Shivering, I clutched my jacket tighter around me. I shifted from one foot to another, my feet squishing inside my soaked shoes. I knocked again. Maybe it was the rain. Or maybe she was mad at me. No, not just that. Maybe furious. I knocked again, louder this time. Was she home? I ran towards her bedroom window. Wiping the glass with my fist, I peeked inside and saw her figure sitting by the bed. Her back was turned against the window and her shoulders were trembling. Was she crying?

Sighing, I knocked on the window loud enough for her to turn around and see me waiting for her outside, under the pouring rain. She hurried towards the window and pushed it open. "What are you doing here?" she asked, leaning out the window and extending her hands on either of my cheeks. "What happened to your face?" And her hands crept down to my neck. "You're burning."

"Baby, take care of me," was all I muttered and she was gone.

The front door clicked open and she gestured for me to come inside. Once I was in, she closed the door behind me and knelt down to take my shoes off. When she was standing upright, she took my soaked jacket off too and said, "Go to my room and lie down." And I did. For a moment there, I just stared at her ceiling and let my wet clothes drip on her bedsheets. Maybe she was right. Bad things happen after happy moments.

The door opened and she slowly approached me, carrying with her a basin with water and a rag. Sitting by my side, she brushed her hand against my torn lip. I flinched. "Donghwa?" she asked and then sighed. I couldn't look at her. Couldn't stare into her eyes. "I'm sorry," she muttered softly and wiped the wet rag against my forehead. "Did you know Hyukjae makes the best sandwiches?" she said, her voice a pitch higher than usual. This was not her.

"Did you hear him?" I asked, now finally having the courage to look at her.

And now it was her turn not to look at me. "Hmm? Hear what?"

"Did you hear what Donghwa said?"

"Did he say something?" she asked back. "I don't think I heard something."

"Oh come on, Jihyuk," I whined. "Did you hear us while we talked?"

"Which part are you referring to?" she asked. "The one when he said you deserve better than me or the one when he said I earn very little?" She turned her back against me and took too long in dipping the rag with water. When she turned around, it was obvious she was trying hard not to cry. "Ah! Now I know which part you were talking about," she exclaimed. "He said, 'Get her out of here and never let me see her face again.' I think I heard that one quite clearly." As she finished speaking, a teardrop escaped from the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it away.

And it was painful to see her like that. Knowing that I was the reason behind her burden was bad enough. Before I could get up and comfort her, Jihyuk had already smiled at me. "I'll lie down beside you," she said and did so. As she lay on my left side, I stared at her. Without even looking at me, "Close your eyes," she said. "Only open them when I tell you to."

So I did. And I didn't understand how I could see more of her with my eyes closed. I could picture everything. The smooth plane of her forehead, sloping up to her nose, past her soft cheeks... "Maybe we should reconsider it," she started.

My eyes opened wide in shock. She was staring at the ceiling. "Reconsider what?"

"Close your eyes," she repeated firmly. Fearing she won't tell me if I kept my eyes open, I closed my eyes. "Everything," Jihyuk breathed out. "Maybe we should reconsider everything. Do you still have your eyes closed?"

Stubborn as I was, I opened them and looked at her. "Yes," I said.

"We should think about everything first," she continued. "I mean, your brother hates me. And I think they were right."

"Who?"

"My parents were right," Jihyuk said, her eyes shut tight. "I really am just forcing myself to you. See, you haven't even asked me to be your girlfriend and here I go telling everyone I am." And she stopped talking because she had clasped her hand over and sobbed ever so silently. If I really had kept my eyes closed, I wouldn't have known she was crying. When she had toned down her sobs, she took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice. "We should take a break, shouldn't we?"

"We shouldn't," I said.

"We should," she repeated. "We should. When you start working in a few days, you'll be glad we did."

"No."

"Yes," she persuaded. "Trust me. Within a few days, you'll meet someone more interesting." She trailed off, her voice breaking. And she resumed crying, thinking I couldn't hear nor see her. "Maybe your brother will like her," she said, her voice sounding thick. "We'll still be friends, though, right?"

When I didn't respond, she repeated, "Right?"

This time, she opened her eyes only to find me already watching her. And for whatever reason, that only made her cry more. How could I look at the woman I love and tell myself she has had enough trouble from me and it was just time to walk away? I pulled her close and let her ruin my already soaked shirt. "I'm sorry," I whispered near her ear. "I'll try to convince him to have dinner with us sometime." And I wanted to smack myself in the head for not being able to stand up to Donghwa, the root cause of trouble. Had she heard it when I said I loved her? 

But I do. I love her. My love is this big, unconditional thing, like religion. And maybe her love for me is just this tiny speck of dust, maybe even nonexistent. But for now, I guess she's mine. And I would want it to remain that way. People make only a few good decisions in life, and I'm sure this is my best yet.