9. Beyond

We auditionated. We got accepted. SMent and our dream forced us to live together, to spend every minute of our youth side by side. I know your secrets, you know mine, we shared happy and hard times. We fought, we argued a lot (we still argue a lot) but we get along like no other in the world, and “best friends” isn't even enough of a label to determinate the shape of our love, whatever kind this love is, whatever limit this love must have.

But.

After all... is there a limit to love?

Donghae knew Hyukjae was up to something.

He got it from the way he walked, tumbling uncertain on his feet. He got it from the gaze, those subtle glances he averted on his persona. After years of being side by side he could predict the little changes in Hyukjae, like he was a weather man or something like that. He felt it, even when nobody could ever guess it, because Hyukjae was a master of hiding his emotions, afraid to be a burden for the others. But his secretive behaviour wasn't enough to fool Donghae. After all Dognhae considered himself his personal translator.

However Donghae this time was scared to find out what exactly was going on his mind. So he let the other members to get in the way, to fill up the practice room with their noise. Practice started again harder than ever as the day of the concert approached. Most of the choreographies were embedded in their bodies and minds due to the countless times they performed them on the music programs and during the past concerts, only the new ones required more effort that Junsoo hyung didn't miss to ask from every of them. Donghae and Hyukjae still had their added stage but as they started to practice before the others, it wasn't really a problem.

Hyukjae glanced at him through the mirror, he tried to smile back. They glanced trough the mirror during practice countless times before, smirking to each other behind the leader's back. However it seemed all new to Donghae like he haven't had Hyukjae's gaze on him before.

It's this stupid crush fault! He thought.

Crush hyung? I think we agreed it was love.

He glared at the innocent maknae who arched a brow. It wasn't Kyuhyun's fault but his conscience. He remembered a dialogue with Hyukjae years ago when he confessed to him, kind of terrified, that he didn't know why but his inner thoughts tended to speak with Kyuhyun's voice. He now knew how creepy it could be.

However the fake maknae was right. It's love.

Well it was always love! Donghae tried to debate in his mind.

Not this kind of love. You went beyond. hyung.

I know. And there's NOTHING I can possibly do about. So Kyun-a,shut up.

Donghae shook his head. Fantastic. Now he was starting to have fake conversations with an imaginary maknae.

Jungsoo hyung went to change into another song while the others drank water or simply rested a bit. He went towards Siwon for a sweaty but safe hug, because those moments were perfect for Siwon warm hugs. Hyukjae's hug gave more, but Donghae thought it wasn't the best move. Because he was starting to notice just how y a sweaty Hyukjae was. Gosh. I'm a ert now.

• Donghae!- exclaimed a happy Siwon once Donghae attached himself to him.

• Siwon-a, I missed you.

• What a sweetheart! But we saw each other two days ago, Hae.

• I still missed you- Donghae replied jokingly.

• Aww!

• Hyungs stop! You are making me sick with all this sappiness- Kyuhyun commented teasing them.

• Then don't look! Go stick to Sungmin hyung!- Donghae replied..

Kyuhyun put his hands up, surrending. Donghae was still irritated by the conversation with the fake maknae of his mind. He couldn't help it.

• weren't you a bit harsh with Kyun-a?

• Was I?

Siwon could feel the sudden guiltiness that seemed to envelop Donghae.

• Ani. I was only teasing you. Besides our maknae sometimes needs a bit of discipline, we pamper him too much- Siwon tried to joke.

But Donghae didn't seem assured despite his laughing. Donghae was always moody but those days his mood was even more unsteady. Hyukjae's questions came to Siwon's mind, Hyukjae who seemed worried about Donghae. Siwon loved s and those two in particular, however he had to admit that most of the times he didn't understand them at all. He could say at some extent if Donghae was upset. It wasn't difficult but he would have never been able to guess why. He stopped feeling inadequate a long time ago, he was happy with looking after those two from afar, like Jungsoo hyung and Sugmin hyung did. That didn't mean he would have not tried to help them if he could.

• Donghae how are doing these days?- Siwon asked cautiously.

Donghae sighed while relaxing his body in Siwon half hug. Was he so obvious?

• Better. You know being lonely doesn't suit me, but I was the one who decided so I have to put up with it.

• Happy to hear you saying that. At some point you kept us all worried. At least now I know the cause.

• The cause?- Donghae shivered. What was Siwon talking about?

• You know, you were acting a bit off but I guess you were having a hard time with Yuri noona.

• Yeah, Yuri noona- Donghae nodded in relief. That cause. Why all seemed to scream Hyukjae even when not? Love, hyung. Argh Kyun-a!

