"Taeil, I'm so sorry for what happened," Kyung said, "I never thought Minsoo would do such a thing, we've been friends since high school and he never..,"

Taeil cut him off, "I've told you it's not your fault. You had nothing to do about it,"

Kyung pouted, "I know, but it still feels like it? He's my friend, and I introduced you to him."

Jiho rolled his eyes, "You're such a girl,"

Kyung glared at him as Taeil giggled, "Can't you care about someone and be emotional just because you're a guy?"

It had been a day since Taeil had been admitted. The doctor had wanted to keep him in for another day to recover, and to keep an eye on both his wounds and mental state. He was still weak, but had enough energy to talk and sit up by his own. The doctor had told him that they had done their best while treating his cuts, so that it wouldn't leave too big of a scar, but nothing could be promised as the scars where still pretty deep and thick. Taeil was prepared for white bulgy scars anyway, he didn't really care, it was his own doing - mistake or not - it would remind him of the moment of wanting to give up and waking up being happy to be alive. In some way, it could be seen as a morbid token that he could and was saved.

Jihoon had stayed by his side all the time, watching the nurses clean the cuts, change IV and taking notes. Taeil had overheard a nurse asking him outside his room why he was so eager to learn, and he had heard Jihoon answer that he thought it was important to know. Because if something like this happened again, he could help him faster. 

The answer hit Taeil's heart like a truck. Guilt - because of what happened, and sadness - because Jihoon didn't leave out the fact that this could indeed happen again. Even if he was happy for being alive right now, he couldn't promise anything. Once you start self-harming in some way, it's like you're trapped on a dark road you're afraid of turning away from.

Jihoon had asked Jiho and Kyung to tell their other friends, including Jaehyo, not to bother coming to the hospital. Taeil wanted to meet them when he was better again after his release. Jihoon though, wasn't too eager about meeting Jaehyo again, since he blamed was happened partly on him. Jiho was the same and kept on mumbling 'if that Jaehyo had been a ing true friend, he would never had let him walk out that door'. Of course they said nothing about this when Taeil was around, since both of them knew that Taeil never would blame anyone other than himself.

Jiho and Kyung had gone out to buy them all some coffee and snacks when Jiho stopped halfway down the hallway,

"Can't we sit down for a bit?"

Kyung looked at him, "Why? Are you tired already old man?"

"I'm serious, let's just sit down for awhile," he said and took Kyung's hand, dragging him out of the building, sitting down at one of the wooden benches.

Kyung was frowning now, "Is something wrong?"

Jiho looked at him, "How are you feeling?"

"What?"

"You've been acting strange ever since this happened. You're spacing out and, I swear to God, I've never seen you being this quiet before," Jiho paused, "First I thought it was because you felt guilty about Minsoo, but Taeil has already told you not to blame yourself, so why are you still like this?"

Kyung sighed.

"You're clearly hiding something. And what you're hiding is obviously not a good thing, accordning to your facial expressions,"

He stopped and looked at his friend, who was staring at the groud. Jiho scooted closer,

"You never keep secrets from me, remember?"

Kyung scratched his hand, "I just don't like being here,"

"Because of the guilt?"

"I don't mean that Jiho. It's the hospital. The white sterilized walls, the smell, the sick people, nurses, doctors, alarms ringing back and forth... It makes me sick."

"Why?"

Kyung looked up at him, "I just- I don't know..."

"You do know, so say it."

Kyung rolled his eyes, "You know I've always had a lot of nightmares right?" Jiho nodded, "Well, they all take place inside hospitals. Always. People with ed up faces trying to capture me, doctors holding me down attacking me with needles and operation tools. Blood, diseases and death everywhere. I just can't stand it."

Jiho took Kyung's hand and gave it a squeeze. He knew about the nightmares, he'd had them as long as he could remember. But he had never told him what they had been about. Jiho didn't think it had mattered, since nightmares - no matter what kind - were scary and a sensitive topic. And since he'd comforted Kyung at sleepovers now and then, asking about them wouldn't really help the comfort. 

"If you want we can go home?" Jiho started, "Jihoon and Taeil wouldn't mind us going back home anyway."

Kyung shook his head, "I don't want to go home, I can take it."

"Obviously you can't," Jiho sighed, "Why is everyone trying so hard to act strong when they're not?"

Kyung snorted, "Who are you to say that?"

"Hey, I'm strong? I'm not lying about it," Jiho defended himself.

"You are literally drowning in insecurities, don't with me," Kyung said, "Don't even try."

Jiho sighed again, "Well..."

They fell silent, watching nurses taking patients on small walks in the sunlight. Also a family sitting across them with an elder man on a wheelchair smiling and clapping at his granddaughter who was dancing in front of him. Jiho looked at Kyung watching the family with a smile,

"Not only bad things happen here," Jiho said.

Kyung turned around, listening to him.

"People are saved here, reuniting with their family and friends. People bring happiness to each other. Do you see anyone out here who are not smiling?"

Both of them looked around, and Kyung shook his head as Jiho continued, "Think about all the good things a hospital can bring. If it wasn't for this hospital, the girl over there wouldn't be here dancing for her grandfather. Hospitals aren't just about death, it's about life as well. Taeil survived, and all these patients are thankfully alive, or fighting to survive." 

Kyung looked Jiho's smiling face.

"So don't be afraid, because your nightmares are wrong," Jiho finished, giving Kyung's hand another squeeze. 

Kyung smiled back at the other. Even if Jiho was kind of unique and plain stupid sometimes, he usually gave the best advices. He was an amazing person after all. 

"Thank you," Kyung said quietly.

Still holding onto Jiho's hand he moved closer and kissed him. Before not really understanding why he did it, he placed his hands on Jiho's cheeks, pushing him closer as the other made no movement to push him away.

Jiho's arms were slowly wrapping around him, and Kyung dared to open his mouth, Jiho's plump lower lip. Jiho kissed him back slowly, tongues sliding against each other, lips parting only to change the angle every so slightly. Kyung felt himself blush at Jiho's skills, and a shiver ran down his spine as Jiho took hold of his neck to deepen the kiss even more.

He didn't know how long the kiss lasted, but after a while he reluctantly pulled away to stare at the other for a few seconds,

"What was that for?" Jiho asked in a raspy voice.

Yeah, what was that for Kyung? his head repeated, "I don't know," he answered, "It just felt like one of those 'and-now-they-kiss' moments at the movies, you know?"

Jiho looked dumbfounded, "What?"

"I'm sorry," Kyung said and stood up, "We should go buy that coffee now anyway, let's go."

Jiho watched his friend head back inside the hospital. He felt way too calm for his liking. Why didn't he freak out? His heart should be racing either out of ecstasy or disgust, but he felt nothing. Was it because they had kissed before? Because they had been friends for so long? One fact though was that Kyung was a good kisser, the girls he'd been with had been lucky. He'd always heard the girls in his classes complain about how bad kissers guys were...

"Are you coming?!" he heard Kyung scream from the entrance.

"Yeah yeah," he waved faintly and he saw Kyung rolling his eyes - as he always did.

He looked around as he stood up and froze in his spot, taken aback by the fact that pretty much everyone around was staring at him in shock. Shame washed over him and he wanted to disappear for the first time in his life.

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