Is there a limit to love?

2. They are not like us (we are not like them?)

A single moment cannot ruin everything. There has to be something before. I wonder where “my something” started. I tortured myself trying to figure it out but then... does it really matter? Maybe I would have never thought, I would have never imagined...but my love was always there.

My love will always be.

Donghae hoped it was the fever, hoped I was an hallucination. Because in the laundry room there was Heechul. Making out with Hangeng.

Donghae asked himself why he didn't faint. He had a really good reason to faint. “Body please faint, so I can pretend this is a dream. Ehem. A nightmare”. Of course he remained conscious, mouth open like a fish seeking air.

Well at least he was not screaming. But he nearly did it when someone grabbed him from behind, covered his mouth with a hand and forced him to step back.

• Shh, it's me- whispered softly a voice in his ear.

He didn't have to turn to know it was Hyukjae. He instantly relaxed and allowed himself to be dragged by his best friend. Hyukjae dragged him to his room, being careful to be as silent as possible while closing the door. They slid themselves down, Donghae leaned his back on the door, Hyukjae opted instead to glue his ear to the door trying to catch the moment those two were going to exit. Because they were going to exit, weren't they?

Donghae was beyond shocked still unable to properly process what he has just seen. What the has just happened?

• Are you ok?- Hyukjae asked him in a whisper, worry all over his face. Donghae rolled mentally his eyes “Seriously Hyukjae?”

• Donghae..?- Hyukjae asked again this time with more concern, a hand caressing his thigh, like they usually did when they wanted to reassure each other. Donghae jumped like 5 meter afar from him. Well in his mind were 5 meter even though in reality were only 50 cm and he managed to hit his elbow on the hard wooden door in the process.

• Donghae stop making noise and be quiet!- Hyukjae whispered in an angry and scared tone.

• How can I stay quiet! I just has seen my two bandmates furiously making out in our laundry room! And you are asking me if I'm ok?

• Shhhh!!! Donghae they can hear us!

• I don't give a f...

• shhh!!!! - Hyukjae tackled him on the floor with all his weight which was not much, but he compensated enough with his muscles an so pinned him down, his hand covering his mouth again.

The sound of steps in the corridor made them froze. Dognhae stayed still like an inanimate object, his eyes wide open in fear, shivers running trough his back but maybe those were due to the fever, who knows. He could feel Hyukjae's erratic breath tickling the skin on his neck, the warm on his not uncomfortable at all. This position was not new for them but somehow after the show he has just seen a part of his mind found it compromising.

They heard some voices too. Then other footsteps this time more distant, and finally a door shutting. Then the silence. They stayed in that position for a couples of seconds before carefully standing up. Hyukjae tiptoed towards the door, and carefully opened it, glancing right and left to see if the dorm was really empty. Apparently it was. He entered Donghae's room again and sighed in relief.

• That was close-

Donghae was still laying on the floor trying to recollect himself.

• Hae...- somehow Hyukjae took pity on him and with a smile full of concern knelled down beside him.

• Hae you are still sick, you can't lie here- he said touching his forehead to check the temperature- See. You are still hot. C'mon, go lie on the bed.

Hyukjae helped him standing up and guided him to the bed, putting the blanket over his body. Beside his state of shock, Donghae still enjoyed Hyukjae's attentions towards him. Usually his best friend would gladly kicked him for being too much clingy, or demanding. However when Donghae was feeling unwell Hyukjae was the first to worry about him and he took care of him in every possible way. He said it didn't feel right to kick a sick so he was caring only because he wanted to continue his bullying. But Donghae knew better. He knew Hyukjae didn't stand the sight of him being hurt. And he totally understood that because for him was the same.

• We really have seen what we have just seen?- Donghae asked to his best friend. It was a silly question but maybe there was a one on a million possibility it was all an hallucination due to his fever.

• I'm afraid so- or maybe not.

• Oh God!- Donghae put the blankets over his head, praying to disappear.

Hyukjae chuckled but it was a bitter smile.

• It could be worse.

• I can imagine something worse...- mumbled Donghae under the blankets.

• Well... we could have caught them in other activities...

• Gross!- and the younger kicked the dancer with his foot.

• Ouch! That hurt!

• Thanks to you I have more unrequested imagines for my nightmares. You ert!

Hyukjae sighed- It's not like I'll have sweet dreams tonight...

