Chapter Five

Within the past few weeks, he noticed changes on her. Her usual smiles that are filled with brightness were dimming as days passed by. At first, he thought that it would be just exhaustion from their practices and that a good rest would serve its purpose but he was wrong. Her smiles were cold and filled with emptiness.

His heart felt restricted and pierced by a thousand needles just watching her smile. It was like a big effort to smile for her. And it hurts him for not being able to help her. It hurts him that she was hiding something from him.

He can feel that she was hiding something from him. He wanted to know what the things she was thinking are and what are the things that were burdening her. He wanted to asked her about it but he decided not to. He would wait for the day that she would tell him.

It was hurting him but he can wait.

If she doesn’t want to tell him yet, he would let her be. He would just do what he can do at the moment and that was to give her support. To be with her and make her feel that she was not alone. He would let her feel his love until she would start opening up her heart again to him.

“Hmmm…” Dara moaned while she was sleeping on his lap.

He looked down and watched her face winced as if she was in a terrible pain, as if she was having a bad dream. Waves of concern filled his heart and he gently caressed her cheeks, trying to calm her down.

Gently, slowly and lovingly.

“Jiyong-ah…” Dara called out his name in a pleading manner.

“Dara-ah…” He whispered her name and continued to caress her cheeks.

“Don’t leave me… please…” Dara mumbled in her sleep, surprising him with those words.  “I’m sorry Jiyong-ah…”

“Ssh… No, I won’t leave…” He whispered as he slightly lifted her a bit to change her positions.

She continued to mumble in her sleep and pleading to the Jiyong on her dreams to not leave her. It was confusing him and there was this urge inside of him that wanted to know what her dream was about. She continued to call out his name with a voice strained with pain. He grabbed her hand and held it, squeezing it lightly.

“Ssh, listen to me baby… I won’t leave by your side… I’m just here…” He whispered as he leaned down towards her and hugged her tightly. “Sssh, I’m just here… I’ll always be here.”

He kept on whispering those words until she was able to calm down. Until she stopped pleading for him to stay. He knew that she was hurting and he cannot seem to do anything. He cannot do anything in his power to stop from her hurting.

He can feel his eyes started to get watery but he held it in. He doesn’t want to cry or rather, he cannot simply cry. He doesn’t want to add up to her problems and if by pretending to be cheerful can ease her pain, he would do it unwillingly.

For her, he can do everything and anything with his power.

Just for her.

It was nighttime and they were at his room. She was staring at the moon by the window and watched it as she wished for everything to be alright. She breathed in a few times and closed her eyes to feel the cold night breeze. She was on that position when she felt arms wrapping around her waist from behind. She smiled as she knew who the owner of the arms wrapping around her.

“Jiyong-ah…” She whispered his name lovingly.

He didn’t say anything in response as he rested his chin on top of her shoulders and his arms wrapped around tightly. Softly, he blew air on her ears and send tingly feelings. Then, later on, he was planting light kisses on her ears and he even bit the tip of it, making her moan his name.

She placed her hand on top of his head and pushing down his head, guiding it towards her neck. His lips trailed towards the curve of her neck and nibbling her skin once in a while. Her heart beat started to beat faster and a sensation of heat was building up inside of her. She felt his hands caressing her tummy until one of his hands cupped her and kneaded it gently, arousing her and igniting the passion in her.

“Jiyong-ah…” She whispered his name, gasping for air.

“Dara-ah…” Jiyong moaned her name in between his kisses to her neck towards the nape of it. “Dara-ah…”

He continued whispering her name while kissing her skin with butterfly kisses, slightly tickling and teasing her, thus, igniting the little fire inside of her.

He slowly turned around and as soon as their eyes met, he kissed her on the lips. Needy, passionate and hungry. One hand was on her nape, supporting her head and giving her better access to her lips while the other hand was busy kneading one of her .

“Hmm…. Jiyong-ah…” She moaned as his hands traveled from her to her tummy.

