A/N: Finally the new chapter is here! I've gotten so many new subscribers while I've been away, and I couldn't be more happy. I love you all for liking my story!! I've been moving once again and is now living in Seoul ^^ It's amazing here, but school takes up a lot of time making it very difficult for me to find time to write. Now I've at least written a long chapter, which I really hope you all will like! I also hope you're all well and not getting sick in this autumn weather! I've been sick twice already... have fun reading~ ♥♥


-----------------------------------------------
 

I love you Jihoon..."

Taeil opened his eyes, blinking away the morning sunlight blinding him from the window, he was alone in Jihoon's bed, tucked down under the soft cover. A thud came to his heart as he rememberd last night with a smile and hugged the cover, inhaling Jihoon's scent. It felt too comfortable as he felt himself doze off once again.

"Good morning, beautiful," 

Jihoon's voice reached his ears.

"Breakfast is ready," Jihoon continued as Taeil opened his eyes, sitting up on the bed.

Jihoon was glowing in the sunlight and sat down behind him, giving him a hug, "Are you hungry?"

Taeil smiled at the touch, "Yeah."

"Did you sleep well?" Jihoon asked against his neck, giving it a sweet kiss.

Taeil nodded, then looked at the clock.

9 am.

Taeil gasped, ", my job!"

Jihoon giggled, "Don't worry, I called you in sick."

"What?" 

"You've been sleeping like a dead man, I couldn't wake you up. Not that I really tried to but you know," he hugged him closer, "My mum made us some breakfast as well, so we just need to re-heat it."

Taeil froze, sitting up straight, "Oh my god, your parents!"

"What about them?"

Taeil turned to stare at him, "Are they home now?!"

"No? They're leaving around 7am every morning,"

"D-did they s-see me or.. us, I mean, here on.. your bed?"

Jihoon looked at him, then burst out laughing.

Taeil rolled his eyes, "Why are you always laughing, isn't it tiring?"

"Of course they didn't come in here, why should they? My mum makes me breakfast every morning, so when she saw your belongings still being here she made you some as well. No big deal."

Taeil pouted, "Don't they think it's, you know, weird that I slept over?"

"Nope," Jihoon gave him a kiss, "Come on, let's eat."

Taeil sighed, "Still can't understand how you can be so calm about all this."

"Why?"

"I just feel like I'm the only one complaining,"

Jihoon bent down to pick up Taeil's oversized t-shirt, handing it to him, "It's ok for you to complain, I don't really mind, but you shouldn't think too much about it."

Taeil accepted the t-shirt and nodded.

Jihoon went downstairs, leaving Taeil to change into his clothes alone, before he too went down to get breakfast. It was delicious. Taeil had never been a breakfast-person, and didn't put much effort in doing some when he was at home. The only time he really did eat a "normal" breakfast was when his mother had made him some when he was young, and sometimes Jina invited him for it at the dog shelter. Of course he missed the warm feeling of having a cosy calm breakfast in the morning, who didn't? Especially when the smell of freshly brewed coffee lingered in the air.

He sipped the hot coffee and watched Jihoon eat his food with delight, Taeil smiled, "Taste good?"

"Yes! My mum's cooking is the best!" the younger beamed, "She will no doubt cook for you everytime you get here, so be prepared to love it as well."

Taeil took another sip, "I already do, it's very good."

"Then I hope you'll come often," Jihoon added, "I like seeing you eat."

"Why?"

"I just like seeing skinny people eat."

Taeil snorted, "Weird."

Jihoon shrugged, "Don't you think you're skinny?"

"I don't know, maybe? Haven't really thougth about it."

"You are, and you should eat more."

Taeil laughed, "Maybe?"

They went silent, enjoying the meal, exchanging smiles and gazes once in a while. Jihoon later stood up to wash the dishes as Taeil started to clean up the table and when they were done they sat down on the sofa, turning on the TV to watch some re-run variety show.

Jihoon pulled the smaller into his embrace, "You were so beautiful last night," he said, "I hope I didn't hurt you that much."

Taeil shook his head as he felt the heat raise to his cheeks, "I'm ok."

Jihoon kissed his head, "Thank you, Taeil."

"Thank you?"

"For trusting me and letting me come close to you. I'm happy that you entrusted me to do that with you," Jihoon turned Taeil around to face him as he caressed his cheek, "And thank you for saying that you love me."

Taeil's heart was racing, in some way he had hoped that the other didn't hear him. He had been in such a daze and Jihoon hadn't answered, he couldn't really remember what had happened after his anyway. He looked down and let his head fall against Jihoon's broad chest.

