"It'd be harder... to say goodbye..."
I Need You
Sunggyu began panicking when Eun-shil started crying that he almost reached out to her but Woohyun sat down on her bed first. He faced Eun-shil and wiped her tears with a tissue but Eun-shil was still looking up to Sunggyu, and soon her tears stopped.
Then none of them were saying anything until Woohyun realised that Eun-shil was still looking at Sunggyu. He reluctantly got up, touched Eun-shil's face and finally got her gaze in his.
"I'm going out for a second. Will you be okay?"
Eun-shil felt her stomach becoming hollow as she looked into Woohyun's eyes. "Um..."
He got down her bed and walked up to Sunggyu. "I'll be outside."
Sunggyu watched him walking out of the room, and took a while to look back at Eun-shil. She looked down her lap when their eyes met, as she fiddled with her blanket.
"Mind if I sit there?" Sunggyu asked, looking at the chair next to her bed.
Eun-shil looked towards the chair and nodded, clenching her fingers together.
Sunggyu took his seat and scratched his head, not knowing what to say. "Well, as you've heard before... I'm your brother... half-brother, I guess..."
Eun-shil didn't even look up to his face, feeling awkward.
"I heard that you need a bone marrow donor?"
She held up her head slowly. "Yes... That's true..."
"I... I don't know if I would be a suitable donor, but I will try to see if I am." He said, looking straight into her eyes.
"But... you... don't even know me..." She said, looking at him carefully.
Sunggyu smiled, sighing. "I know you now, don't I? And besides, even if I don't know you, if I'm a suitable donor, I won't mind helping you at all."
Eun-shil tried to look at his face but she was feeling rather shy, so she looked down his chest and studied his shirt. She felt a deep longing to know the man sitting beside her bed; but at the same time, she was afraid if he hated her. She was afraid that her presence might just be a nuisance to him. She already felt it when she heard that her father wouldn't be coming to visit her.
"I'm sorry that he can't make it." He said, apologetically.
"What?" Eun-shil snapped out from her thoughts.
"My father." Sunggyu said bitterly. "You see... I only knew about you a few days ago. I still can't believe I actually have a sister. It made me... kind of angry but..." He smiled, and looked at her kindly. "I guess the one I should be angry with is my father."
Eun-shil said nothing as she was afraid that she would sound disappointed so she only smiled a little. When she looked up and saw his smiling face, which was a bit sad, her eyes just well up with tears.
Sunggyu watched miserably, as he didn't know of what to do.
"I'm sorry." She said, wiping her tears quickly. "I just feel a bit..."
"It's okay." He quickly interjected, sitting up straight. "You're okay?"
"Yeah." She laughed a bit. "I'm just... too happy."
Sunggyu's heart hurt a bit, hearing her tone. "Happy?"
"Um." She nodded. "All this while... I never thought I have a family. I never thought of coming across them, at all. But... now... I heard that I have a father..."
His heart was clenching tightly against his skin, thinking how much she must had suffered. But he smiled, nevertheless, "And a brother too."
That only made Eun-shil cried even more but she too, was smiling to him.
Woohyun came in just as Sunggyu was leaving and he found Eun-shil's eyes were puffy but she was smiling brightly as she said goodbye to him. He nodded to Sunggyu and didn't even look at him as the latter went out of the door. He sat on the chair, watching Eun-shil smiling to herself.
"Woohyun-ah."
"What is it?" He went on watching her dreamy eyes.
"I have a brother."
"Lucky." He grinned, and held her hand as she started laughing.
The second round of chemo started the next day and Eun-shil, though she was in a high spirit, couldn't withstand the chemo well. She was just lying on the couch limply as she tried to keep herself awake. The doctor didn't allow any visitor that day, as she was very vulnerable to infections. She spotted some spots on her skin and the doctor told her they were caused by her low blood counts.
