I'm starving; my stomach is already screaming, telling me, that they need food, but I can't even lift my from this leather chair because of these piles of papers on my desk, that I have to skim one by one. I'm stuck at this office for god-who-knows, and I really want to get out here as soon as possible, but from this situation - I can't. I can't leave these bunch of work here on my desk. 

Sigh.

While, I was busy signing the papers, and scribbling some notes, I suddenly heard a knock and it freaked the hell out of me. I sighed, before leaving my attention at the papers I'm holding.

"The door is open! Come in!" I stated. I glanced up for a few seconds, then set my eyes again on the papers. Then, I heard the door flew open and closed at the same time.

I notice that my 'visitor' is not speaking, so I decided to look up and frowned when I see her again.

"You again?!" It came out in a harsh way, and still the same - she's standing there, with her head hanged  low; both hands were fiddling with the strap of her sling bag, that was hanged over her shoulder.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed."Okay, I'm really busy right now and I'm not in the mood. So please, what do you want?" She didn't gave any response, but instead she was fidgeting. I sighed, once again. She's really getting on my nerves.

Flicking my tongue, I ran my hand through my hair in frustration."You know what? If you are not speaking, you can leave. Can't you see that I'm busy?! You are just wasting my time, geez."

I'm not really a cold person, but this girl is making me one! It irritates me. When will she stop? 

"I-I .." I heard her stutter. I looked up at her, eyebrows knit in irritation."I just want to say goodbye .. A-and t-tomorrow--"

"Tomorrow?" I scoffed."Please don't say that. You are always like this. Everyday you will bring me packed lunch, and after that, you will wait outside my office, and then you will follow me all the way at the parking lot, until I hopped into my car. Seriously, how long are you going to be like this?"

I can't see her reaction, because her head is stoop low. I took a deep breath, before I continue."Actually, I'm hoping that someday, you will stop these foolishness, because it irritates me. Don't you get what I'm saying to you? Over these past 7 months? Don't you get tired of it? Being rejected all the time? Are you really still hoping, that you will might have a chance from me?"

Still, she didn't give any response, and I don't know how many times I sighed. I slide my hand, over my face in frustration, setting my eyes on her. I'm actually getting tired of this.

"I really wanted to be honest with you, and I think this is the best time, telling this to you." She looked at me for a few seconds, then look at the ground again. I took a deep breath, before I spoke.

"Honestly these things ... Your doings .. Its .. Its pathetic." I saw her stiffened, of what I've said."I already told you many times, that you stop this, because you will get nothing from me,  but instead you keep on coming here for the past 7 months. Why can't you listen?"

"Okay, this is the last time I will say this to you. Stop this already, because like what I've said, its pissing me off, and I can't return your feelings. And there will be no chance, that I will like you, okay? Never."

I know, I'm being too harsh on her, but this has to be stopped. I'm tired of it already.

There's a brief silence between us, until I heard some sniffing sounds. I slowly rolled my eyes towards her direction; her head is still hanged low, her blonde hair is covering her face.

Is she crying? I proved that, as I saw some wet patch on the carpeted floor. I gulped. Oh, gosh, I just made a girl cry.

"I-I'm sorry, A-Amber-ssi .. I-I'm really sorry .. This is .. This is all my fault, that's why you're mad at me. I-I'm sorry .. I'm really sorry .." With that, I watch her wiping her cheeks with her hand, bowing at me, before running outside of my office.

Staring at the door, I realized, that she left. I leaned back on my seat, shutting my eyes closed before lifting out a frustrated groan.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Ever since, I ran out from her office and left the building, my tears didn't stop from flowing through my cheeks, as if my eyes were not yet tired from crying. 

Up until now, sitting here at the backseat inside the taxi; my tears were kept on falling, and I still can't get rid in my mind what she said earlier.The words she threw at me were like a hard slap on my face.

These past 7 months, I was being so stupid because of love and now - look what happened to me .. 
 

Hurting.

Why do I have to feel the pain like this, over and over again? 

Since I was a kid and my parents died; I already received all kinds of pain from the people around me. I even thought before, that I am an ill-fated child and I don't have the right to live in this world because, all I did is to give them bad luck. 