Jihoon stayed silent for a while, holding Taeil close to him. 

Taeil couldn't think of anything to say, did he really love him? Or was is just something that came out alongside the cloud of ecstasy? He couldn't really tell.

Jihoon pulled him forward and looked at the other, then broke the embrace and moved to sit beside Taeil instead.

Taeil studied him, "Are you angry?"

"No, why?" Jihoon shrugged.

"Why are you angry?"

"I just told you I'm not,"

Taeil sighed, Jihoon was clearly upset and this time it was Taeil's fault and he knew it. 

Jihoon zapped through the channels, "Do you want to go somewhere today?" he asked.

"Um, what?"

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

"I heard you... But why?"

"Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?"

Taeil noticed the slight tone of irony, "Jihoon, what-"

But the younger stood up, "I'm just going out to by some fruits, I'll be back soon."

Taeil stood up as well, "But-"

"Stay here," he said and walked out of the door.

Taeil stared at the door, the silence was pounding in his head. He left.

Jihoon swore as he went down the road, picking up his phone.

' Hello? ' 

"Yukwon-hyung, I don't understand."

' You don't understand what? '

"Taeil! We did it for the first time yesterday, and he told me he loved me, but now he can't even say anything and I just get the feeling that he doesn't love me at all anyway and is still uncertain and will disappear soon."

' He's still afraid, Jihoon. Try to understand him. '

"What should I understand?! Him letting me get so close to him is him letting me understand, no? He said that he loved me, and he doesn't even use that phrase to anyone, but he said it to me! I just feel betrayed? Or I don't? I don't really know, I don't want to get angry with him but-"

' You're pretty angry right now though. '

"Of course I am! Because I can't understand him no matter how much I try!"

' Jihoon, you know how hard it was for Minhyuk, don't you? It's been years since we started going out, but some things are still tricky for us. No relationship is a dream. '

"I know, but-"

' No, you don't. This relationship with Taeil is the first one that you've managed to keep going. You two fit together very well, but you're too eager to make it perfect. '

"Don't you know how long I've waited for him? I'm not eager, I take it slow!"

' Listen to me. Don't make this about you. Taeil hasn't even accepted himself yet, he doesn't understand why you would want him in his life. '

"I know!"

' NO, you don't! Taeil is depressed, he has probably been on the verge of suicide as well. Just because you want to be some kind of knight in shining armour doesn't mean that you alone can change him. His life and thoughts will not be able to turn to the better just over a few months. People who are depressed, or have been depressed, are working on themselves every day to feel good, and fighting for the will to love themselves. It's easy for people to fall into the trap of wanting to save a person with problems, but it takes a whole lot of more work than people seem to understand.'

Yukwon sighed through the phone, and Jihoon's steps halted.

'I told you to be careful around him, because every little thing you say can be translated different to him. Everything you do can be interpreted in another way. Even if you say you love him thousands of times, he will not believe it nor understand why you could possibly love someone like him. I agree with you that him saying he loves you is a big thing! I'm happy to hear that, because if he said that to you I really believe he meant it, Jihoon. But don't, ever, force him to say it again. And don't force up the topic either. '

Tears fell from Jihoon's eyes, 

' You don't have to understand everything all the time. And even though you think it has been a long time since you started dating, maybe for him, it's not. Just focus on making him happy and more open to himself, rather than wanting to hear certain words coming from his mouth. You're an expert in making people laugh, Jihoon. So make him laugh a lot, make him comfortable, and in time you will feel that he loves you more as well. '

Jihoon brushed his tears away with his sleeve, taking a deep breath, "Hyung, why does it have to be this difficult?"

Yukwon laughed, ' Have you ever heard anyone say that love is easy? '

"No, but I wanted it to be."

' Just let it take its time if you want to be with him. '

"Of course I want to be with him,"

' Yes, but it can take years Jihoon-ah, '

"I know,"

' Then don't get angry over things like this, '

"Ah, hyung..." Jihoon whined.

' You don't have to accept what he does, just understand it, ok? '

"Ok," Jihoon sighed, "Thank you, hyung. You're the only one who's  good at things like this."

' I just want it to work out between you two. '

Jihoon smiled, "I know,"

' Are you with him now? '

"No, I left him home and went outside to call you,"

' Did you show him that you were angry? '

"Um, yeah he noticed, but I didn't want to argue so I-"

' I understand, but try not to leave him alone. You know he hates people leaving. Especially leaving without any explanation. '

", yes, I know," he turned to walk back to his house, "I'm going back to him now."

