Chapter Fourteen

She walked inside their practice room where she and the older girls spent time trying to perfect their choreography for a song.  This was the room where she made memories with them and the dancers. This very room was once filled with loud music, constant chattering and lastly, full of laughter. But this room was the same place where she lost the baby. Now, this room that was once lively was just a plain room, cold and uninviting.

Her eyes strayed towards the unused stereo where they often used to play their music. Slowly, she walked towards it and turned it on. To her surprise, it was a music that they have last danced too. A song that they were dancing at that time when the older girl lost her baby.

The slow rhythm of the song made her sway and she found herself dancing to it. With slow and accurate movements, her body gyrated and moved with the beats. Her thoughts have slowly dissipated away as her body started moving with the music. With music, she can forget everything.

“I knew you’ll be here…” She heard someone said that interrupted her alone time. Stopping on what she’s doing, she turned around and saw a very worried looking friend. She called out his name, “’Sup Deuk?”

“It’s been a long time since I saw you dance like that.” Youngdeuk commented and offered her a clean face towel to wipe the sweat on her face. He smiled warily as he continued, “Don’t try to deny it. Your face may hide it well but your dance says it all.”

“It’s just… I don’t know.” She confessed and looked around, pain rocketed inside her chest. She sighed, “I don’t know what to do… or how to deal with this. I never thought that living a dream would hurt that bad.”

“One must sacrifice something for something.” Youngdeuk said as he reached out for her hand and hold it. “You don’t need to hold it in. You don’t need to be strong. No one asked you to be one. You are young, we are young. There are things we don’t understand but we’ll learn. We’ll learn it together.”

A small smile formed on her lips and she nodded.

“I guess so. I just hope we’ll be friends longer.” She whispered and saw him bit his lower lip but he nodded slowly.

“We’ll take one step at a time.” Youngdeuk uttered as he gulped. “Together.”

“What you did at the hallway was unnecessary!” The loud and angry voice of the president sounded throughout the room but he remained calm. The older guy let out a deep breath and continued, “What if you hurt her? What if she sued you for hurting her? What do you think would make you that? Another scandal!”

“It doesn’t matter.” He whispered. “Don’t care.”

“You don’t… But she does.” YG said in a soft voice. “Look, son, I know you are hurting now but this isn’t the solution to the problem. If she knew what you did, do you think she’ll be happy knowing that it was her decision that made you act like that?”

He gulped and he realized he hadn’t thought about it. What the president said makes sense to him. Even if no one’s to blame her, she would blame herself and he doesn’t want her to feel any guiltier than ever. The pain she’s feeling now should be enough to last a lifetime.

“Your right, hyung. “ He admitted and he looked at the president’s eyes. “But I won’t apologize to her. You can’t force me to say my apologies to something I would never regret.”

“Jiyong.” YG whispered. “I know it’s hard for you but she’s still part of the family. I’m not asking you to apologize to her. But don’t act too rashly. That’s all I want.”

“I can’t promise hyung.” He said and thought of that arrogant face made him want to puke. “It would be best if we don’t meet at all.”

“How is that possible?” YG asked with a concerned tone.

“I’m taking an indefinite vacation.” He answered that surprised the older guy.

“What about the upcoming comeback? Your second album? Your plans for this year?” YG threw in the questions consecutively. “It’s not like you to decide irresponsibly.”

His lips curved into a timid smile as he answered, “I want to lay low from the scene for a while. Spend some time with my family and maybe planned on visiting her as well.”

“So it all comes down to her?” YG asked with a serious look on his face.

“What do you mean by it all comes down to her? It’s always about her.” He said and his voice sounded with finality. “I just want to be with her. Woo her again and try to save whatever’s left with us.” He sighed and bit his lower lip as he continued, “I can’t do that under the limelight. Even with all these drama, I still want to be with her. I don’t care even if she’ll try to chase me away; I’m just going to keep on pushing myself to pursue her.” He looked at the older guy and added, “I love her hyung. I don’t think I can lose her now.”

YG finally gave in and nodded.

“Fine. But you’ll have to explain yourself to the other members. It would be your sole responsibility.” YG said. “And tell Dara that our doors are still open for her. Her spot for the group was not taken away yet.”

He beamed a genuine smile at the president’s direction and said, “Thanks hyung.”

