Kyungsoo: I'm Not Afraid
The Butterfly EffectKyungsoo gets asked a lot of questions by the doctor, most of which he can’t really answer without stumbling over his words. Eventually he is asked if he knew Zhang Yixing personally.
No, Kyungsoo didn’t know Zhang Yixing personally, and no it wasn’t out of fear. Bullying, bullying didn’t just stop at abuse, it was a whole community aspect to it. You had your abusers that would target a kid, and then you had the whole school not helping. The teachers, the people that you spent more time with than your own parents, would tell you to deal with it yourself. They only had a reaction when things got too out of hand and parents became involved.
The students, the ones that aren’t being bullied are scared possibly even more scared then the kid being targeted. For some reason if someone even so much as lets the bullied kid borrow a pencil then they’re at risk of becoming bullied as well, or at worse taking the kid’s place.
Even the school’s afraid now, that’s why they’re saying it’s suicide even though the kids say otherwise, and they’re letting some strange unrelated woman come in to talk to the students about it. They know that no one, not the students, not the parents, and probably not even the government trust what they say about events like these. That’s why they’re willing, no; everyone’s willing to sacrifice one kid to save themselves.
Kyungsoo’s not like them though, he’s not afraid; he doesn’t care about titles like bully or victim or anything the rumors say. He didn’t know Zhang Yixing personally, not because he saw the older male as an outcast, Zhang Yixing was as much of an outcast as he was. He didn’t know the boy because he was a year older than Kyungsoo, he was a junior, and in a school with over a thousand students, the quiet ones tended to blend into the background.
Honestly he wishes that he could visit the older male, not to ease his guilty conscience or anything, he’s not guilty of anything after all. He just wishes that he could visit the older male and tell him, good luck, that there was someone besides family rooting for his recovery, rooting for him to come back and do away with the bullies and teachers.
Zhang Yixing appears to be the only person that knows what happened in the bathroom, and Kyungsoo wishes that he could tell him that he supports him if he decides to tell the truth about it, but no one knows where he’s at.
The incident with Yixing, and talking with Dr. Hwang makes Kyungsoo feel as if he’s outside himself. He picks up Soojin after school like he always does and lets her ramble on about her day, chiming in at the appropriate moments.
He’s kind of overwhelmed with everything and talking to Dr. Hwang wasn’t as helpful as he’d hoped. She asked a lot of invasive questions, some about Yixing and the incident, the rest strictly about him.
Kyungsoo had never talked so much about himself, and doing so in such a short span of time with someone he hardly knew left him feeling anxious and wary of returning, but Dr. Hwang had already planned
Comments