His hands were gently caressing for a few seconds in a circular motion. It took about a few seconds more when he suddenly noticed something different from her usual flat tummy. He stopped caressing her and looked at her with horrified expression on his face.

“D-dara?” Jiyong called out her name as if asking her for answers to questions that he wanted to ask.

She gulped a few times and looked away from him.

“No… No… You cannot be—“ Jiyong uttered and shook his head.

“I’m sorry….” She apologized and tears were forming on her eyes.

“H…how? I… I don’t know….” Jiyong uttered and stepped back, putting distance between the two of them. “I don’t know what to s…say.”

“I’m preg—“ She was about to inform him about it when he put his two fingers on her lips and silencing her.

“Don’t say another word… Not another word.’ Jiyong exclaimed as if a pail of water was thrown at him. His eyes speak with fear and disgust as he lifted her shirt and saw the round tummy. The round tummy indicating of her pregnancy.

“Jiyong-ah… please…” She whispered pleadingly.

“I… don’t know.” Jiyong said and turned his back.

“Please don’t leave me, Jiyong-ah…” She called out to him and thrown herself at his back. Her arms wrapping around his body. “Don’t leave me, please…”

She can feel his muscles stiffened and her heart broke a thousand pieces when he struggled to free himself from her tight hold. He stepped away and walked away. He walked away without looking back.

And all she can do was to cry as she repeatedly called his name out loud.

She was hurting.

It was so painful that she cannot take it anymore.

Tears are freely flowing on her cheeks. Her whole soul was crushed that she felt herself being pulled into a big black hole of self-pity.

“Baby… Ssh, I won’t leave by your side…” A familiar voice filled with concern, love and warmth keep on telling her. “I would never leave your side…”

She wanted to ignore the voice but it kept on calling out to her. To her annoyance, she opened her eyes and…

Her eyes blinked a few times as she tried to get used to the light. She felt soft breathing on her neck and when she slowly turned around, she saw his sleeping face. Her heart went out for him with his position. He has fallen asleep sitting up and his head was resting on the nook of her neck.

He must be tired and uncomfortable from his position yet he managed. For he doesn’t want her to wake up.

“Dara… Baby...” Jiyong mumbled in his sleep. “I won’t ever leave you… I swear…”

A timid smile formed on her lips. Even in his dreams, he was still taking care of her and she noticed his hand was holding tightly on her hand, gently squeezing it.

“I love you, jagiya…” Jiyong mumbled and a playful smile formed on his lips.

She sighed and flicked his forehead gently and carefully as she doesn’t want to wake her up.

“I love you too…” She whispered and caressed his cheeks. “Thank you…”

With that, she closed her eyes again and fell asleep once again in his lap. Just for a while, she wanted forget her worries and burdens. Just for this time, she wanted to be selfish and enjoy this moment with him. Just for now, she wanted to be with him until she can.

Just for now…

It has been days since they were able to meet up and finally, she was able to ambush him after one of his schedules. She remembered on how she bugged his manager and the other members to get his schedule. She knew that he was trying to avoid her for unknown reason. He would often tell her that he was just busy and exhausted to meet up but she knew better.

She already had this nagging feeling on what was happening now but she still chose to believe in him. Not because she wanted to but because that’s the only thing she can do now.

She saw him went out the recording room of Teddy and that’s when she suddenly popped up and bumped into him.

“Tabi!” She exclaimed in pretense surprise. With a force smile, she added, “It has been a long time since we last met.”

“Noona..” Seunghyun slipped up.

“Noona?” She asked with a horrified look on her face. “Did I hear it right?  You just called me a noona.”

When was it? When was the last time he called her by that honorific?

Has it not been such a long time already? Ever since they started dating, he wasn’t calling her a noona for the longest time whenever they were alone. Or when they were with their friends and now, he just called her a noona. A simple slip up but causes a stir on her already doubting heart.

