Lu Han casted another awkward glance to his surroundings, aware that he didn’t exactly fitted in. They were in the fine restaurant that Xiao Shan had booked earlier and even before they place their orders, he knew it’s a terrible idea.

First of all, he wasn’t dressed to his nines and most people in the place were giving him dirty looks as if he had insulted them with his mere presence. The manager had very carefully claimed that it was alright but Lu Han knew it was because the former was afraid to offend the sole heir to Lite Tech.

And secondly, Xiao Shan had so serenely announced that she would be buying him dinner when the waiter handed them menus. That made him looked like a lecher and a terrible dressed one as well. He is never dining at this place again!

“You looked worried,” Xiao Shan said as she sipped a glass of red wine slowly.

“It’s nothing,” he assured her quickly. He grabbed his glass as well and downed its content in one shot. The hot liquid trailed a warm passage down his throat into his stomach. Once he was satisfied with the fuzzy sensation it gave him, he asked again, “So what is it that you want to talk to me about?”

He clearly doesn’t give up. So Xiao Shan put down her glass and answered, “I’ve talked to my parents. They have agreed to cancel our marriage.” Lu Han’s face lit up. “And you can marry Ann.”

Xiao Shan didn’t believe in Santa Claus but if she did, Lu Han’s child-like features must have resembled the kids that saw Santa on Christmas Night. And that made her the Father Christmas.

“How did you do that? My parents wouldn’t even listen to me,” Lu Han asked quickly. He watched as a waiter walked over to refill both their glasses with the vintage wine. And once the man was out of earshot, he burst out more, “Thank you so much, Xiao Shan!”

She picked up her glass again and drank from it. “It’s nothing. I just convinced my parents that you should marry Ann instead, that’s all.” She turned to look at the decent crowd dining at the restaurant. “They will be announcing it soon.”

“Thank you so much, you don’t know how much this means to me. How can I ever repay you, Xiao Shan?”

His statement drew her attention back to him. She watched him carefully, the uncontained excitement bright on his face. As he heaved a sigh of relief, his shoulders relaxed back onto the chair he was sitting on, she allowed a small smile tugged her lips.

“Promise me that whatever happens, you’ll stay true to Ann. And that I have a small space in your heart, that you’ll never forget me.”

Lu Han leaned forward in his seat and out of instinct he grabbed the hand that was on the table. He didn’t know why he did that but just like how she had done for him on the Ferris wheel earlier today, he should assure her. Her hand felt small in his and it was warm.

“You will always be in my heart, Xiao Shan. You’re like the sister I never had and I’ll never forget that. How could I forget the person who cares so much for me?” he said sincerely.

She nodded, satisfied. Then, she pulled her hand free and grabbed the glass again. “Then let’s toast; to our futures, yours and Ann’s.”

A light laugh escaped his lips and later hers. They toasted.

Xiao Shan poured another bottle of wine into both their glasses while Lu Han rambled on and on about him and Ann. That was already their third bottle and she was pretty sure he’s quite drunk. His red face was a giveaway but the obvious was when he launched into a long talk about his plans for the wedding.

He’s just like a girl, Xiao Shan mused to herself, watching him with amusement. The news made him very happy and it was a cause for celebration. Even when she knew it’s time to stop, she couldn’t quite bring herself to.

“Ann said she has always like June. They said June bride is the happiest and prettiest,” Lu Han said more. He drank another glass. “I think I’m drunk.” And he laughed.

She envied him because unlike the lucky guy in front of her, she has never gotten drunk in her entire life. And she has her share of drinking, since she was fourteen.

They said, alcohol takes away your pain, numbs your senses, helps you get better. Xiao Shan would like to believe that too because that’s exactly how her mother drowns herself day after day. She watched her mother drank herself to death just to escape reality and how her mother always seemed much more sober when she’s drunk.

So she raided the liquor cabinet, a secret she never told anyone. And with each bottle that she took, like her mother, she became sober. Her pain never really goes away, it just got harder. Her dad was still cheating on her mom, her mom still hates everything and no one seemed to really care whether she is the best student or not.

And when her mother died, everything stopped. No more alcohol, no more running away from reality. But her body had built a tolerance.

“If I tell you this now, will you remember tomorrow?” she finally asked her voice barely audible.

But he heard her all the same. “I probably won’t.”

“You’re so unfair, Lu Han,” Xiao Shan said slowly. “I love you just as much as Ann, probably more, but you chose her.”

Lu Han nodded his head dumbly, grinning. Tears rolled down her eyes.

“If you are going to love her, why are you being so nice to me? If you love her, you should stop making me fall for you more.” She turned away, afraid that if she looked longer at him, her heart would break, that she would die for real.

“How can you not know that I exist as more than a friend, a sister to you? If you marry me, I could be anything you wanted me to. I would do anything for you; that’s how much you are to me.”

She drew in a deep breath to calm herself and to stop her trembling. If she said more, she would end up slapping him. How could love made her like this?

She wanted to be selfish but couldn’t because he wasn’t a selfish man. She wanted to be with him but couldn’t because he wanted someone else. She wanted to hate him but couldn’t because he was the one person she has given her heart to.

She turned her head to look at him again. Smiling stupidly because he was already drifting into unconsciousness, she finally said, “But I am living because of you, Lu Han.  And now, I will go to death for you. It’s time I stop crying for you."

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I've just realized that I haven't been updating for almost two weeks now. Feel so bad... m-.-m (I'm sorry, my readers~) I've been busy since the beginning of new year, pretty sure everyone else is too. ^^ 

Thanks to everyone who's been reading, subscribing and leaving me comments. I love you all!!!! XD

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