May 25, 2013

Sunggyu took Eun-shil to the hospital for her regular check-up and excused himself to go somewhere, ordering her to wait him there. She only nodded and gave him a face, saying that Sunggyu was becoming more like Woohyun and he made a face back and pinched her nose. She laughed and told him not to worry about her as she went to the procedure room alone to have her blood taken.

After she was done, she went out and sat at the place she was sitting earlier. She began to look around her and noticed many other patients around. There were even some children, with bald heads running up and down the corridor, to be stopped by a passing nurse. She smiled to them and they smiled shyly back and Eun-shil felt less lonely when she saw these people who shared the same fate as her.

This isn't too bad, she told herself.  I'm not alone...

"Hello beautiful."

Eun-shil looked up to see Woohyun standing in front of her and her face immediately brightened.

"Woohyun-ah. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?" She asked, when he sat down.

"I only have 5 minutes." He laughed. "I knew you're here so I want to take a look at you because I missed you."

She scratched her nose, feeling embarrassed. "Is that so..."

"Are we allowed to kiss here? Because I feel like kissing you so much." He said, leaning his face towards her.

"Yah! Stop it!" She scolded him, eyeing the surrounding warily.

"No, then?" He said, pouting.

"It's a day off tomorrow, right?" She asked, looking at him with the end of her eyes.

"Yeah and I want to kiss you all day long." He said, smiling when she made a face. "And I have something to give to you."

"What is it?"

"Something." He said, smiling giddily.

"I want to know!" She protested, pouting then and placed her hands on his lap.

"Let me kiss you then."

"No way!" She pulled her face and furrowed playfully at him. "I'll just wait until tomorrow."

Woohyun looked at his watch. "I got to go now. Will you be okay? Is Sunggyu coming back soon?"

"I'll be fine. Yeah, he'll be here soon. Don't worry about me." She smiled and Woohyun gave her a peck on her lips and before she could even scold him, he was walking fast through the crowd.

He turned and waved, "See you this evening!"

Eun-shil felt her face a bit hot as she looked around and noticed that some people had seen the whole thing and they were either giving her a meaningful smile or disapproval look. She looked down on her feet, trying to avoid their gazes when a woman called her name. Somehow her scent seemed... familiar.

"Eun-shil...-sshi?"

Eun-shil turned to the direction where the voice came from and before her stood a woman that she knew that she recognized but she couldn't be sure. Then slowly her memories came back and she couldn't even smile when the woman was trying to.

"You're... Eun-shil-sshi, aren't you?" She asked again and before Eun-shil could answer her, she was crying badly with the back of her hand over . Eun-shil looked up to her and stood up, holding her arm.

"Hey, why are you crying?" She asked, worriedly.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't know..."

Eun-shil pulled her down to sit on the bench, and patted her back carefully. "Hey, stop crying..."

She sniffed and looked at Eun-shil, studying her sunken and pale face and the beanie she was wearing. She still remembered how beautiful Eun-shil was but the one before her then barely had any meat on her bones. She cupped to contain her tears.

"Are you...sick, Eun-shil-sshi?" She asked, with a sad voice.

"Cancer..." Eun-shil answered, and suddenly she felt that no one had ever asked her that since she had barely met anyone since she was sick. "What are you doing here?" Eun-shil asked, looking at her worriedly.

"I... I followed him here." She admitted. "I didn't know why but I just sort of did..."

"Woohyun...?" The name escaped her tongue with a block in .

She didn't answer her but she looked away.

"Is there anything that you wish to tell me...?" Eun-shil asked, calming herself down. The woman was just sniffing.

"I should go." She said, wanting to get up but Eun-shil pulled her hand.

"Please, do tell me."

"I have nothing to tell you." She said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry... I don't know why I'm doing this... I saw him and I just followed him here and saw you but I couldn't be sure so I... I'm really sorry."

Eun-shil was silent but she was still holding the woman's hand. "Did Woohyun go and look for you...?"

The woman stopped sobbing, as if she had stopped breathing. "No..."

"Did you meet recently?" She asked again, feeling weak.

"We didn't." She said, shaking her head. "I never saw him again after that day after 2 months ago."

