Jihoon had been stressed out during Taeil's release, getting him home, asking him how he was feeling non-stop. He'd been going on with it so much that Taeil eventually yelled at him. Jiho, who had been helping, had tried so hard to suppress his laughter that tears had clouded his eyes.

"Jihoon, people get released because it's nothing more the doctors can do. Which means he's ok," Jiho had reassured.

Jihoon had only pouted, complaining that Taeil was still too weak to do anything, which had earned him yet another glare from his boyfriend.

Jiho sighed, "Remember that thing you promised about not treating him like a helpless baby?"

"I know," Jihoon whined, "I'm sorry..."

After leaving their belongings at Taeil's place, as Jihoon was going to stay for the night, they headed down to the dog shelter. Meeting the dogs was the best medicine for Taeil, and with tears in his eyes he greeted the happy dogs, accepting wet kisses.

They took some of the dogs with them on a walk around the neighbourhood. Taeil was happy Jihoon didn't start any unnecessary discussions about what had happened, but instead just went on with the flow, treating the day just like any other day. It was nice just being, breathing fresh air, seeing the dogs wave their tails, walking hand in hand with Jihoon.

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, just walking the dogs had taken them around 2 hours. When they got home they'd ordered chinese takeout and watched a movie called "Hwayi". Jihoon had complained about the amount of bloody scenes, earning giggles from Taeil, who usually preferred these kind of movies.

When it was time for bed, Jihoon had gently embraced him, letting the smaller fall asleep against his chest for the first time since what felt like months.

* * *

"Have you tried to kill yourself before?" Yukwon asked bluntly the next day.

He had texted him, asking if he could come by for a cup of coffee. Jihoon had said he would go to Jiho's place so they could get some time alone. Taeil had just kissed Jihoon goodbye when Yukwon knocked on the door, excusing himself inside.

"Not really trying as in having it as a goal, no." Taeil answered truthfully.

"But you have hurt yourself before?"

"Yes," The answer was simple, and Taeil didn't see any meaning in lying, "Didn't do it deep enough to leave any scars before though," he continued.

Yukwon looked at him, and Taeil rolled his eyes, "Please don't look at me like you feel sorry for me. It's not an unusual thing to do, unfortunally."

"Unfortunally, I know," Yukwon sighed, "And I don't feel sorry for you, I just wish you hadn't started,"

"It feels good for the moment. People usually think it's their own fault they're feeling depressed or empty, so it's easier to just punish youself. You feel better afterwards,"

"Did you feel good when you woke up in the hospital last week?"

"No!" Taeil grunted, "I wasn't thinking straight, I just felt horrible towards Jihoon. Horrible for what I did with Minsoo, horrible that he found me by the store, horrible that he thought I was going to die,"

Yukwon sighed, putting his hand around Taeil's wounded wrist, "Will you do it again?"

Taeil hesitated, "I don't know."

"Jihoon think you will do it again," Yukwon added.

"I know," 

"Can you try not to?"

"I won't do it unless something happens," Taeil said, "I don't really want to do it, it just happens when I panic,"

Yukwon nodded his head, "You're strong, Taeil. You should believe in yourself. People always makes mistakes, you know that. And I think you already know that if you hurt yourself, Jihoon will hurt just as much as you. Even if you fight, or maybe if you even break up in the future, you can deal with it and process it with help from other things."

Taeil already knew this, and Yukwon probably knew that as well. But it was good to keep on reminding him, as it could easily slip away from his thoughts.

Yukwon continued, "If therapy isn't of any help, I can promise you that your friends will be there to help you. I will be there to help you. And you really should start appreciating Jaehyo more!"

Taeil laughed, and Yukwon took his hand, giving it a squeeze, "You're strong Taeil. Try not to belittle yourself."

~  ~  ~

"Are you sure you're ok?" Jiho asked Jihoon for the fourth time.

"The answer is still yes," Jihoon answered with a sigh, tapping away on Jiho's newly bought computer game.

Jiho studied him, "But you're clearly not ok,"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Jiho threw his hands up in frustration, "WELL, you just found out that your boyfriend is a selfharmer. He was ALSO ually abused by our friend. Oh, and he nearly ing died," 

Seemingly unaffected by Jiho's outburst, Jihoon answered with a calm tone, "Minsoo is not my friend, and Taeil survived. That's the only thing that counts."

"You're totally missing the point,"

"No, I'm not hyung,"

"Are you ing kidding me? Aren't you concerned about what may happen in the future?"

"That's something I have to deal with then,"

"The ?"

Jihoon slammed his fist against the desk, "I said, I'll deal with it then!! YES, he's a selfharmer and because of that he nearly killed himself! I'm not stupid enough to believe he's not going to do it again, but because of that I need to ignore what has already happened and concentrate on how to handle things daily from now on!"

He stopped to take a deep breath,

"I also know he didn't want to die, he wasn't trying to kill himself. I'm accepting the truth and it's only right to live on and act like a grown up. Stop nagging me like you're my ing mom."

"You know I'm only worried about you,"

"You don't need to worry about me, all you have to do is hope he gets better and go on with your own life,"

The cold tone in Jihoon's voice made Jiho frown, "Why are you-"

"I just need to make Taeil feel happy, and right now, all I want is to hold him close, be with him 24/7... I need to fix myself first though, and I don't know how,"

Jiho raised an eyebrow, "What do you need to fix?"

Jihoon drew a hand through his bleached hair, "I don't know, learn how to behave around him? I'm clearly messing up on that point."

Jiho sighed, "You know, I don't think you need to change anything. Like Taeil said, he can take care of himself. I think he just needs someone there with him, who can take the bad thoughts away, someone who's cheering him on, and you do that without even trying,"

"If I say something wrong though, he will get scared and hurt himself,"

"I think he's much stronger than you think. Especially now after this happened,"

"How would you know?" Jihoon snorted.

Jiho shrugged, "I don't. But I know that you put too much pressure onto yourself, and Taeil will notice that. If you act all careful, afraid to say the wrong things, Taeil will see right through you and get insecure. He'll probably get angry too,"

He put a hand on the younger's shoulder, "What you should do is just be yourself. Do what you want, take him out when he's having a bad day, kiss him, take him home to your parents. Just love him like you already do. That's the thing Taeil want, and that's what you should do,"

Jihoon looked at Jiho and nodded, it made sense, "Thank you hyung," 

Jiho grinned and poked his cheek.

Jihoon slapped his hand away, "Hyung, I think you also have to start taking care of your own life. I'm serious."

Jiho frowned once again, "What do you mean?"

"You seem kinda confused lately. Did something happen?"

Jiho gave him an awkward smile, "Nah, it's nothing," he got up to get himself something to drink.

"Do you have feelings for Kyung-hyung?" Jihoon pushed on, making Jiho stop in his tracks, "Is that it? Are you confused about your feelings for him?"

"It's not like that Jihoon, nothing is going on between us," he answered with a short laugh, proceeding to get his drink.

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A/N: Thank you all so much for reading as always <3 hugs and kisses