When I ran away from my Auntie's house, and started to quit 'that' job, it kind of lessened a bit, but I think I will feel it again. I really wanted to feel someone's care and love because honestly, I never felt it before.

These past 7 months - I am deaf, when every time she started saying some cold words to me; I am blind, when every time I see her not eating the packed lunch that I made or ignoring me when she walks out from her office; I am numb every time she's harsh on me or she's pushing me away.

I am like these for 7 months, just for me not to feel the pain, but it seems right now, those tactics were all flew away.

Sunny my only friend, I remembered what she said before, when I was still coming to her office.


 

"Sooyeon-ah, you should stop these things to her. Everyday you will end up hurting because of that jerk! She's blind, because she can't appreciate the things you are doing to her. It'll be her loss in the end. There are bunch of hot guys out there who are courting you. You can just pick one from them!"
'






 

Did you know, what is my only answer about Sunny's statement?






 

"I love her so much, I just can't do that."
 

I still remember what was her reaction in that moment - she just stared at me in disbelief, as if I was some kind of a rare specie.

That time, I didn't care if Amber was ignoring me; if she's rude towards me - I just wanted to see her everyday; she makes me smile; she makes my day complete; she makes my heart flutter. That is her effect on me.

I can't believe that for 7 months, I handled her harsh attitude. Maybe because, my feelings for her is really strong, that's why I kept on pushing myself to her; even though that she hates me. In the end, I am always hurting, but I still love her.








 

Then, the car suddenly stopped. I didn't notice it,maybe because I was consumed in my own thoughts."Sorry to disturb you, ma'am, but I think we are here." I heard the driver say, he was looking at me through the rear view mirror. I glanced out, and we're already here at my house. In my situation, I don't think I can go to work.

Wiping the tears  away with the back of my hand, I used my other free hand to my bag. I rummaged my bag, looking for my wallet, and once I found it, I took it out."Here, thank you, sir." I said, handling the paper bill to him

When he received it, I immediately stepped out from the car, slamming the door shut before walking towards my studio type apartment. Once inside, I slid down against the door, hugging my knees over my chest, before lifting out a sob.

I am really stupid. Why am I even crying like this? As if, we were together? But, it hurts. Just by thinking of it again; I feel like someone just shot me straight through the heart. Why did I love someone else this much? All I wanted to happen is for her to notice me - just a little bit. But, it didn't happen ... Even once.

It seems,that fate is telling me to stop. Is this the right time for me to forget her? My feelings for her? I just can't do it anymore. All I know that, its enough. My heart can't endure the pain anymore.













 

<><><><><><><><><>

"Uhm, Architect Liu? Are you listening?" I was brought back to reality when I heard my secretary's voice.

"H-huh?? Oh! Yeah, uhm ... Yes, I will send this plates to the director, after I study it."

"Okay, then. I will go now." I nodded, and then she left my office. I breathed out, leaning my back against the leather chair.

Why am I even thinking of her? Its her fault, that's why I acted 'that' way to her. I closed my eyes, letting my mind to relax for a moment. After what happened last night, it seems that her face was already engraved in my head. 

Every time I will close my eyes, all of a sudden, her face will popped out, and that is the reason, that's why I didn't have enough sleep last night.

"Aarrghh!! Please get out of my mind!!" I shouted out loud, as I grabbed a fistful of my hair.

"Woah! What the hell, Amber? Are you gone crazy??" I looked up and saw Key holding a medium sized paper and a folder.

I cleared my throat, fixing my blazer before sitting-up straight."Uhm, nothing. I was just practicing, don't mind me. So what's up? What brings you here?"

He just started to give me some weird looks and I rolled my eyes on that."Amber you are weird." He said, still having 'that' look.

"Whatever, you didn't answer me. What brings you here?" I questioned.

"Oh! Sign these," He handed me the folder that was slipped between his right armpit."I need that ASAP, after you sign it." I just nod while, scanning the papers in this folder.

"Oh, and before I forget .. Jessica-ssi told me to give you this."

My ears perked up when he mentioned her name. I quickly shot my head up, and eyed the paper bag he was putting on my desk. So, she didn't come?

"I bump onto her while walking here and she was kind of ... Hmm .. Sad?? ... And .. Teary-eyed, when she handed me this."