Donghae peeked from under the covers. He was so shocked himself that he didn't stop to think that maybe Hyukjae was too.

• Anyway... how come you are here?- Donghae asked him, genuinely curious.

• I used my break to check on you- he said. “That's cute” Donghae thought, deciding to put out his head from under the blankets to look at Hyukjae's face.

• You know... you are a disaster when you are sick- the dancer , poking his head with a finger. Hyukjae was seated on the bed beside him and had a serious expression despite his attempt to joke. Donghae closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

• Hyuk...what are we going to do?- He asked looking at Hyukjae with those expressive eyes that always managed to melt Hyukjae's stubborn attitude.

After a long silence the dancer simply replied:- Absolutely nothing.

• Nothing?

• You heard me. It's not our business, furthermore Heechul hyung is soon going to get enrolled. We don't have a motive to make a fuss in his last days with us.

• Are you asking me to act like nothing happened and just pretend I didn't see one of my best friends making out with another male...our Hangeng!?

• Exactly!

• I can't do that!- Donghae said tossing his blanket and staring at Hyukjae like he was mad.

• Do you have any better idea? Do you really think you are able to face Heechul about this right now? - Hyukjae replied trying to not get irritated. He couldn't loose his right mind in that moment or nobody would have stopped that silly fish from running towards Heechul hyung and asking explanation. Which it was the worst idea possible. Only the thought made him shiver in fear.

  Donghae was confused, shocked and angry at the same time. Damn Heechul hyung, always doing something crazy and then letting the others to take care of the mess. If only he wouldn't have been sick...

• Hyukjae you know I in hiding things...

• I know but you have to do it. You are an actor Donghae, just imagine this is a movie plot

• I wish...

Hyukjae laughed quietly- We are together in this, you can say you are sad because Heechul is leaving or something like that. Which is actually truth so nobody would think otherwise. Like it could be possible for the others to even guess the truth- added then bitterly.

Donghae snorted. - I'll try. God Hyuk... I really didn't seem that coming.

• Me too. Even though is Heechul hyung. At least now I understand the real meaning behind his depression.

• Oh... love-sickness?

They stared at each other and sighed and the same time.

- Now lay down and take a rest. I have to go back to work- Hyukjae said after a while. Donghae complied.

• Don't worry too much Hae. It will pass- the dancer added while standing up from the bed. Dognhae grabbed his hand an squeezed it. Hyukjae smiled to him before taking his leave.

Once Hyukjae was gone. Donghae put the covers again over him trying to disappear in them.

“Oh shisus”.

A week passed after the incident and in two days Heechul was going to enrol definitely. And Donghae was lost like only once in his life before (after his father died) and it was not even for the reasons everybody, except Hyukjae, supposed. Teukkie hyung came to him and patted him on the back that day and said something like: - don't be too sad, 21 months will pass sooner than you think. Donghae had only the force to nod, while in his mind he wanted to scream in frustration. Hyukjae would thrown at him some worried gazes even though as the time passed, and his behaviour got worse, the gazes transformed from worried in irritated. Donghae shrugged. It was not the time to deal with Hyukjae. He had more essential things to think about. For example the chaos that was his mind. He couldn't stop thinking. He couldn't stop wonder about Heechul and Hangeng. Because he knew both well and he couldn't imagine something like that. Both Hangeng and Heechul had girlfriends in the past and despite Heechul's displays of affection on stage, nobody among the suju members would have suspected something like that. They always thought it was part of his narcissist personality, something like :- I'm so awesome that even wearing women clothes can ruin my awesomeness”. Apparently they were wrong. However Heechul and Hangeng's friendship was not different from other kinds. Everyone in super junior had someone who they got along better with. And it was not like they were making out with them. It was not like he and Hyukjae were making out every day! Because unfortunately the comparison between Heechul and Hangeng and Hyukjae and him was inevitable. So since he and Hyukjae were not making out and they were not plaining to do so in the future... what in the earth pushed Heechul and Hangeng to take a step further?

“You are thinking nonsense, Donghae. It's not like there's a step further. They are a rare case. They are not like us.”

