Xiao Shan came down for breakfast the earliest that day. Even while the maids were preparing the usual weekends breakfast, she was already seated at her spot, drinking black coffee and browsing through the morning paper absent-mindedly. She couldn’t sleep at all after returning from the bar and the result from that was evident on her face. Two large bags hung under her eyes, lined with dark circles.

“Good morning, honey,” Mrs. Lee greeted quietly when she came down the stairs and spotted her step-daughter at the dining table. Like Xiao Shan, she couldn’t catch on her beauty sleep as well.

Next, Mr. Lee came down. Contrary to the two ladies, he looked well rested. But choosing not to comment on the fatigue on their faces, he drank his coffee mutely and asked for the news section of the paper. They all ate in total silence.

“Is Ann not awake?” Mrs. Lee burst the bubble first, looking at one of the maids. The maid shook her head wordlessly. Obviously news travelled fast within the household.

Xiao Shan placed her mug down, scrutinizing her parents. “Ann is not going to come down even if she’s awake.” She was surprised that her parents even asked. Couldn’t they see that Ann was too upset to want to see anyone?

“I don’t think she’s ever going to come down,” she added. “You two just told her that she can never be with the love of her life.” The hint of sarcasm on her voice was unmistakable.

“Xiao Shan!” her father cried out almost immediately. But she was not afraid of him raising his voice at her.

“Please… I’m begging you, father. This marriage is a big mistake.”

He ran his hand through his greying hair in frustration. Waving all the maids to leave the room, he said, “You know it’s not up to me. The board of directors…”

“Then you are asking me to die!” she burst out impatiently.

“Xiao Shan!” This time, it was her mother. Grabbing her shoulders, she demanded heatedly, “What are you saying? Don’t you ever, ever say ‘die’ so easily.”

Xiao Shan swiped her stepmom’s hands away from her. Glaring at her, she spat out, “Don’t you know why I say such things? You know damn well how my mother died.” Turning to shoot her father a glare as well, she continued, “You both know why my mother died! You drove her to her suicide!”

“That’s enough, Xiao Shan!” her father shouted, his voice now held the dangerous tone that meant business but she rattled on.

Pushing all the dining wares from the table, she watched with satisfaction as they crashed with loud, dramatic clang onto the marble floor and broke into pieces.

“It’s because the board of directors think my mother is a better choice for you! You were in love with this woman and yet you married my mother anyway!” She pointed an accusing finger at Mrs. Lee, who was already on the brink of breaking down.

“This woman, the one you so blatantly had an affair with drove my mother to madness. This woman, whom you had a daughter with while your wife drank herself to depression, is the reason why I don’t have a mother now! Both of you killed my mother!”

Mrs. Lee shook her head furiously, hands covering her ears. “Stop it, Xiao Shan, please, I beg you. Don’t do this!”

“Don’t do this?!” Xiao Shan laughed maniacally. “You two killed my mother, made me the way I am now, and you tell me to stop?” She stopped. The hot burning tears were clogging up .

“It’s not enough I’m a puppet being played as you wish, you want me to be like my mother. You want me to marry the man who loves another woman.” Her knees buckled, chest heaving desperately for breath, she dropped onto the floor. As if kneeling in front of her parents, she cried her last attempt.

“No… I’m begging you, don’t do this to me.” She looked up, plea in her eyes. “Don’t send me to die…”

It was too much for Mrs. Lee; the sight of the girl kneeling in front of her and the words that she had thrown at her. Dropping to her knees as well, she pulled the girl into her arms, finally able to cry her heart out.

“I’m sorry, Xiao Shan. I really am. If only…”

She should have known, and Mrs. Lee has herself to blame. How often has she seen her step-daughter off to see a therapist? And how often has she watched this fragile girl shut herself out from the world? Everything she has done till now was a reflection of the hurt and scars she’s carrying inside. And yet Mrs. Lee convinced herself that Xiao Shan is a strong girl.

“If you’re sorry then stop this madness,” Xiao Shan whispered out achingly. Casting a glance at her father, her tears now clouded her vision, she added in another plea, “Just take it as the only wish I ever ask from you, father.”

“Lu Han is not like me, Xiao Shan,” her father attempted a weak argument. “I was weak but he is not.”

“We don’t know that,” she rejected. Pushing her mother free, she looked at her, “You are sacrificing your daughter’s happiness. You are going to destroy the three of us.”

Mrs. Lee sobbed louder, shaking her head. Xiao Shan tried again, “Please… if you ever treated me as your daughter as well.”

“Xiao Shan, we want to but it isn’t just up to us…”

Xiao Shan has the answer ready. She has made up her mind, the only solution to all her problems, she could do that. Turning to look up to her dad again, she uttered out, “Then, tell them I am dead.”

“I am not agreeing to this!” Mr. Lee shouted angrily at his wife. They were locked in their bedroom; their disagreement was slowly tensing to the point of a shouting match. It was their second time in a week.

“Can’t you see that she is in pain?! How could you bear to do this to your daughter; to our daughters?”

He pulled his hair in exasperation again. His wife was right. Both Xiao Shan and Ann were in pain, Xiao Shan mostly. Pacing in a circle, most probably in agony, he sighed out loud. “What do you expect me to do?”

“Stop the marriage!” she shot out in equal frustration. “Xiao Shan and Lu Han obviously don’t love each other. We can’t force them together.” She lowered her head, dabbing her eyes with the crumpled tissues in her hands.

“She is right. I killed her mother.”

“I forbid you to think like that! It isn’t your fault!”

