It was already late but none of us wanted to go to sleep we all wanted g.o to keep reading, they all wanted to see what would happen next. So g.o turned the page and continued reading

March 23 2007:

It all  happened so fast I don't know how this happen. I was just planning on trying it. I wanted to try it once and suddenly everything was falling apart. But I can't say that my life didn't get more exciting after I started taking drugs. Still with everyday that past I felt the I need to take it more than the day before. And the person who sold it to me knew that and he used it against me and I couldn't do anything about it. the prize is now higher and when I asked him why he simply said that I don't have to buy it from him. But we both knew that I had no other choice but to buy it from him. Soon I ran out of money. The money I was saving all of these years is gone. But now that I think about it I didn't have anything to do with it. I wanted the drugs so bad so I couldn't help but to ask my parents. The first time I asked them I told them I needed it for a new video game and they gladly gave it to me . I was never the type of person who would go out a lot so when I started to go out they were happy so I guess that's why they approved to give me the money for the second and third time. But after that when I asked them they told me that they couldn't afford it since they were planning to go on a trip after a month or so. I knew that I wouldn't be able to ask them for the money forever, I knew they would get suspicious and I didn't know anyone that well at school to ask them for money and if I took a job I won't get the money until the end of the month and I know that I can't wait for the end of the month. Not to mention I am not that good when it comes to people and dealing with them so I would probably get fired on the first day. At that point I didn't want to think I just needed it now I don't know where I will get the money but I am going to get the drugs.

I went outside and after a couple of minutes of walking I got to the club that I always go to. I got in and started to look for him I spotted him in the back leaning on the wall  a cigarette in hand and a smirk on his face. We both knew that he was in  control I know that very well and I hated it, I hated that someone could have that power on me I hated that I was being controlled. But I also knew that I can't do anything about it. I needed these drugs  so badly and nothing would ever change. Do I regret the first time I tried it? no, not at all. Still, I know I will someday.

I walked up to him and he knew what I wanted he just opened the back door and went outside I followed him too. He of course asked me if I have the money. And I just said no. I told him that I will bring him the money tomorrow  I was desperate for these drugs and he knew it so he said yes but he said that I will have to pay more but I didn't care. To be honest  I really don't know how to get the money and I was kind of worried now but as soon as he handed me the bottle everything stopped I didn't care about the money anymore I just took it and got back to the club and went back home. I went to my room, locked the door and did what I did every night.

No one said anything for a moment but after a couple of seconds seungho broke the   silence ''it's late we should get some rest'' he said and got up from the couch and went to his room and the others followed to their rooms too. But seungho wasn't planning on sleeping he went to use his computer he wanted to say something to the fans. He didn't know what to say but he just wanted to talk to them so he opened his laptop and started to write everything in his head he didn't care if he will get in trouble he didn't care because he knew that there is no hope for mblaq.

Hello everyone. How are you ? i thought it was time for me to write this post I think this is the least we can do to those who supported us from the beginning. I am sorry, I am sorry that you are disappointed, I am sorry that it had to end this way. But I am not going to lie and say things are going to get better. Because i know that it won't. i think it's just a matter of time for everything to be done. I know that soon there won't be mblaq anymore. It's the end of the road for us, or at least for me. To be honest with you I didn't tell anyone that I would post this post and I know I would get in trouble because of it but I don't care. I am not that strong, I can't  keep going and pretending nothing happened I wish I could though but I don't. I am sorry, I really am. For us at the beginning it was a dream, something that we thought  we would need a miracle to for this dream of ours to come true. Still we didn't give up and we didn't listen to people who were saying we were just kids, kids that would regret it in the future. No, we kept going it wasn't easy but we still managed to accomplish our dreams. But I can't say that I am proud of myself because I know that if I tried harder, just a little bit harder what happened wouldn't have happened. But I didn't and that's why I can't forgive myself and I won't. I hate that this decision that I'll have to make will affect a lot of people. But I had to do it. it's the least I can do for lee joon. So goodbye everyone and I am sorry. Please don't forget that I will always remember you.

seungho stared at the screen tears falling from his eyes but he didn't seem to mind. After a couple of minutes he got up, closed his laptop and went and started to pack his stuff. He couldn't take it anymore he had to go somewhere else, somewhere far away from all of this mess. He couldn't take it, It was all just too much.