• Hyukjae was so worried, he still is, I think. You know how he tends to be over protective!

• Hyukjae worried..?- Donghae asked alarmed. He didn't have idea that he made Hyukjae feel bad.

• Yes, he kept asking if somebody knew something. It was weird because if there's someone who should know it's him- Siwon paused, while Donghae had the sensation he knew more

• Go on, please, Siwon.

• Well he asked me if I knew if you were interested in someone, since we spent a lot of time together due to the drama.

• And what did you reply?

• Of course that there was none.

• I see.

• Donghae?

• Has he asked to someone else?

• To Kyuhyun I think? Why?

• Just curious, Siwon-a.

• Maybe I didn't have to tell you... I'm sorry, I made you upset. I can tell.

• Nah. Don't worry Siwon. It's just that Hyukaje tends to babysit me too much. I'm only a bit annoyed, even though I know sometimes I can act childish.

• Are you sure?

• Yah! Don't worry!- Donghae tried to smile as sincere as possible even though he was terrified. Judging from Siwon's expression he wasn't doing a good job. Luckily Junsoo decided to start practice again. Thank God.

Donghae danced in a numb state.

So Hyukjae was going around asking information about him to the other members. It wasn't like the others could possibly know something but Hyukjae was a stubborn person. He could in some extraordinary way, find out. Impossible unless he reads my mind. It was hard enough to live hiding something so big to the most important person of your life. It was even worse knowing that person was doing all what in his possibilities to discover the truth. Hyukjae never once confronted him because he hated to pry in someone else's privacy. But if Hyukjae that time decided to confront him Donghae didn't knew if he would have been able to hide the truth.

Holy crap, I'm screwed.

Donghae now wasn't only sure Hyukjae was up to something but even his actions were getting suspicious. The skinship one of Donghae's favourite things increased dramatically. Normally Donghae would have not complained. However when you secretly love- yes he give up in the end- your best friend, skinship could result hard to bear. He hated himself for feeling like he was feeling but he couldn't stop himself to feel all warm and fuzzy inside Hyukjae's arms. Whether they were in the practice room or in their dorm, Hyukjae would glance at him, with that unreadable look he had in those days, then he slowly approached him and put his arms around his waist and his chin over his shoulder.

How in the world could I bear all this before?

Every touch drove him crazy and he gladly leaned on him enjoying the contact even though Hyukjae didn't mean nothing more than the usual affect between bestfriends.

Donghae stop asking for more. It will never work. You are idols. You are bestfriends.

Nonetheless all that skinship was strange. And some members were starting to notice it too. Sungmin and probably Kyuhyun.

He had the confirmation that Hyukjae had something on his mind later that night. They were seated comfortably on the sofa. They were the two of them and the maknaes in the dorm, and while Ryewook was cooking for them and Kyuhyun was taking a shower they were randomly flipping the channels not really watching anything.

• Hae...- Hyukjae whispered. Donghae was lying in the couch his head rested on Hyukjae's lap.

• Hmm?- he said a little sleepy.

• You know you can tell me anything. Don't you?

Donghae tried with all his might to not open his eyes in surprise.

• I know- he managed to reply.

• Good- Hyukjae simply said, his hair with his fingers, in a sweet and warm caress. Donghae's heart skipped a bit, but he remained froze in that position afraid to betray his feelings if he moved.

  They stayed like that till Ryewook called them for dinner.

Just...what the heck?

Donghae was scared. For the first time he didn't knew a thing. He didn't knew what Hyukjae was thinking, if he was acting upon a plan or something. He kept the amount of skinship high and Donghae was starting to not bear it anymore. It was like with every touch Hyukjae was trying to convince him to confess.

It can't be. You are only being self conscious Donghae.

However when he found Kyuhyun alone the night after, he caught the opportunity.

• Kyuhn-a!

• Hi fishy!- Kyuhyun replied distracted but still continuing to play on Warcraft. The Kyuhyun in my mind at least is more polite.

• Can I ask you something?

Kyuhyun put on pause the game, something rare for him, but Donghae didn't knew that Kyuhyun was eager to have confirmations about the Eunhae problem, how he called it during his whispered conversations with Sungmin.

• I'm all ears- he said putting all his attention towards Donghae. The latter who didn't expected so much collaboration was taken off guard, however it wasn't the right time to feel shy.

• Ahem. Ok. Well, did Hyukjae ask you anything about me?

• About what?

• About whatever...