That was what was rounding in his mind those days. Luckily Heechul was spending most of those days with his family but it was not like he could avoid his hyung. Not when he was soon going to be enrolled. However it was hard for Dognhae to have a properly conversation with him, he couldn't fool Heechul forever, he knew. Heechul was not stupid. And Dognhae was never a good liar. That was why the few times that Heechul remained at the dorm, Donghae made sure to not be alone with him and possibly to have Hyukjae beside him. The big accident ( he referred at the fact with that name) made him even more clingy towards his best friend, to the point of being annoying, he knew. But he needed to have Hyukae skin to skin. Only Hyukjae's scent and touch could relax him. Even though hugging him was more a move to prevent himself to just attack Heechul and force the truth out of him.

• If you hug me more tight I'll seriously faint- murmured Hyukjae. They were seated on the couch, well it was more like Hyukjae was seated on the couch playing against Kyuhyun while he was plastered on him. The others members where chatting all over the apartment of the 11^th floor and even Siwon was there: they wanted to stay together for the last couple of days of Heechul.

• Sorry- Donghae muttered loosening the hug but not letting him go. Hyukjae sighed. He was a bit irritated but he could understand Donghae. The latter was once again thankful that Hyukjae was so patient. A part of his mind like to think that maybe even Hyukjae needed him beside and that was why he let him being so clingy.

• You know you should go and chat with Heechul hyung a bit.

• I'm happy here where I am.

• Donghae you are being way too obvious.

• You were the one who said: it's impossible for the others to guess- Donghae whispered in reply. He really didn't dare to go and talk with Heechul no matter how much wanted to know the truth. He needed only Hyukjae for the time being. Or a lobotomy, that could work too.

• Waaa my favourite dongsaeng. Aren't you going to miss your hyung?- it was Heechul who appeared from the thin air and was now laying on Donghae adding more weight to Hyukjae. Donghae was so surprised from the sudden contact and to the fact the he had his current nightmare right beside him that flinched hard enough to make flip Hyukjae joystick.

• What the hell!- Hyukjae cursed.

• Thanks hyungs!- Kyuhyun added in delight.

Hyukjae glared at Donghae but the younger couldn't careless. “Donghae, breath. He's Heechul. The hyung who you used to cherish a lot.” Donghae had contrasted feelings towards Heechul. His hyung preference whatever they were, didn't upset him so much like knowing his hyung has deliberately hid something so big from him. He was a dongaseang not exactly a chingu. However he connected well with his crazy hyung all those years and during Heechul's break down he was there. He thought he was helping him. He thought to be reliable. Was it silly for him to feel a little betrayed?

He did wanted to talk, he was the type that when he was upset he would clearly show it to the person. But due to the circumstances he couldn't do that. He still didn't talk about it with Hyukjae properly either. They had schedules and they didn't want to talk with Heechul still there, aside the fact that Hyukjae really didn't like the serious talking. He really wanted to talk about it and he was afraid to miss the chance to do it. He felt lonely.

• Hyung!- Donghae said trying to smile decently.

• Fishy do you yo kill the monkey with your hugs?- Heechul added smirking.

• Ha ha ha- Donghae laughed awkwardly distancing himself from Hyukjae. But he left a hand on his bestfriend's thigh, in that gesture that managed everytime to make him feel safe.

• Wouldn't it be better if you hug your favourite hyung instead of the monkey! I'm better!

• Hey!- exclaimed Hyukjae.

• You know I'm right- Heechul said hugging Donghae and sticking the tongue towards the dancer. Donghae let himself being hugged, a little stiff.

• Are you feeling ok dongsaeng? These days you are acting weird! You are not sick, aren't you?

Donghae noticed the real concern in his hyung words and somehow felt guilty. It was still Heechul, his crazy hyung. He relaxed in his hug and smiled this time for real.

- Don't worry hyung! I'm fully recovered! I'm only a bit sad that you are going to enrol.

Donghae didn't understand the gravity of his words until he felt Hyukjae pinching hard his side. Crap!

• Hae were you at home sick?

• Yeah- he gulped “ and now what Donghae?”

• Nah it was only a little cold, he even didn't need to rest! You know Donghae like to exaggerate- Hyukjae came in his rescue, hoping Kyuhyun was not going to contradict him. Luckily the maknae was too engrossed in the game to take notice of the conversation behind him.

• Heehim!- said Sungmin entering the living room, catching the attention of Heechul. “God bless you Sungmin”, Donghae thought. He and Hyukjae exchanged gazes briefly. Hyukjae preferred to continue playing while Donghae used the distraction to sneak into the balcony and catch fresh air. He grabbed his cellphone and called the first person who came in his mind. His girlfriend. They talked a bit about silly things but somehow his tone betrayedhim  becuase Yuri asked him:- Donghae, sweety is it all ok?

