A/N: Hi everyone~ Hope you all had a nice & cozy Christmas & a fun New Years eve with beloved ones :)
Once again thank you for all your comments and subscriptions♥ I'm so grateful!

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About a month later Taeil had texted Jihoon, asking him if he could come to his apartment later that day. Maybe he'd written the text too serious, since Jihoon answered within seconds with worry, asking if something happened. Taeil had smiled, but answered back that no, he just wanted to talk.

He had become more at ease around the younger as the time had gone by, he also talked to Jihoon's friends a lot more. To his own surprisement he and Jiho had gotten a lot closer, finding out they had things in common. More surprising though was that Jihoon didn't like it at all, even throwing a fit, screaming at Jiho for stealing his boyfriend about a week ago after a few glasses of beer.

Boyfriend. The word no longer made Taeil terrified or uncertain, and that was why he had boosted up his courage, taking the decision to open up to Jihoon. He had dragged this out long enough and he felt like he needed to tell Jihoon, at least something. Their "relationship" was getting close to seven months and they were going forward slower than ever. Mainly, Taeil thought, was because he himself was too afraid to open up.

Jihoon didn't ask for , not any intimacy at all to be completely honest. He didn't ask him questions about his past anymore, nor did he act lovey-dovey with him in front of his friends. He had changed, probably thinking that was what Taeil wanted. But everything just made Taeil insecure, since that was not how it all had started. Maybe he was tired of not getting anywhere, tired of Taeil being afraid and so easily getting irritated.

Taeil had started to regret a lot of things and now when he seeked attention, more affection, Jihoon didn't give it to him. Some days ago they cuddled while watching a movie, and Taeil had started kissing Jihoon's neck, slowly trying to take it further but Jihoon had stopped him saying he didn't have to, and smiled that loving smile Taeil's heart had growned to really like.

After a while it was a knock on the door and Taeil flew up from the couch, taking a deep breath before opening it.

He was met by Jihoon's gleaming face, "Hi babe,"

Taeil smiled, feeling nauseous by how nervous he was.

Jihoon closed the door behind him, "What's up? Are you sure you're ok? You look kinda.." he put a hand on Taeil's forhead, "No fever?"

"I'm not sick," Taeil rolled his eyes and motioned for Jihoon to come inside, "Want tea or something?"

"Sure! If you still got the green mango?"

They both went into the bright kitchen and Taeil started the water boiler.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Jihoon repeated, concerned.

"YES!" Taeil laughed, "Don't worry, I just wanted to talk about a few things with you."

"You're not moving away are you?"

"No!"

"Did you find a girlfriend?"

Taeil raised an eyebrow, "No."

"Are you dating Jiho?"

"What?! No!"

Jihoon smirked, "I'm kidding,"

"You're not kidding."

The boiler gave off a click, declaring the water boiled and Jihoon took down the light pink cup with checkered pattern he'd grown to love from the cupboard, also the large black cup with a rottweiler print he knew was Taeil's favorite.

"Here," he said and Taeil poured water into the cups and lowered down the teabags.

They headed back into the living room and sat down on the couch. Taeil was slightly shaking, nervous for what he was about to tell.

"Jihoon," he started, getting the younger's attention. "I need to talk about some thing."

Jihoon nodded, eyes fully focused on him.

Taeil took a deep breath, "I think I should tell you about what's been going on in my life."

Jihoon's face turned serious, "You don't have to, you know that, I can wait,"

"It's ok Jihoon, I don't want to wait anymore," he swallowed, "I feel like I need to tell you because I feel like you've been drifting away from me."

"Huh? I've never-"

Taeil smiled, "Don't worry, just let me talk now ok?"

Jihoon nodded and looked at the other carefully.

"First off, I have big problems with trusting people which you've obviously noticed. I can't open myself up, because I feel everything is just going to get thrown back at me. People have always left me behind, not caring at all or just chosen somebody else over me," he started, "No, I don't have a good relationship with my family. My dad hit me a lot, even though my mum protested. I thought my mum cared for me because of that, but when I needed her she was never there, she didn't want to. I have a little brother too, and he was their favorite, always getting attention first being the good kid he was. He's the only one I can say I love from my family, since he was the only one that wanted to talk to me."

