~ Seungho ~

It was over. The MBLAQ disbanded and we all had to go our own way. There was no way we could stay together but as hard as it was to part with everyone, I think it was necessary. We needed time to deal with this by ourselves. If we stayed together any longer it would drive us nuts. Yes, we provided comfort to each other and at first, being together saved us because nobody could understand how we felt, only us... but... we are all different. We all need something else. Moreover, we were trying to control ourselves so we wouldn't make it harder for the others and... if we were all together, the empty spot Joon left was just so much more real. It was so painful to always remind yourself, he is no longer here, that is just the four of us now... So we packed our stuff and left the apartment. It was painful, our steps were heavy, but it was the new beginning. I believe, that one day we will all stand together again, that one day we will be able to smile and enjoy ourselves. But it was not possible now. Not in the near future either, but that hope... that faith, that one day it will happen, that's what keeps me sane, that's why I won't give up.

I went back to my family. They were all very careful around me, trying hard not to say something, that could make me sad. My mom even cooked only my favourite meals. The way they were acting was touching, but it actually hurt more. I spend a lot of time alone in my room, just starring at the wall. I felt so lost... I didn't know what to do. Should I try and go to school? Maybe I could just help my father with his business. I'm good at so many things but am I good enough to make living out of it? I don't think so. I was busy trying to figure out my future, when my dongsaeng knocked on the door. He came in and set on the bed next to me, playing with his hands.

"What do you want?" I asked, sounding bored to death.

"I was just wondering.... you know, now that you have time, would you like to play with me?"

"Play with you?"

"Yeah... the piano. We could form a band or something..."

I felt sick. As soon as he said that word... "band" .... no, I couldn't do that. Not just yet. It still hurt too much.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. He looked at me and he seemed so disappointed... so sad... I thought, he wanted to do this for me, but I guess, I was wrong. He really wished we could perform together. I sighed.

"I'm really sorry... I just can't. I'm not ready to perform, yet."

"It's okay, I understand." He smiles at me, but I know he is upset. I look away and bit my lower lip. He leaves after that and I am left feeling guilty again.

After dinner, mom and dad went out to watch a new musical and I again locked myself in my room. I spend about a hour listening to our songs, feeling like hell but then I got thirsty so I went down to pour myself a glass of water and that's when I heard it. My brother was sitting behind the piano we have in our living room, playing a song I've never heard before. It was so sad, so emotional. I froze on the spot, the music totally making me cry. I slided down, sat on the stairs and sobbed for the whole time my brother kept playing the song. In that one song, he could portray everything I've felt and I finally understood why he wanted me to play with him. Music is and forever will be the best way how to deal with anything. 

(a/n: the song his brother was playing)

When he finished, I went down and hugged him from behind. He was startled, but didn't struggle.

"Thank you."

I didn't have to explain what I was thankful for, he understood. 

"Let's play together." I said and he smiled. I sat next to him and we started to play.

(a/n: the song they played together)