' Ok, good. Just one more thing, Jihoon. Next time talk to him and not me, or think about what he might be thinking and maybe you'll understand. '

"Ok, hyung, I get it. Thank you so much."

' Good luck. '

Jihoon turned off the call as he started running towards the house.

Taeil sat on the floor of Jihoon's bedroom, back resting against the wall. Jihoon had been away for half an hour and Taeil had already packed his stuff, ready to leave and go home. It would be like this, right? Someone would say that they love you, then have with you, then leave. He sighed, Was Jihoon really like this?  If he was going to get dumped after , he would've asked him to go right when they woke up, not tell him to stay? But.. he did leave though, buying fruits didn't take 30min, especially when the store was close by. 

'I should just leave', he thought to himself, but made no effort to move, he didn't want to. Being inside Jihoon's house made him feel good and the smell in Jihoon's room made his heart warm. He bent his head down to rest on his knees, taking a deep breath.

Right then the door opened, "Taeil?!"

Taeil looked up, "Jihoon?"

"Taeil, where are you?!"

He heard the younger throw his shoes off, searching for him on the first floor.

", did he leave? Taeil?!"

The older heard him run up the stairs, and he quickly let his head fall down again, not wanting to face the other, for reasons he himself didn't know.

Jihoon stopped at the doorstep, and soon Taeil was pulled up from the floor into the tallers' embrace.

"I thought you left."

"I'm sorry," Taeil whispered against Jihoon's chest, "I'm so sorry,"

"No," Jihoon said sternly and pulled away, "You haven't done anything wrong."

"No Jihoon, I'm sorr-"

Jihoon silenced him, "Let's just forget about this. I'm sorry I left you here alone, I shouldn't have done that. Also I didn't buy any fruit, I called Yukwon."

Taeil looked down, "You talked about me?"

"Hyung, I think Yukwon-hyung understands you well. He thinks and analyzes a lot, and I'm very amazed by his way of reading people. I wish I was the same. He lectured me,"

"Am I that complicated?"

Jihoon paused for a few seconds, "You are complicated," he confessed, "That's why I needed to talk to him and I need to talk to you as well, but I don't want to force you onto it," 

He kissed the top of Taeil head, "So I'm the one that's sorry."

Taeil sighed, "Jihoon, maybe this is too hard for both of us..."

Jihoon backed off, "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I know I'm too complicated, and I know that you can be much more happy with someone else. I'm very happy when I am with you, and last nigth was really good or else I wouldn't have said that. But maybe we're not ready."

"Not ready for what?"

Taeil hesitated and looked up, "To be together."

Jihoon stared at him, millions of thoughts crossing his mind, as Taeil continued.

"When you left before I understood that I had done something wrong, but I couldn't understand what. While everything was good just seconds before, it suddenly turned for the worse. I'm not good with expressing my feelings to people, and you're too greedy to hear beautiful words which I can't say to you. It becomes a burden to both of us.

"Do you want us to break up?"

"I want you to be happy."

"I am happy."

"You're not! Right now you're only taking care of me, Jihoon. You're only searching for things to make me happy, not make you yourself happy. I don't want to be that burden to you. I wish we met under different circumstances where I was normal, then everything would've been so much easier, and you would've been so much more happier as well."

Jihoon grabbed the other's shoulders, "Nothing is wrong with us now." 

"But it hurts!" Taeil yelled, "It hurts me so much to see you get angry and suffer because of me!" he pushed the younger away, "This is not how a relationship is supposed to be!"

"No relationship is perfect, Taeil. We just need time to understand each other, we-"

"You won't stay for that long," Taeil whispered.

"What?"

"You will get tired and annoyed of trying to understand me, I know that already."

Jihoon sighed, "No, I will work hard to-"

"Work hard to understand me? Can't you hear youself? Can't you see how much of a burden I am to you? I'm an obstacle to you. I just want the person I like to be happy and do what he loves-"

"But I said I'm happy when I am with you!"

"No!" Taeil threw a nearby pillow at the other, "Please understand!" he hid his face in his hand, crying out loudly.

Jihoon tried to pull him against him, but Taeil brushed him off once more, "Please don't do this," he comforted in a low voice, "Taeil, please."

"I'm saving you now, please understand..." Taeil said, and turned to walk out.

Jihoon grabbed his arm, "Didn't you mean aything you said last night?"

"I did."

"Then why the are you breaking up with me?!"

Taeil turned to face him, "Because you're important to me."

Jihoon stared at him, and Taeil tiptoed to kiss him one last time, "Thank you," he whispered, before he went downstairs, soon closing the front door behind him.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A/N II: I'm sorry for making them argue again... Love y'all!♥