s good at listening,” I said. “I mean, I can listen to you, but I won’t be able to help you. I just think you’re stressing yourself so much with work and house chores and other stuff that you overwork yourself.” Jihyuk was still intently staring at me. “Maybe Donghwa will help you with stress management or prioritizing or managing your time well so you won’t be so burdened by everything.”

Softly, almost like a whisper, “Is there something wrong with me?” she asked.

“No!” I was quick to protest. “It’s not that, Jihyuk. I just thought maybe a psychologist will help you since I’m not always here for you.”

Jihyuk looked out the window and considered the idea for a while. I trusted her to be open-minded with this, since she was a thinker. She understands things well without further explanation. “Okay,” she said after a while. I exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Is it because I’m weird?” she asked again.

“No, don’t ever think of it like that.” I said, putting an arm around her waist and pulling her closer. “I love you because you’re different.”

“Good,” she said, flashing a smile. “Because I tried being normal once,” Jihyuk looked at me and raked a hand through her hair. “And I almost died. It was the worst five seconds of my life.”

                                   ***

Few more weeks to go until my graduation so more time to write~ ^^