Jihoon took his hand, giving it a squeeze as Taeil's voice cracked, but the older held his pose and continued;

"Maybe because of that I threw myself into alcohol and music. Me and my best friend, who also had problems at home was always with me, stealing beer, chasing girls and taking trains back and forth to see our favorite bands live shows. Even though we were punks, I could talk with him about anything."

He paused, pain shooting through his chest.

"We planned on going abroad together after graduation, but in the end he went by himself without me. I got hurt, but he told me he would wait for me and I believed him. But after some time he changed, loving his new life there without me and in time we stopped talking. The other guys we hang around with also stopped contacting me and I was left alone. After I lost him, I sort of went through a deep sorrow and didn't come out of it until a few months ago."

He looked at Jihoon and saw the tears the younger tried so hard to hold back, all to appear strong for him.

"You remember before Kyung's party when I called you to come over earlier?"

The younger nodded.

"Before that, I met him by accident in the store."

"That friend?"

"Yes. He was there with a foreign girl and he saw me."

"Did you talk to him?"

"Kind of. He made fun of me and think I swore at him before I ran away, I can't really remember. That's when I called you."

Jihoon looked horrified as the past event got an explanation.

"Is that's why you were so..?"

Taeil nodded, "I hoped to never see him again."

"I'm sorry," Jihoon whispered.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't know anthing."

Jihoon shrugged, "I'm just sorry for you, and everything you've been through."

"I don't want anyone to pity me, that's partly why I don't tell people about it," Taeil stated, "I just wanted you to know."

Jihoon looked at him with those eyes.

Taeil sighed, "I said don't feel sorry for me."

"You're not contacting your parents at all?" the younger asked.

Taeil shook his head, "Not really. My brother sends me a message a few times a month, and mum calls me on my birthdays."

"What about your dad?"

Taeil snorted, "Haven't talked to him since I moved out from there."

Jihoon looked hurt, "How can a family do that?"

"People have it worse than me at home though," Taeil said, "I don't mind being away from my parents since I haven't felt like their son since I was 5 years old."

Jihoon fell silent, intertwining their fingers.

"That's all," Taeil looked down at their hands, "that I wanted to say."

He exhaled and smiled to himself as Jihoon pulled him into his arms.

"Thank you for telling me," he whispered, kissing the smaller's head.

Taeil let himself be hugged, staying in the embrace for a minutes. Jihoon was caressing his back in soothing motions as Taeil hugged him closely around the neck, one hand tracing through the blond thick hair.

"There's another thing I want to talk about, Jihoon," Taeil said quietly.

"Hm?"

He straightened up, sitting on Jihoon's lap facing him, "It's about us,"

Jihoon looked confused, "About us?"

Taeil looked at him, "I know you like me and all but lately you've... well, we don't get intimate anymore," he felt the embarrassment coloring his cheeks, "Why?"

Jihoon hesitated, "I didn't think you..,"

"Is it because of me?"

Jihoon pouted, "I though you didn't want to. That we were already taking it too far,"

"Maybe I did, but what about you? Do you still want to, you know..?"

"Taeil," he sighed, "Forcing myself to try not to touch you everytime wasn't a piece of cake!" he smiled, "Of course I still want to touch my boyfriend, why wouldn't I?"

"Ok," Taeil bit his lip, "Because, um, I'm ready."

Jihoon eyed him carefully.

"I'm ready to take this to the next level," Taeil continued, "I'm not afraid anymore."

Jihoon his cheek, "Taeil, you don't need to do this because of me,"

"I'm not!" he answered, placing his own hand of top of Jihoon's on his cheek, "I'm serious, I want to. Maybe not tonight, but I'm ready."

"Really?" Jihoon still didn't looked convinced.

"Yes,"

Then Jihoon smiled and Taeil smiled back, hugging his boyfriend tightly once again and somehow it felt different - there was an energy of excitement building up inside him and he giggled, pullling back to place a sweet kiss on Jihoon's lips.

"Maybe we should re-heat the tea," he said and Jihoon laughed.

"I totally forgot about it!"