“Did you just call me a noona?” She asked again, hoping that she misheard it or rather wishing he would deny it.

“I’m sorry… I slipped up.” Seunghyun answered and bit his lower lip. A flash of guilt flashed across his face for a second and she was able to take note of it.

She looked at his face and tried searching for anything that would tell her not to doubt him. As if she was trying to ask for any assurance on his end but she never found it. She tugged on his sleeves and in her little voice, she asked, “Can we talk, Seunghyun?”

She saw him looked at his wristwatch and his face were filled with reluctance as he nodded.

“Just a short chat?” Seunghyun asked and lead her to the cafeteria.

Fortunately, there were few people in the cafeteria today. Probably because most of the people were out during weekends, she’s still a bit lucky. He pulled out a chair for her, like a gentleman he was before occupying the seat opposite of hers.

“So what is this about?” Seunghyun asked directly and rested his chin on his hand.

She looked at him and she was rendered motionless. She has a lot of things to say to him but words are not coming out of . She was just there in front of him and stupidly looking at him.

“I… I just miss you.” She finally managed to say and wanted to knock herself out for her lame answer.

His mouth formed an ‘oh’ and smiled a bit.

“I miss you too.” Seunghyun replied smoothly.

She felt her heart skipped a beat with his response. She was about to ask him on how was he for the past few days when his phone rang. She saw his face turned pale when he looked at the screen of his phone.

“Who’s that?” She asked curiously and tried to peek at the screen but he was able to hide it quickly.

“Uh, my manager… I have another schedule to attend.” Seunghyun answered without looking into her eyes. “Would this be the only thing you were worrying about?”

She nodded slowly.

“Then, I have to leave now… Take care, okay?” Seunghyun exclaimed and stood up to leave. “Will see you when I have time… Okay?”

She nodded and smiled sadly as she watched him walk away.

Her eyes followed the man whom she fell in love with.

With soft voice, she asked in the air, “I just wanted to ask are we okay?”

She closed her eyes and a tear drop from her right eye.

“Are we still okay, Seunghyun?”

She was at the recording room at the time when she saw the eldest member of their group standing just outside and talking to the eldest member of Big Bang. She can feel the tenseness of the situation and she wanted to listen to them but she cannot. The room was too locked out that it would be a bit hard.

But basing on the situation, it seems like it was important that they even have to leave for another place that offers more privacy for the both of them. Her eyes were focused on them that she did forget about him.

“Chaerin?” Teddy called out her name which made her look.

“Yes, oppa?” She answered in a flirty manner.

“Did you hear the instrumental?” Teddy asked and tapped his fingers on the table.

She nodded weakly when she remembered why she was here.

“So what do you think about it?” Teddy asked.

“Cool. Very reminiscent of our debut days… but how would be the line distribution?” She asked without wasting any time.

“That would be Kush’s job though.” Teddy answered uninterestedly.

She bit her lower lip and leaned forward towards Teddy, showing a bit of her cleavage. With one finger, she placed it on his chest and slowly traced his body with it.

“I want the cool parts, oppa.” She cooed and blew air on his ears, arousing the older guy.

“I told you, it was K—“ Teddy exclaimed but was hushed when her lips captured his and her finger traced down towards the bulge on his pants. “Chaerin!”

“Ssh, oppa…” She whispered seductively. “I know how you feel now. I can help…”

“This is wrong…” Teddy stuttered and gulped as her hands were caressing the bulge, making it twice harder for him. “Chaerin…. Ugh, I’ll… see what I can do…”

“You have to promise me, oppa…” She whispered in between her kisses and continued to knead his bulge. “Promise me…”

“Promise...” Teddy weakly said and pulling her closer, giving in to the temptation brought by her. Then right there and then, things have happened that no one should ever know about.

No one.

For this is just something she has to do to maintain her place in the group. Sneaky but she doesn’t care as long as it served his purpose.

She’ll do anything for her ambitions and dreams.

She will do anything.