"I guess... I'm your brother?"
I Need You
Eun-shil was sitting up, looking up the ceiling weakly. Her first round of consolidation chemo had just ended and it would take two to three days before the next chemo start. She didn't eat anything the whole day of her chemo, due to the high dosage of the chemo that made her sick to her core. She could barely move too, and her mouth felt so sore. She threw up a few times too, and she hated it when Woohyun had to clean her up, with a smile across his face.
She sat up straight, feeling just a bit better when she started to touch her hair, combing it with her fingers. As she had expected, the amount of hair trapped between her fingers was almost ridiculous. She kept on combing her hair, softly and slowly so, trying hard not to cry.
"Eun-shil, stop it." Woohyun appeared at the door and walked over to her in haste, gripping her hand gently. He took all the hair in her hand and tossed them into the dustbin and when Eun-shil's hand went up to her head again, he grabbed her hands and furrowed at her worriedly.
"Stop it... please." He said, almost pleading.
"I didn't even pull them..." She said with a flat tone; looking into his eyes. "They just came off..."
"I know... But..." He looked at her and realised how terrible she was looking at that time. Her hair was thinning badly, even her eyebrows seemed to look lighter. Her eyes were sunken and she never looked that pale. He tried to change the topic by asking if she wanted to eat something.
"Cut it for me, Woohyun-ah." She said, with her eyes looking empty. "Please."
"But I don't know how to..."
"Please."
Woohyun shut his eyes for a few seconds, before touching her face. He kissed her forehead lightly and could only smile a little. Eun-shil didn't return the smile; she only looked at him with dazed gaze, hurting his heart a bit.
When he came back with a scissor the next day, Eun-shil looked a bit better, and she ate the food Woohyun brought well. Though she was still feeling lethargic, she managed to stand up and with Woohyun's help, she walked to the toilet and sat on the chair Woohyun had put in there. She sat down, not facing the mirror and with a shivering hand, Woohyun took the scissors, smiling sadly to her.
Eun-shil's pupils dilated unnaturally when he touched her face and she watched as his gaze dimmed under his eyelids. He moved to stand behind her and held the scissors tightly, not knowing where to start. He was just looking at the top of her head, at how damaged her hair was.
"Woohyun?"
He responded by snipping the ends of her hair, and it fell unattractively onto the floor. He felt his stomach going hollow when he made another snip. He felt like he couldn't do it but little by little, Eun-shil's long hair that used to reach almost her waist had gone up to her shoulders.
"Do you hate me, Eun-shil?"
Eun-shil looked down on the floor, feeling her heart beating slowly. "Why would I?"
"I cheated on you... for so many times..." He said, as he cut her hair little by little, watching as her neck becoming visible.
She said nothing.
"I... I can't ask you to forgive me but... the reason I was being like that was because..." He stopped for a while, and combed her hair, just to pull together more of her hair. "I was afraid, you see."
"Afraid?"
"You are always way ahead of me, Eun-shil, ever since we were young... You would always overcome me, you would always win. And at some point, I got tired of it..." He went on snipping her hair, slowly so.
Eun-shil was still not replying so he continued. "You were always busy when you were in uni, and it got a lot worse when you got that job... We were barely talking, let alone sleeping together."
Eun-shil could clearly hear his sad tone and though she couldn't deny any of it, at the same time, she felt angry about it.
"But still, it was my fault, of course." He said, almost tearing up when he began to cut the hair near her ears. "I should've stayed by your side..."
"It's my fault too." Eun-shil said, suddenly. "I was too busy, too preoccupied with my work and all... I even forgot about you..."
It hurt me to see you with other woman, truthfully. But, what could I do about it? We were both at fault.
"So... Don't just blame yourself..." She added, after a moment of silence. She didn't dare to look up, even when Woohyun was kneeling in front of her, touching her hands that were fixed tightly on her lap.
"Eun-shil... It's okay to say that you hate me."
"I don't hate you." She said, still not looking up.
"Is that so..." He said, caressing her hand softly.
"I don't... So, please... Don't leave me...?" She ended her words with big tears falling out of her eyes, and before she looked up, Woohyun pulled her and embraced her tightly.
"I won't, Eun-shil, I won't." He touched her shaved head, feeling a strong urge to cry. "Ever."
When he pulled away and looked at her face, her, he wanted to cry so much. He was barely holding it in when Eun-shil looked at him blankly again. Then she looked at herself in the mirror and her eyes widened immediately. Her hair was at her neck's length but it was all choppy. She looked ridiculous enough that she began laughing with tears coming out of her eyes.
"I look like a mad person." She laughed, holding her stomach.
"Told you I don't know how to cut someone hair." He smiled sadly, looking at her, studying her badly-cut hair, and then he wiped the tears near her eyes and kept on caressing her cheeks.
"Thanks..." Her laughter ceased into a sad smile.
He returned her thank with a kiss.
When Woohyun left to get her some dinner, Eun-shil went into the toilet, half-dragging herself and stood in front of the mirror. She saw how her hair was looking much worst, and it made her looked a bit different, to the point that she could barely recognize herself. Slowly, she unbuttoned her gown and dropped it on the floor, revealing her pale torso. Her eyes dimmed when she studied herself from the bottom, looking at the ribs lines against her skin. Her skin felt rough, and her nails were almost bluish. Even her breasts had probably lost a size.
She spent more than minutes looking at herself in the mirror, just standing there when Woohyun came back. He noticed her missing from her bed and when he saw that the toilet's door was opened, he peered in and watched as Eun-shil was touching her face, furrowing. Then she touched her breasts and her abdomen, slowly as if she was afraid she would break herself, and her eyes became empty again. Woohyun was studying her body too and he couldn't remember seeing her looking like that, ever.
He retreated, and stood outside the room for a while, lookin
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