While listening to him, I was just staring at the paper bag in-front of me. The scenes last night replayed in my head once again. I guess, she finally stopped.

"It looks like it's food .." Key is right. I can smell the intoxicating aroma of the food inside the bag.

"Hey, you're not gonna eat it, are you? Then, can I have this?" I stared at him, and he was  showing me his puppy eyes. Eeeckk! So, disgusting!

"Can you please stop it? It is so disgusting! And the answer is no." 

"No? Huh? I thought you will never---"

"Yes, I said that. Don't you know what past tense is? And besides, she gave it only to me. ONLY." I said, emphasizing the last word.

"Waah .." He was clapping in sarcasm, as he shook his head left and right."After for so many years .. Congratulations .. Finally .. You will now eat it! Wow! That's a surprise, Amber! REALLY surprise!!"

I rolled my eyes, folding my arms over my chest as I gave him a glare. Good thing, he noticed it and he stopped."Hehe! I was just joking y'know! Hehe! Hey, I think I have to leave now. Don't forget the papers, okay? Bye!" And with that, he sprinted out from office, not leaving to close the door behind.

Once he left, I brought my eyes on the paper bag that was neatly placed on my desk. I sighed, before picking it up and placing it on my lap. As I open it, I notice that there's a small white envelop on top. Because of my curiosity, I took it inside, staring it for a few seconds as I scan it back and forth. Satisfied, I open it and took the folded paper inside. Unfolding it, this letter is from Jessica, but I noticed that, there are some small stains, which is all dried up. I assume, its a wet patch. Good thing, I was still able to read it.





 

To Amber:
 

Hi, Amber! How is your day? You must be busy right now. Please don't forget about your health, being sick is hard, right? Hehe. Oh, you must be hungry, and I know you don't like me doing this to you, but I made lunch for you and if ever you didn't have your breakfast, I also added some few dishes for you. Uhm, but if you don't feel like eating it, or you don't want to eat it .. Its okay. You can just threw it away. I won't force you. I don't mind. I understand.  ^_^

Uhm, don't worry Amber .. This will be the last time I will do this to you. I know that, you are irritated to me, so I decided to stop this. Don't worry, you will not see me again. You will not see me waiting outside your office or following you all the way through the parking lot. I'm sorry, Amber for doing these to you. I'm really sorry.

The reason why, I wrote this letter, because I want to apologize to all the things I did to you. Its my fault, that's why you are acting like that to me. I always make your day worse. Its all because of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, if I just decided to stop right now.

But, I'm not going to say sorry, that I met an amazing person like you. I'm not sorry, that I fell for you. I didn't have any regrets for the past 7 months, Amber. You are my first love, Amber and it will not change. I am always thanking God, that I met you. You changed me - everything of me; you made me a better person. I think this will be the only chance  I will say this to you .. I love you, Amber. Even though, you don't want me or you hate me - I still love you.

Amber, thank you for giving me this opportunity to be near you for the past 7 months. Even just a glance from you is enough for me. Thank you for letting me to show my feelings for you, and lastly; thank you, because you taught me how to love. Amber, please take care of yourself and I wish you a happy life. I hope you will find a perfect girl for you. Thank you, Amber. I'm sorry; I love you and goodbye.


 

From: Jessica







 

I'm speechless; I don't know what to say. After what I told her last night, she's not mad at me? Gosh, what have I done? I'm actually not this kind of person, before I met Jessica. Its just that .. Sigh.

After reading the letter, I placed it on the table, then took out the food containers one by one from the paper bag. Placing it on my desk, I started to lift off the lid containers.

Wow.
 

When did the she made all of these?

Now that, my mouth is already watering because of the view, I took the kimbap and immediately popped inside my mouth. Surprisingly, its delicious. This is actually the first time, that I tasted her packed lunch. Before I will just give it to my officemates, and its up to them if they will eat it or not. I just ... Don't care.

Why is it that, I only have this chance to taste this now? Why did I realize it just now?

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A/N: Sigh .. Poor Jessica. 

P.S

You know, even though that f(x) didn't win on music bank and inkigayo .. I still love our 5 girls .. I'm still proud of them. f(x) HWAIITING!!! 

And feed me some comments guys!!  ^_^>