• Yes it's all right Maybe a bit tired. And a little sad for Heechul's departure.

• I see. You know you can count on me, do you?

• I know. Don't worry Yuri. I'm really fine. We'll see each other soon.

• Take your time sweety, I know how Heechul is important for you. Say hi to Hyukjae- shi. I have to go Hae. Good night.

• Sweet dreams Yuri, bye.

  He stayed a little bit outside before trying to calm himself down a bit. Talking with his girlfriend helped him, it was not like Hyukjae's presence but sure he felt a little better. He really liked her. After a while he decided to go back into the dorm. He went towards the kitchen where were the others. And here they were, Siwon and Shindong joking around while Ryewook was feeding by force Yesung. “ Glod bless you guys, too”. He shook his head and tried to enjoy himself.

Later that night they played silly jokes and drank souju, well the others drank he, Hyukjae and Siwon, who had to drive home, watched the others get drunk. In the end they were all rolling on the floor, Sungmin's hilarious laugh in the background. Everyone was too lazy to even move so they decided to sleep there in the apartment on the 11th floor. Heechul laid heavily on the couch, while Jungsoo decide to sleep in Sungmin and Kyuhyun's room. Shindong was the only one who wanted to sleep comfortably in his own bed and so Siwon helped him to go upstairs before driving home. Donghae took advantage to the fact that they were all tipsy to nonchalantly sneak in Hyukjae's room even though he was not drunk like the others. He didn't want to sleep alone.

• How come I'm not surprised you are here?- said to him Hyukjae once he came back from the bathroom. He was wearing the pyjama with fishes that Donghae gave him as a present the last Christmas. Donghae smiled at the sight, but he didn't reply. Hyukjae went toward his closet to grab some sweat pants and a shirt to lend to him. Donghae wore them and crawled under Hyukjae's bed blankets. The older switched off the lights and crawled beside Donghae. The latter didn't waste time and hugged him. Hyukjae chuckled.

• Don't get use to this. After Heechul's departure, I won't let you be so clingy.

• Then it's better if I continue doing it till I can.

• Donghae- Hyukjae warned him

• Hyukjae- Donghae said in reply.

• What I'm going to do with you?- Donghae giggled but it was not his usual giggle. Hyukjae felt bad and so he caressed him on the back, trying to sooth his distress.

• It'll be ok, Hae.

• You promise?

• I do.

It followed a silence but Donghae took his courage and asked one of the question that has tormented him those days.

• Hyuk... is it ok?

• What?

• Heechul... Hangeng... what do you think...?

Hyukjae sighed. He took a couple of seconds to reply.

• Well. It's not like: it's not ok... It's only what Heechul and Hangeng decided to do.

• You think so?

• You think otherwise?

• No. It's just... well unexpected at least.

• You could say...but Donghae despite the obvious part, I mean, me too I'm shocked, it's not everyday that you discovered two of your male friends are hooking up,with each other...

• Couldn't you use other vocabulary?

• There's no other way to say it.

• …

• Anyway, Donghae what I'm trying to ask you.... why are you so upset? It's none of our concern. Heechul will leave soon and Hangeng is in China again. I checked. He went back the day after...well it happened...

Donghae shifted a bit in his spot. So Hyukjae was affected too. He checked. But he was never near upset like Donghae was.

• He didn't tell me, Hyuk. I'm his friend and all this time he didn't tell anything. Neither of them. Even if Hangeng is now In China I still care. And Heechul and I were always closed. But he didn't tell me.

• It's not something easy to tell. Maybe he feared our reaction... your reaction, it's not like you are reacting too well.

• So it is because of me.

• No Donghae, it's not your fault. I'm only saying that is not simple to open your heart. The fear is too much. Sometimes we think is better to not bother the others about something they could do nothing about. I can understand you but I can try to understand Heechul hyung either.

  Somehow Donghae felt that Hyukjae was talking about himself.

• Maybe you are right. Still I would like to know what happened between those two.

• Some things are better being left unsaid.

• Aren't you a at least a bit curious about how they started? I can't even imagine...it's unbelievable...you now, they were like us.

• They are not like us Donghae. But I can get what you are implying. I don't know Hae. If I knew how, maybe we couldn't be so comfortable around each other right now, don't you think?