"Ah..." Eun-shil felt her chest tightened and her vision went unfocussed. Two months ago?

Two months... ago?

"I'm really sorry. I won't.... I won't ever come near him or you again. Forgive me Eun-shil-sshi, for not knowing. I shouldn't have... He shouldn't have... But I know that he only loves you... Eun-shil-sshi. I knew it all along but I... God, I'm so sorry."" Her voice was quivering.

"Why did you have to tell me all these..." Eun-shil asked, looking at her with unfocussed eyes. The woman bit her lips but offered no answer and she stood up, apologized again and left with tears still gushing out of her eyes. Eun-shil was left alone on the bench and suddenly there was no one else around her and everything was so quiet. She wasn't crying but she felt like she didn't want to breathe at all. She stared at the wall in front of her, her eyes blank and her hands shivering. She wasn't actually thinking about the woman or Woohyun or anything. She wanted the world to just stay silent at the moment because any sound that enters her ears at that moment would be rather too painful to take.

"Eun-shil?"

Sunggyu was kneeling by her feet, and holding her hands that were on her laps. He looked worried. Had he been calling her many times? Eun-shil was just staring at him, saying nothing and she couldn't even smile.

"Yah, are you okay?" He asked, feeling her forehead and it felt a bit cold.

"I'm fine." She said, and got up from her seat. "Let's go... Oppa."

"Oh." Sunggyu got up as well and took her hand, walking her to the car. When he was driving, he asked her again whether she was fine but she only answered curtly. "I'm fine."

Eun-shil was flipping through a book slowly but she wasn't reading it. Her eyes were fixed on the number at the bottom of the pages as she flipped through, counting them in her head without a word. Sunggyu came in to take a look at her, watching her sitting up against the bed's head, absorbed in her book but then he noticed that she wasn't actually reading. He went up to her and touched her hand, and she looked at him but her gaze went through him, as if she couldn't see him properly.

"Eun-shil, is there something wrong?"

"Oppa..." Her lips moved a little. "Do you really love me?"

Sunggyu blinked at her rapidly and the back of her hand gently. "Of course I do."

"Really?" Her voice was a bit high.

"Really. Oppa loves Eun-shil very much." He said, smiling worriedly at her.

"Oppa."

"Yes?"

She was silent and was only looking at Sunggyu who stared back longingly at her. He squeezed her hand and heard the door bell and saw as Eun-shil's blank face turned unfocussed and rather... scared. He caressed her cheek, asked her to wait in her room as he went out of the door and greeted Woohyun. Woohyun beamed brightly and sanitized his hand, asking about Eun-shil.

"She's in her room..." Sunggyu didn't even know why his heart felt heavy looking at Woohyun that evening, as if Eun-shil's emotion had flowed into him as well. He followed him to Eun-shil's room but he waited outside, hurt by the sound of the closing door.

Woohyun stepped towards her bed briskly and sat on it. He watched Eun-shil's face that was looking at him in a strange way but she was smiling. Her eyes were glistening and she was just staring. Woohyun thought of nothing much as he inched his face closer to kiss her but her lips didn't move to greet his kiss back. He pulled back, looking at her questioningly.

"Why, Eun-shil-sshi, aren't you going to kiss me?" He asked, pouting.

Eun-shil wasn't smiling anymore. "Woohyun-ah."

"What... is it?" He stopped pouting, feeling the air tensed.

"Why do you care so much about me?" She asked, looking at him with gloomy eyes.

"Because I love you." He said, furrowing, sensing something was wrong.

As if she didn't hear his answer, she went on. "Is it guilt? Is it pity?"

"Eun-shil..."

"Is it regret?"

"Eun-shil, what are you talking about?"

"You said that you loved me." She said, taking a deep breath. "But you still see someone else, didn't you." It was not a question, Woohyun had observed and carefully, he held her shoulders.

"Eun-shil, what is going on? What are you talking about?"

"Don't lie... Please, don't lie." She said, weakly. "It's my fault. I couldn't even have with you... Of course you... You know, I tried to ignore it but when you came to me that night... I could smell the scent of that woman from you..."

"Eun-shil... No..."

"But I tried to