• yes he did asked me. He wanted to know if I knew who was your new crush.

Whoa. Kyuhyun couldn't be more direct, but the maknae never was one to beat around the bush.

• Oh...

• Of course I told him I knew nothing.

• Because you know nothing.

• Indeed... Hyung, you know you can say anything to us. To me.

Donghae laughed.

• Everyone keeps saying that.

• Because it's true.

• I know, thank you, Kyun-a. But...

• But if you didn't tell Hyukjae there's no way in hell you'll tell to somebody else?

• It's not like I don't trust you- Donghae frowned. Aish. How come now a conversation with the real maknae was able to corner him.

• Sorry, I didn't mean to sound pissed or offended. I just care for you. Feel free to act like you want. However I think it's better if you talk at least with your bestfriend.

Donghae wanted to laugh in amusement even though it was not funny at all. Like I could tell this to Hyukjae.

• It's better to leave Hyukjae out of this. I can handle it.

• Can you?

A voice, the last voice he wanted to hear in that moment interrupted their conversation. Kyuhyun widened his eyes in surprise while Donghae froze in his spot. Please, god tell me, it's not...

• Hyukjae!- Donghae turned slowly and there, in the entrance of the living room, stood Hyukjae and Sungmin. Sungmin made signal to Kyuhyun to keep silent while Hyukjae's gaze was burning him inside out.

• Donghae, let's go talk somewhere else- intimated Hyukjae, and Donghae knew he had to oppose but under that intense gaze he was defenceless, so he simply nodded.

They silently went towards Hyukjae's room, leaving Sungmin and Kyuhyun in the living room.

Hyukjae attentively closed the door behind him, blocking the only way of escape with his body. He was staring at Donghae, arms crossed, face dark. Donghae knew that expression, a storm was approaching. Hyukjae lost his temper rarely but when he snapped it was one of the most scary things. He gulped. How he was supposing to lie to him?

• Donghae. I think I told you can say anything to me.

• You did.

• Anything Donghae- he stated again with a dark tone.

• I know.

• It doesn't seem like- Donghae wanted to scream, to shout from the top of his lungs what he was feelings but he couldn't. Hyukjae would have never asked him that if he knew.

• Hyukjae we are bestfriends- he remarked- however it's not like I have tell you every little tiny thing of my life. You have plenty of secrets, I bet. Can I have one too?

• No, it affects our friendship.

• It's not affecting our friendship!- I'm saving our friendship, stupid monkey!

• You are right, I reformulate: no, because it's affecting you!

Donghae was left speechless because once again Hyukjae gave proof of how perfect and lovable creature he was.

• You...!

• Donghae talk to me- Hyukjae whispered, embracing him in his arms. I can't... against you! I love you so much... so much. Donghae violently jerked off, surprising Hyukjae.

• Yahh! Stop it!I told you to let go! You never pried in my buissness before! Why this time?

• Why not?

Donghae tried to put more distance but Hyukjae followed his every step. Donghae felt like a trapped beast. Why Hyukjae are you doing this to me?

• you can't ask me this! If you knew...- Dognhae felt desperate and Hyukjae was there, willing to share the worrisome with him, like the bestfriend he was.

• Try me, Donghae- he replied with the most tender tone.

• Stop it!- stop being so damn perfect!- stop make me wan to...- confess. Donghae crashed down on his knees.

Hyukjae crashed down with him. Taking him in his embrace. He pecked him on his hair and Donghae could feel the sensation of his lips, making him shiver from head to toe. He didn't cry for a miracle, because protecting his secret was far more important, because no matter what his friendship with Hyukjae was more important than everything.

• A week ago- started Hyukjae and Donghae could bet his tone sounded uncertain- I went to visit Heechul hyung.

Donghae's heart nearly stopped.

• You really have to stop keeping all to yourself. It doesn't suit you- Hyukjae said trying to joke- aren't we bestfriends?

• What are you trying to say Hyuk..?- Donghae asked lifting his head to look the other in the eyes. He found Hyukjae staring him back.

• I'm saying that we are on the same page, Donghae.

And Donghae's world turned upside down.

Author's note: a special thank to strawberrymyeolchi and her “caught on tape” that gave me the idea of Kyuhyun as inner voice ( if you haven't read his fanfic, go read it, it's beautiful!). Now that I updated let me know what do you think? Did you enjoy? I bet you wanted to kill when I started with Donghae and didn't continue with Hyukjae XD but they are almost there! =D thank you so much for your comments, they made me really happy! Keep commenting and subscribing. Love you all <3

ps: the ost of this chapter