Donghae was taken back, but then he laughed quietly.

• You have a point.

• Sure I have. Despite that you have a girlfriend. As for me I'm going to get one soon

Donghae laughed. - Are you sure Yuri noona doesn't have a sister?- Hyukjae asked him.

- No sorry- He said, sensing Hyukjae's smile even though he couldn't see it. It was a sort of joke or maybe a promise they once did when they were younger, dreaming to marry two sister to be finally related. They felt like brothers but it would be awesome if they indeed managed to be family, each of them the uncle of each other children, their blood mixed up in a new generation. It was a dream but it was still pleasant to think that It could be possible.

• Thank you Hyukkie for being there- Donghae said after a while.

• You are welcome. Now sleep. Tomorrow is the last day of Heechul, you have to be in force.

• Okay.. night Hyukkie.

• Night Hae.

Donghae rested his head over Hyukjae shoulders, his best friend breath managing to calm him.

“ Hyuk is right. They are not like us.” Donghae thought before succumbing to sleep.

It was the last day before Heechul's enrolment. They all had tight schedule because they wanted to be free the day after to accompany Heechul at the base. Donghae had schedule with Jungsoo and Hyukjae, he was guest in their radio show. After that he had to shoot a video promotion alone and despite his hate towards his alone schedule, he still was satisfied. He really liked to do promotions, they were usually fun and he always ended up acting cool.

He had just ended the shooting when one of the cordi-noonas say:- there's one of your friends waiting for you at the reception.

Caught by surprise Donghae could simply nod, curious to know who was waiting for him, being all the members busy with schedule. He dressed himself normally after removing his make up and went calmly towards the reception. And there in all his might and flirting with the receptionist was the least expected person: Heechul.

“Of course with my luck it couldn't be nobody but him”. Donghae swallowed nervously while approaching his hyung.

• Hyung!- Heechul turned to him. He was in casual clothes but still handsome as usual. He stared at Donghae for a brief moment and the latter could swear something in his hyung gaze was... odd.

“He knows”.

• Oh my dongsaeng is here. Sorry sweety but we have to leave- Heechul said winking at the receptionist who squealed in delight. Heechul put then an arm across his shoulder and dragged him out of the building. There was an awkward silence between the two something that never occurred before. Donghae asked himself if he should continue acting oblivious, afterall he was not sure if Heechul knew and why he was there instead of being with his family.

• Hyung I'm so happy you are here! Where are we going?

• Somewhere to talk. Just a hyung and dongsaeng conversation- replied Heechul secretive.

• What for?

• Stop throwing me those puppy eyes, I don't buy it. This morning I asked Jungsoo if you were really sick. And guess what he told me? That you had fever few days ago and that you had to rest at the dorm.

Donghae asked again at his body to faint however again his body didn't come in his rescue. “shisus”

• Stop doing that face! I'm not going to eat you.

• Heechul...

• C'mon my car is over there- insisted Heechul.

Donghae nodded, defeated.

Heechul was greeting the fans waving his hand towards them a last time before passing the main gate of the military base. Donghae kept staring towards Heechul even when Heechul was nowhere in his sight.

• Donghae, it's better if we come back to the dorm- Hyukjae said to him, tugging his arm sleeve. Donghae silently nodded. His heart gloomy like the grey sky. He followed Hyukjae, gazing at the nape of his head, the white skin in contrast with his dark hair, trying to think if somewhere in the near future something would change in him and made him want to kiss that skin. He felt lost. He kept thinking about his last conversation with Heechul, he kept thinking about his hyung, about his story, about how all began and how all ended.

“They are not like us”. Hyukjae said. It was true. They were not like them because Heechul and Hangeng had gone further down a path, he and Hyukjae never imagined it could exist.

“They are not like us.... but ... we are like they were”.

Author's note: ho ho ho! Now the Eunhae drama is going to get more and more interesting. =D

Ho ho ho! I tried my best to give you a picture of what Donghae and Hyukjae friendship was. Are you curious about Donghae and Heechul conversation? ^^ I'll reveal it in the next chapters but even I don't know when and how. And Hyukjae, what about Hyukjae?

Hope this is going to turn out good. I don't have the intention to write a super angsty drama or a cheesy story either. Even though I admit I like fluffiness! ^^ you'll see. I have my own style! I want to do things properly. Eventually there'll be .

Please leave a comment and subscribe! ^^ I love you <3