The look my uncle gave me ran in my mind and the tears seemed to roll down my cheeks effortlessly, seconds later, I was sobbing hard.

It was a look I was familiar with. The look of being unworthy, or being a waste, a look of disgust and a look that just made me feel unwelcomed. I had grown used to that look but that coupled with the guilt for Taemin’s wounds and the events of today had made my will to stay strong, shatter to pieces.

It had been a while since my last mental breakdown, almost an entire three months actually. It was so stupid, crying like this and yet it always made me feel better at the end of it. Those overpowering emotions would be subdued, for some time at least.

I covered my eyes to hide my tears, or some of my dignity maybe. But my breathing was forced and I was gasping for air like a stupid fish out of water, how pathetic.

Not hearing a sound, I was convinced Jonghyun had long since left and so I uncovered my eyes to go wash my face. But he was there, standing just a few inches away from me. He looked as awkward as the situation had become, his face showing uncertainty. Just one step and that’s all that separated us, question was, who would take it?

"Jinki" he said in a voice that sounded like he was panicked and trying to calm me all at the same time. I nodded because, well, that’s the best I could do. 

He stretched out his hands, reducing the space between us even further and spoke with such care, I felt undeserving of it. "Let me hold you?" he said or rather asked since he still seemed to be weighing the statement. And I just tried, with all of my strength to stop the tears, to get a proper look at his face, but it was impossible. So I stepped forward, meeting him half way, closing the seemingly endless gap between us and hid my face in his chest as two, strong and perfectly muscled arms wrapped around me, holding me tight and safe.

I continued to sob there, in his arms and probably destroying his second sweater in a row. But he said nothing, he didn’t ask me to stop crying but just made soothing sounds and my hair, making me feel like the centre of the universe, his universe.

Some part of me remembered the fact that he had been comforting me not long ago as well, and yet here we were again. I hadn’t let anyone comfort me before because I didn’t want to seem weak and incapable. I just wasn’t that boy anymore. But there was something about Jonghyun, something that made me forget everything else and made me only remember his presence.

Moving my head to rest it between his head and shoulder, I started to speak. My voice sounded hoarse as I began but ignored it and continued anyway. "I'm broken" I whispered, even if we were the only two people in the entire house. I could feel Jonghyuns protest coming, maybe because he felt sorry for me, or because he was my friend or maybe just because he had trapped himself in this situation and felt he had to. But I didn’t let him.

"I don't know…I'm so sick of these words" I said as I sobbed. My voice not having the clarity I wished it would have. "But it's the only answer I know to give" I confessed. Digging my face into his shoulders, I took in his sent and a breath to steady myself.

"Where's your