He was getting worried for her sister. Her weight was decreasing in a faster way than anyone he knew. She refuses to eat anything and her health is slowly degrading. Often times, he would catch her surfing the net for any news about him and her group and she will just sigh before turning it computer off again.

All of them were worried for her as they can see that the dark circles around her eyes were getting darker. Her eyes were puffy from crying because she looked at the copy of the ultrasound picture of her lost baby. He worries that if she gets too thin then she would just disappear out of nowhere.

His heart was torn by seeing her eldest sister suffering. He missed the crazy sister who often times call him ‘dog poop’ in front of everyone. Who often worries about him and would fan girl over him more than anyone else. He just missed his older sister who was lively and laughed loudly.

Ring~ Ring~

The constant ringing of his phone disturbed his thoughts and looked at who was calling. It was Jiyong-hyung. He debated with himself whether he should answer or not. He’s not sure if he was ready to talk but he guessed it was inevitable.

“Hyung?” He answered the phone and he heard the older guy sighed in relief.

“Sanghyun, can we meet up and talk?” Jiyong asked.

“For what?”

“About your noona.”

He took a deep breath before he answered, “Just send me the time and place. I’ll be there.”

And before he ended the call, he thought he heard the older guy sighed in relief. Maybe the guy was expecting for a harsher treatment but he can’t do it. He understood it wasn’t really the guy’s fault and he must admit that maybe Jiyong would be able to make his older sister eat some foods.

He was hoping he can or he doesn’t know what to do after this.

She heard on what happened earlier between the two leaders. Nobody has expected Jiyong to attack the other leader. That guy was well known to be patient and calm when it comes to some difficult situation. That is the main reason as to why everyone was surprised at what had transpired.

Guess that’s what love can do to a person. It’s not like she can’t understand the man since she knew the situation quite well. But in a totally different circumstance compared to her two close friends, theirs were a miscommunication while hers was a lot simpler.

He just doesn’t love her because he has her.

The woman who still haunts the man she loves. The woman who she can’t compete with was the same woman that still held his heart. She knew it all but her heart won’t listen to her. She accepted him despite knowing that she would never be treated the same as that woman. For a while, she thought she has succeeded in finding a place in his heart but she was wrong.

She can’t believe that with just one word from her, he betrayed her. And what hurts more was to know that her problem with him added to her best friend’s problem. Her heart was aching and her head was hurting from too much thinking.

Why is it so hard to love someone?
 

Why does it hurt so much?

She cursed under her breath as she saw the red marks on her neck. It was probably left behind when Jiyong had her neck on his hand. It was the first time she felt fear for anyone. Never did she imagine that she would see him lose control like that. Jiyong has always been known to be in control as he was the leader of their group.

“Where did you get these marks on you, Rin?”

She smiled when she heard him asked. It has been a few weeks since she last heard from him and she missed him badly. She turned around and saw him.

“I…” She stuttered as she saw his eyes focused on her.

“Did you get it from him?” He asked.

“Yes…” She answered truthfully and instead of sympathy, he snorted and let out a chuckle. “What’s so funny about it? I’m hurt and almost strangled to death. Why are you laughing?”
 

“I wanted to see that guy lose control. At least for once.” He answered and a smirk formed on his lips. “You should have asked somebody to record it so I can view it.”

“Why would you want to watch the video of someone you love being strangled?” She asked. “Didn’t I tell you that it hurts so much? Look at these marks on my neck! He almost killed me!”

She saw him scoffed before he laughed mockingly. It was as if there was a joke in to what I said. It was like she didn’t get what the joke is. And her heart shattered as soon as she heard his next words.

“Who said anything about love?” He asked and shook his head. “Did I say anything about love?”

“But what about those nights?” She asked and feared that she may cry in front of this man.

“And what about those? It’s something we agreed upon. We did it out of lust… and not out of love.” He replied and let out a few chuckles. “Don’t tell me you thought I love you?”

She felt dry as she bit her lower lip to stop herself from crying.

“Who would love someone like you?” He asked and left the room, leaving her behind.

Her heart feels like bursting out of her chest and the pain soared inside. Her eyes were filled with tears as she cried her heart out for the man she loves. Then she thought if this is how she felt at those times. Maybe even worse than this.

And she understood her a little. How painful it was for her.

If only she can turn back time. If only she could.