Sunggyu came around that day, trying to visit her, just to find she couldn't have any visitor. So, he tried meeting up with Eun-shil's doctor, asking about the bone marrow donor thing. The doctor was really welcoming him, as he had figured and they immediately set up a procedure to take his sample.
As Sunggyu was walking out of the doctor's office, he went back to her room, standing in front of it. He spent another minute just standing there, before he turned away and went home, thinking about her.
When he was sitting across his father that evening, the old man never looked that weak, Sunggyu had observed. He went back to his parents' house for dinner that evening, joining his father in their little yard for some deserts.
"In the end, you didn't go." Sunggyu said, not looking at his father.
Mr.Kim looked at the faraway gate. "I couldn't."
"Why not?"
"I don't know what to do..."
"Ahbuhji." Sunggyu turned to him, with a sceptical look on his face. "You're her father. She needs you."
"I'm not sure if I could be the right donor..." He looked down his hands, feeling anxious.
"There is always a possibility." Sunggyu furrowed, his eyes never left his father.
"I know, but... I'm not ready..."
"Don't wait until it's too late, ahbuhji." He said quietly. "She didn't look that good."
Mr.Kim looked at his son, slowly so. "So you've met her?"
"I did." Sunggyu smiled to himself. "She cried so much when I told her I was her brother."
"You told her that...?" Mr.Kim felt a deep grief inside of him.
"Yeah. I did. I don't care of the fact that we came from different mothers because we are still a family." Sunggyu said, feeling weird himself but his face never showed it. "Does eomeoni know about her?"
Mr. Kim heaved a sigh. "I know she knows but she never say anything..."
"I see... Then what about Eun-shil's real mother? Where is she now?"
Mr. Kim's face changed abruptly, as his eyes loses his focus. "I... don't know."
Sunggyu furrowed again. "You never met her after that?"
"No..."
Sunggyu said nothing until Mr. Kim spoke again. "I married your mother out of family arrangement.... I didn't know how to love her then... So when I met Eun-shil's mother... I was too young, she was a lonely woman and somehow... we got carried away. But then I heard she was pregnant... But I..."
Mr. Kim clearly remembered Eun-shil's mother begging him to stay with her, saying she was pregnant with their child. How he had freaked out after that, realising all of those would definitely destroy his family and most importantly, his career. He clearly remembered how he had left her on her own then, only meeting the child after 8 years.
"I don't want to know what happened. All that matters now is she's sick and she needs all means to recover. I will try for myself to see if I'm a suitable donor and I will... take care of her." Sunggyu said, getting up. "I'll be going first."
"Did she ask about me?" Mr. Kim asked, with a slight tremble in his voice.
Sunggyu took a deep breath. "She was only crying."
With that Sunggyu left the house, leaving Mr. Kim to the verge of tears, with his wife watching from inside of the house, feeling hollow.
The next day, he got off work a bit early and went straight to the hospital. He hated the idea of having to wear a mask to enter her room but after sanitizing his hands and put on his mask, he went in, trying to scratch his nose. She was lying with her eyes looking dimmed and even when she saw him, she could only smile weakly. Sunggyu inched in towards her, sitting beside her couch.
"How are you, Eun-shil?"
Eun-shil looked at him with wonder, not answering his question. Sunggyu waited but she was just looking at him with dreamy gaze.
"Eun-shil?" He stood up and was about to call for a nurse when one came in. "Is she okay?"
The nurse looked from Eun-shil to Woohyun. "It's the side effects of chemo, she can't really process what we say at times. But do talk to her." She left after checking her vitals and blood pressure.
Sunggyu went on looking at her. "I did some test yesterday. Well, we'll know the results later..."
He lost the words to say then. "Have you eaten?"
He watched as Eun-shil tilted her head and finally she shook her head slowly.
"Are you hungry?"
She shook her head again.
"You're here." Woohyun appeared from behind, putting down a basket on the counter. He was wearing a mask and ignoring Sunggyu, he went up to Eun-shil from the ot
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