Chapter Seventeen

The first thing she saw as soon as her eyes opened was his sleeping face. He slept beside her bed and seeing those lines on his face touched her heart. She wanted to reach out and caress his cheeks but she restrained herself. She didn’t want to disturb him and she contented herself in watching him.

Memories of him being the caring lover came back to her and she wanted to tear up. She wanted to touch him and hold him but something was holding her back. She knew what exactly was holding her back. It’s her pride. She knew that she needs to lower it down for them to work out but her heart is filled with fear.

What if it doesn’t work despite their love for each other? What if he realized that all his efforts would be wasted for someone who’s worthless? She questioned herself as she looked at him from afar. Her hand was clutching the sheets as if to act as her restraint to touch him. How long has it been since she last touched him?

“Dara…” Her jaw dropped as soon as she heard his voice. She looked at him and saw him yawning. He grinned and apologized, “Oops, sorry.”

They just stared at each other for a full minute before she looked away. Her cheeks felt so hot as if she was burning. Looking at each other’s eyes made her feel shy and embarrassed. Maybe because she was embarrassed after what happened to them. Somehow she felt guilty on what had transpired between them and remembered the words that were never said.

“I…” Both of them said at the same time that they stopped and looked at each other again. As what happened earlier, the two of them quickly looked away as soon as their eyes met. Then they tried to speak again but they ended up starting at the same time.

“Go ahead…” Jiyong whispered and smiled shyly. The man in front of her reminds her of the boy that she used to know. The boy who followed her around like a puppy and courted her until she finally gave in, until she finally fell. But she knew that the boy has turned into a man, a very reliable man.

She took a deep breath and blew some air as she started, “I’m sorry…” She bit her lower lip and looked at him as she continued, “I know that I owe you some apologies too. I… know that you were hurt as well but I blamed it on you too.” She paused and saw him looking a little surprised at her. She decided to take up the chance of him being a little speechless so she added, “I’m a little selfish when I have made my decision. I knew that I should have let you in instead of dealing it all alone. I should have trusted you Jiyong. I don’t know how to start at all… But at that time, it felt right. I was hurt… I felt so alone and I felt like I can’t trust you. I…” Without realizing it, she was already crying, “I… I was consumed by my emotions and I never thought about what you were feeling at all. I… I…”

“Sssh…” Jiyong whispered as he crossed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her closer until she felt his lips kissing the top of her head and his hands were caressing her back to comfort her. She heard him whisper, “No, don’t. It’s not your fault.” His words made her cry harder. How can this guy not blame her? Not only did she lose their child, she also hid it from him. Why is he not blaming her? She heard him say, “I should be the one begging for forgiveness. Not you. You’re the one who suffered the most…”

Then he pushed her slightly as he cupped her face and he adjusted himself so that they can see each other. He wiped off the tears with his fingers as he whispered, “I’m so sorry Dara for making you suffer all alone. Sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most. Instead of being a supportive lover, I was the first one who condemned you. Thinking about that day makes me want to smack my head against the wall. I am so stupid for saying those harsh words. I’m so sorry.” And then his tears slowly fell from his eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers. He repeated, “Sorry. Sorry.” He looked at her eyes and pleaded again, “I’m so sorry…”

“Jiyong…” She muttered as she wiped his tears with her fingers. Finally, she was able to touch him again after a long time and it was really good to touch him. She whispered, “Don’t cry. I don’t deserve your tears. I’m such a f–”

“Don’t… Don’t say it!” Jiyong exclaimed as he shook his head violently. “Your worth is priceless. It can’t be measured by anything at all. For me, you are irreplaceable. Your existence is what makes me happy and I don’t care for what others might say. For me, there’s only you so please… stop saying that you don’t deserve me.” He sighed and smiled sadly, “Please don’t give up on me? On us?”

“Jiyong…” She whispered as she bit her lower lip. “I…”

“Give me another chance? Please?”
 

“Ji…”

“Another chance?”

“I don’t think I can go back there…” She finally said. “I don’t think I have the strength to go back. I’m not strong enough.”

“Then I’m not going to ask you to go back.” He said. “We can leave the country and start anew from somewhere. Then we can just simply be Dara and Jiyong.”

She shook her head.

“I think I have enough savings for us to start in another country. We can buy a simple cottage near the sea and start our own family. No need to hide ourselves and be free from the press. No anti fans to tell us that we can’t be together. No more rumors. No more but us.”

She shook her head and sadly smiled at him.

“Dara…” He called her name.

“You can’t just leave like that. How about Big Bang?” She asked. “How about your members?”

“They’ll understand.”

“How about your family?”
 

“They’ll support me in my decision and they can always visit us wherever we are.”

“How about your fans?”
 

“They should understand.” Jiyong said, almost close to breaking down. “Damn it. If they’re my fans, they should understand that you’re an important person in my life.”

“Jiyong… You belong there. Your eyes are shining the most whenever you are writing music or speaking about music.”

“Don’t tell me to leave you. I can never do that, Dara. I can’t.”

“Jiyong…”

“Can’t you not forgive me for what I did before?” He asked in exasperation.

“I forgave you.” She said and closed her eyes as she added, “But I just can’t forget it yet…”

He saw his friend in the studio buried with his work. It looks like he was living in the studio and barely left its premises. He watched as his friend continued to write and arrange the music sheets when he heard the president’s voice.

“He has been like that ever since he went to Dara’s place.” He heard the president said. He didn’t respond as he continued to watch over his friend. The president added, “Ever since that day, he worked like a devil has descended into him. I’m not sure if he even went home once.”

“Did he tell you anything hyung?” He asked without looking at the president’s eyes. “The last time I saw him like this was when noona has left the country.”

“I don’t know Youngbae-ah. That’s why I’m asking you to talk to Jiyong.” YG said and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Talk to your friend about it and cheer him up, okay?”

“I’ll try hyung.” He whispered as the older guy nodded and walked away from the place. “I’ll try.”

“Noona, what are you doing to Jiyong? Please return quickly.” He thought to himself as he watched over his friend overworked himself.

There are rumors that he was dating Hara reached her ears. Those rumors stabbed her heart every time she hears it. She can’t believe it. She believed in him. She wanted to cry to someone else’ shoulders but she was alone because of what she did. The sole person that would she could have relied on was gone.

Look at where she is now, she got nothing. Not even fame that she wanted and she lose one important thing, the trust of the people who believed in her. Her tears slowly descend from her eyes and the pain of being alone is finally taking a toll on her. Gathering up her courage, she picked up her phone and dialed the number that she should have called long before.

After a few rings, the familiar man’s voice answered the call, “Hello?”

“Sanghyun, can I speak to Dara unnie?”

NOTE: One of my post valentines updates! <3 Hopefully there's more! kkk :) Sorry for being MIA. Err, my netcon has been cut due to negligence.kkk  But thank you for waiting! 

Love, 

Berrie