“He’s not coming” Kibum said over the phone, his voice sounding sad and a little pitying.

“Did he- did Jonghyun say so himself?” I asked as the hope in my voice caught me off guard.   There was a pause on the other side of the line and I braced myself for the words.

“All I know is that he went straight to his sister’s place when he found out about you letting Hansae go and I haven’t heard from him since. I think he just needed sometime away but Taemin, Minho and I are already in the car with your uncle, on our way.” Kibum added as he let his thoughts hang in the air.  So I simply thanked him and asked him to give me an update when he got anything.

I knew full well what Kibum wanted to say.
If Jonghyun wanted to be at the wedding, he would have left with me as was planned. Instead he wasn’t picking up my calls or replying to my texts and so I had given up and left without him. It was a 6 hour journey to the place my father was getting married at. I had left the previous day and had spent the night in a hotel room my mother had originally booked for me and Jong to sleep in. But I was here alone.

My friends were hitching a ride with Taemin and his dad who wasn’t coming for the wedding ceremony but just the reception since my mother could only convince him to this much. I was surprised he agreed at all actually.

However this also meant I was going to be alone during the ceremony and I wasn’t sure how well I could hold up.

I turned around and looked at my mom; she and I were in her hotel room. She was seated at the vanity, busy getting herself ready while perfecting her makeup. “Jonghyun won’t be coming” I said to my mother in spite of knowing full well that she was listening in on my conversation with KIbum.
She put down the makeup and came to me, embracing me in a hug while I forced the tears not to spill on her immaculate gown.

“Oh! Sweetheart” she said with heart break in her voice which only made me cling to her more. My mother often hugged me when I was a child. Back when my small body fit right into her arms, but now I was taller and bigger than her and even though her embrace was comforting, I didn’t quite fit perfectly into her arms anymore the way I did in Jonghyuns.
Mom slowly let go of me while keeping both her hands steady on either side of my face. “Jonghyun is a lovely boy, darling. He loves you very much and I’m sure you two can work this one out” she said as she slowly rubbed her thumb over my cheek with gentle care. She smiled then, a soft playful smile. “Maybe he’s on his way here now and the reason he isn’t picking your call is because he doesn’t know what to say to you yet” she said and I chuckled at her positive thinking. “Maybe, you should stop with the romance novels mom” I said with a light heart as I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

After I left the hotel room I walked to the wedding location, a huge open space garden under the open sky not far from the hotel. I felt out of place among the joyous setting and beautiful venue, not because I wasn’t dressed the part in my fancy expensive white suit, but because my feelings of happiness were forced. I wasn’t looking to ruin my dad’s perfect day because of my problems but the thought of everything changing after today was hitting me all at once. It was a strange sensation because I had become so accommodating to change in my past. A new house, a new school and new faces every few years, and yet this felt so final. The few things that were constant wouldn’t be the same anymore.

As I pondered these heavy thoughts I caught sight of my Father standing near the altar. He was talking to his grooms’ men, all smiling and laughing while heavy in animated discussion. My father immediately noticed my presence as he broke from the group and started towards me, a huge smile on his face. He still looked like the man I saw growing up, long messy hair in a pony tail and a beard that was still there but just trimmed a bit. He looked well groomed, more collected than his usual self and also ridiculously and genuinely happy.

Something pulled at my heart when I saw his expression of true bliss. It was the expression that said ‘I’m the luckiest man in the world today’ and I found myself smiling automatically at that. The deep and dark feelings inside didn’t magically change to bright happy thoughts, but I did understand something. I owed this day to my dad and to my parents actually. They gave up life as they knew it 18 years ago for me. It was sudden and unexpected change, a lot of sacrifice and hard ship but they did it so that I could be in this world. So now it was time for me to accept this change, even if I didn’t want it to happen.

“How’s my best man?” my dad asked, his grin so wide he looked like a cartoon character. I didn’t answer but just smiled and gave him a small hug. To my surprise he held on tighter than I expected. “I’m so glad you came here for me son, I know it must be hard on you. You’ve grown into such a strong and good young man. Your mother and I love you very much, just please always remember that” he said in a bit of a chocked voice as he finally let go of the embrace. I watched his face, red with embarrassment as he stood in front of me. My father was never one for loving gestures or words but I knew today he felt it was something important he needed to express.

I gave him a slight nod of acknowledgement as he playfully ruffled my hair and went back to smiling. “Got the rings?” he asked and it was my chance to smile. “I do, but I can say the dog ate it if you’re having second thoughts about the marriage” I said with a raised eyebrow. My dad burst out laughing and patted my shoulder while shaking his head and that was that.

There was still 15 minutes till I needed to be in place for the wedding. After the talk with my dad I spoke to his grooms’ men and a few of the guests that were early. Later my mom joined in and after complimenting her enough on how good she looked, she finally let me go. In the spare time I decided to walk around the venue and be alone before all the guests were in.

As I walked around aimlessly I felt my phone come to life in my pocket. I quickly got it ou