I’m a coward, always a coward . I don’t have enough brave like Seungri to let all the past go. Seungri tries hard to love, if he hurts again, he won’t mind it at all. He really take all his heart to Kwon Ji Yong. I admire my brother so much, because I can’t do that. I don’t have confident, I don’t have brave, I don’t have anything to believe again. Even if Choi Seunghyun really loves me this time, even if he wants to be with me, tell me, how long ? How long will his love last ? One month, one year ore more, till when he feels tired with me again ??? And he will turn his back to me and walk away, or I will hear from his mouth : “ You’re just my game, my toy, my bet !!!” Again ?? Everytime I close my eyes, that day just returns to me. I can’t forget…Why I can’t forget….

Choi Seunghyun, tell me, who you are to me…who you…

And I had a decision. I’ll get married. With a girl who is my colleague. She’s a good girl, really good girl. And more important, she doesn’t love me. She needs someone to marry for the sake of her family, and I…I want a way to escape from Choi Seunghyun. We don’t love each other, we only want each other to do something. A marriage like that…Yes, it’s a failure. But, to me, a damn coward, it’s the way for me. I can’t love her, but I can treat her well. One day, if she finds the one for her, I will let her go. And when it happens, maybe Seunghyun also has his own family…And I, I will go my way alone, without anyone to hold me back…without anyone who says that he loves me then leave me….without heart that once beats for the bleeding love… That’s my life ! That’s my way ! But…why do I feel like I’m crying ? Why do I feel like my tears is dropping silently over and over again…in lonely nights….

Choi Seunghyun, Choi Seunghyun…where you…where you…

I met him when I and my fiancee went to prepare for our wedding. He looked at me and looked at her. In his eyes, something were broken. I didn’t dare to think what is…I smiled to him and introduced her to him. I introduced him to her, he’s my old friend, a normal old friend whom I haven’t met for a long time… He listened my words, hands clenched tight into fists, if he punched me here, I would think that it was a normal thing. After all, it was so cruel, to him, to her…and even to myself. I even thought, it was better that way, he was angry and hated me. But, Choi Seunghyun just looked back at me and smiled. A gentle smile of him… He went near to me, and held my hand. His hand was full of sweats, and it was shaky, Seunghyun was tremulous ?? My heart suddenly felt hurt, hurt so much… He told me that he felt happy for me and congratulated me. I din’t hear so clear, I didn’t feel anthing, till when he let go of my hand, till when he turned his back and walked away, till when my fiancee pulled my hand and asked me what wrong. I didn’t know what happened. My mind went blank. My heart was empty. My soul was flied away. Thing still left, only my body, only life of a puppet. From beg