Now there are two ways of dealing with a some-what-first-kiss with the person you had just fallen for. One is to just nonchalantly act indifferent and the other is to enter into a total state of panic. I however, found a third way.

I just sat there on the grass and didn’t move an inch, still as a statue.

The sound of my erratic heartbeat pulsing through my veins caused a loud drumming noise in my ears. The sound was too loud for me to catch any outside conversation being made. My cheeks were surely a crimson red as I blushed furiously at what had just happened. Slowly I placed a shaking hand over my chest to calm my racing heart, to little avail.

Then it occurred to me that this was probably nothing but an awkward event to Jonghyun, who was probably even feeling a little disgusted by it. Yet, I didn’t have the courage to turn and look back to see for myself.

Desperately I tried to live in my little happy bubble, trying to taste his lips on mine. But it was no longer there and my bubble had popped. My mind had seen a brief vision, Jonghyuns lips gently on mine as he held me close in his loving embrace. But that was just fantasy and this was reality.

I was contemplating on the best moment to turn around and apologize to Jonghyun for this accident, which had actually been the highlight of my year. But then a tall figure was looming over me, casting his shadow on me. My complete brain dead state had made Minho’s presence go unnoticed. He bent down and shook my shoulders lightly.

“Hyung, I went to search for Tae in his class but they said he was left home early. What’s going on?” he asked with that typical Minho concerned voice. There for a moment I forgot everything and started to explain.

“..so Taemin left with his Dad.” I concluded finally, leaving out the bits that had happened between just my uncle and me.

“Taemin’s father was here?” I heard his voice ask and without thinking I turned. Jonghyun was standing up now and looking down at me as I still lay where I was, on the grass. He took Minho’s earlier position and was in front of me now, bending until we were at eye level. I gulped and nodded as way of reply. I quickly noticed that Jonghyun was searching my face for some kind of unspoken feeling. He knew my uncle wasn’t fond of me, and of course he knew that since I was the one who told him.

“Did he say anything when he was here?” Jonghyun asked, indicating that the kiss was still only looming over my mind. Jonghyun probably didn’t even think about it.

“Nothing” I said too quickly, but there was anger in my voice that even I wasn’t aware of. This was a clear hint to Jonghyun that I didn’t want to talk about it. My heart ached a little as I felt stupid for letting my hopes sore to the sky.  He didn’t care, that kiss didn’t mean anything to him. Hell, maybe he didn’t even notice that our lips touched.

That night I didn’t sleep at all.

First I lay there in bed, tossing and turning as the thoughts haunted my mind. ‘Maybe I should have told him…maybe I should have let it go..was he upset with my behavior?..’ and so on the questions passed my mind, on and on it played and replayed. Finally I passed out from exhaustion and woke up to the next morning.

When morning came I was glad it was a holiday and I promised I would treat myself to a break. A break from Jonghyun running through my mind 24/7. It also helped that I could avoid him for another day.

Free-from-Jonghyun-day consisted of wearing my favorite pair of pajamas, coconut tree p