“If we had ended our relationship after you married her, she wouldn’t die.”

“She committed suicide!”

“Yes! And we drove her to it! I never forgave myself for that. And I have always thought Xiao Shan would forgive me. I tried… I really tried to be a mother for her.”

Mr. Lee walked over to his wife and pulled her into a tight hug. Sighing again, he let out, “It’s my fault. If I have been half as brave as Xiao Shan now to say no then, it wouldn’t come to this. She is the way she is now because of my cowardice. I was too greedy.”

Mrs. Lee returned the hug, reducing her cries to small sobs. Her heart breaks seeing her step-daughter like this. It may be true that Xiao Shan was not her flesh and blood, and she had one way or another, favored Ann in many instances. But she really did try to include Xiao Shan, treat her like her own daughter and love her just the same. But the wound was too deep for her to cure.

“What are we going to do now?” she asked weakly.

*

Xiao Shan watched the yellowing photograph burned in the flame. Her mother’s face slowly reduced to ash, disappearing from her sight. It was an act of closure that she decided she deserved.

A knock on the door pulled her away from the small fire. Mrs. Lee was at the door. Turning to look at the older woman, she gave a slight nod as acknowledgement and gestured for her to enter.

Mrs. Lee watched as her stepdaughter put the fire out. She has been throwing away and burning some stuff up. But no one stopped her. Xiao Shan always has that effect on people. She acted bizarrely at times but people tend to turn the other cheek because they were afraid it might hurt her feelings due to her early loss of her mother. Or that she sometimes stared at you in this piercing look that seemed to read you.

Trying to distract herself from that thought, Mrs. Lee turned to scan her room. Much like her personality, Xiao Shan’s room was furnished to the minimal; no boy band poster, no friends’ or family’s pictures, no cute plush toys, and no pretty wallpapers. And now, it has been stripped to an empty room like in an abandoned motel. All her belongings were either boxed up or in suitcases.

“You don’t have to do this,” Mrs. Lee began.

Xiao Shan turned to look at her mother. Sighing, she took a seat on her bed that has now removed of its covering. She patted a spot beside her. The latter obliged.

“I want to do this, mom.”

Mrs. Lee drew a sharp intake of breath. She hasn’t expected that regard, especially not after all bottled up emotions Xiao Shan has been keeping was opened. Smiling in gratitude and quickly rubbing away her tears, she replied, “Thank you...” She reached out for her hand, “for doing this.”

“I’m doing this for myself,” Xiao Shan rebutted. Looking at the pile of ash from the small pot she had used to burn all the memories she held on, the smoke still rise from it, she continued, “Someone I really care about told me that I should try to let go. I never really did all these times but I guess it’s time now.”

“But this is too big of a sacrifice…”

“Someone should do it, for everyone else’s sake.”

“It might not have to come to this,” Mrs. Lee interjected quickly. “Your dad can still talk to the…”

“Mom, please.” Mrs. Lee stopped. “We all know there’s no way around it. They never liked you and Ann and they certainly will not like you now. They think you are an embarrassment, a taint to the high society. As long as I’m still around, Lu Han can never marry Ann.”

“At least let us try,” Mrs. Lee plead. “You’re practically asking us to disown you. After what I have done to you and your mother, you want to disappear for Ann’s sake?”

Xiao Shan smiled. “After my mom died, you’ve tried so hard to fill in as my mom, I know that. Even if we’re not blood related, you have been a better mom than my real mom would ever be. When she was alive, she was always drunk, throwing things and shouting. Sometimes, I don’t really think she knows I’m there. Without you and Ann, maybe I would have disappeared a long time ago.”

That was a revelation, a piece of information into Xiao Shan’s world. Mrs. Lee looked hard at her daughter, feeling all the sorrier.

“All of you made my life better than it was. It’s the least I can do in return. I know I’ll be happy knowing that Ann and Lu Han will be happy together because of me.”

A single tear finally rolled down Mrs. Lee cheek. Sniffing softly, she patted Xiao Shan’s hand that has been in hers. “I’m going with you.”

“What? No, there’s no need to.”

“I know you don’t want anyone knowing where you are headed but your dad and I will keep it to our graves. You’re sacrificing everything for Ann so at least please let me accompany you. Let me help you through this.”

“Ann needs you here.”

“I owe it to your mom, Xiao Shan. At least let me do this to honor her, as a way for apologizing to her.”

Xiao Shan studied her mom. There really was no need for Mrs. Lee to be following her to wherever she plans to go. She has been alone all this time mentally so physically alone would not make any of a difference. Besides, she didn’t want anyone to know where she was heading. She was supposed to be dead.

But this is Mrs. Lee’s way of atoning, Xiao Shan knows. She couldn’t rob her of that. So she nodded.

“So where are we heading?”

Xiao Shan looked at all her suitcases, ready to go. Then she looked up at her mom again. “Canada.”

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A long update!! Initially, I wanted to separate this into two chapters but it's one big setting so I thought "WTH~ Just make it into one" XD

This will be my last update for the year, just a few more days till 2014~ Hope everyone had a great 2013 and looking forward to another great year ^^ In advanced, Happy New Years, everyone!!

@sunny234: Thank you for reading and subcribing.

@pinkgirl: Thank you for reading and subcribing as well~ I won't reveal much about the plot but it's one great twisted line. Everyone will be fighting for everyone. Lolx..

@chokunay: Kris will appearing soon... Note the destination *hint* Thanks for reading

@other readers & subcribers: Thank you for reading!! Hope to read about your feedbacks about my story.