Being alone means being by yourself, Jongdae is alone. He’s always alone. There’s not a moment in his day when he’s not alone. Being lonely means acknowledging the fact that you’re alone, you have no one and no matter how much you wish it wasn’t so, it is, and it hurts because there’s nothing you can do about it.

Jongdae feels lonely a lot. He came back to Korea alone because none of his Chinese friends could replace Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol. He was lonely in China, and he’s lonely in Korea, even when he’s with his two best friends he still feels lonely.

Feeling lonely feels a lot like being cold and Jongdae figures that winter has made permanent residency in his heart. He’s not a part of the Three Musketeers anymore; he’s that awkward third wheel to Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s two-wheeled bicycle.

He was left behind and now he’s lost.

On Tuesday, after that kid got hurt, Chanyeol doesn’t come to school. Baekhyun says he has food poisoning or the stomach flu but Jongdae doesn’t believe him. His friends might have stopped paying attention to him but he never stopped paying attention to them and he can spot a lie right before it even leaves Baekhyun’s lips.

The older boy has a sort of twitch when he lies; he blinks his eyes rapidly and looks all over but never in your eyes as if he’s ashamed. Jongdae doesn’t understand why Baekhyun would lie about Chanyeol, but there’s a lot he doesn’t get about Baekhyun.

Baekhyun thinks that kid, that sunbae, Zhang Yixing was hurt on purpose, and even if it makes sense to Jongdae he doesn’t understand how such a thing could happen without a person getting in trouble for what they did. Jongdae believed in justice, he believed in the best of people and he wanted to believe that the school system wasn’t as corrupted as Baekhyun made it out to be.

It’s silly, everyone goes crazy when it comes to exam scores, willing to cheat, lie and steal to be the best, and Jongdae knows that. He just can’t imagine someone’s health, someone’s life, being less important than a reputation.

Jongdae avoids lunch with Baekhyun, there’s still an awkward air with them and even if he fears Baekhyun being alone after Jinyoung’s supposed confession, he doesn’t think his sanity could bear spending the time with him.

Baekhyun and him used to be extremely close before he left to China, they both were on the same wavelength, all it took was a quick smirk from Baekhyun and they would be plotting their next prank, Chanyeol tended to be their target most times.

Jongdae spends his lunch in the music room, he likes the music room of Gidae high school, it’s unlike any other classroom. The room is large and carpeted, with elevated steps that tend to hold music stands. Jongdae sits at the top, legs crossed under him as he eats his lunch.

The door of the classroom opens and Jongdae watches as Do Kyungsoo peeks inside. “Do Kyungsoo,” he greets with a smile and a lazy wave. Kyungsoo grins brightly at him and enters, settling on a chair near the corner of the room.

“Kim Jongdae,” Kyungsoo greets back. “What’s got you here today?”

Jongdae shrugs his shoulders and tries not to grimace. “I didn’t want to deal with people today. You’re the exception I guess.”

“I can leave if you want,” Kyungsoo jokes. “Chanyeol isn’t here though. Is he okay?”

“He’ll live I guess,” Jongdae shrugs. “I’m just as clueless as you.”

“And Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo asks.

“What would Byun Baekhyun of all people look like not knowing where his best friend was at the moment?”

“So you’re jealous,” Kyungsoo asks. “Baekhyun knows where Chanyeol is and you don’t.”

“Pretty much,” Jongdae states, “it’s pathetic isn’t it? I’m jealous of my two best friends.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Kyungsoo tells him. “You’re far from pathetic because you can admit to being jealous. If you feel left out than it’s only expected you’d feel like this.”

“So you see it too,” Jongdae asks.

“No,” Kyungsoo states, shaking his head, “I don’t know what’s going on between you three. Chanyeol’s in my class and you’re in my choir group, and everyone knows Byun Baekhyun.”

“I hate this,” Jongdae mutters, he’d wished that Kyungsoo hadn’t hear