Chapter Fifteen

After a long talk with her brother, he managed to persuade him to let him know where she’s staying now and asked permission to visit her. Her younger brother is reluctant to allow him anywhere near her but he was able to let him realize how serious he is with her. That it was never his intention to hurt her. That what was happening now has just gotten out of his control.

His heart aches at the sight of her staring at the empty space with her empty looking eyes. Her cheeks have become shallower than what he remembered. There are dark circles around her eyes indicated how restless she is now. It pierced his heart to see her like this. He didn’t want her to be like this as if she was a living dead. Like she was just breathing because it’s a voluntary action and feels like it was just an obligation to continue living on.

Is he the reason why she is like this? He bits his lower lip as he took one step forward and Sanghyun’s words rang inside his mind

“I am not even sure why I’m allowing you to be near her since you were one of the reasons why she’s broken…”

His brain kept on saying that it would be good if he just leave her alone. Though it would hurt him greatly but at least her wounds will heal in time. His firm decision to stay with her is slowly crumbling as he continued watching her from afar. The only thing that still kept on making him stay and not run away like a coward was Sanghyun’s words as well.

“But there is still a part of me that believes that you are the only one who can help her get back on track. You did it before and I’m sure you can do it again. I trust you, hyung. Please bring her back to us.”

Can he really do it? Can he really trust himself not to hurt her anymore? Does he even have courage to step forward and asked her well-being?
 

At this point in time, he thought he was a strong and courageous man but he was wrong. He isn’t strong and he isn’t in the least courageous at all. With all of his being, he knew how weak and coward he is now.

“Jiyong-sshi, what are you doing there?” He heard her mother asked him that took him by surprise. He smiled awkwardly at her and looks at her direction to see if she heard her mother. But he was just disappointed and her mother didn’t fail to notice it. Mommy Park forced a smile as she whispered, “She’s in her own world and blocked everything else.”

“Does this…” He hesitated. “Is she always like this?”

Her mother smiled bitterly and nodded.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered in his softest voice he can mutter. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t blame you at all. I’ve seen worst.” Mommy Park said and smiled. “Would you be joining us for dinner?”

“If it’s okay with you…” He murmured his words that made the older woman lightly pat his shoulder.

“Of course, it’s okay…” Mommy Park said. “Why don’t I leave you here with her while I cook our dinner? Sanghyun has returned to his dormitory while Durami is staying over at one of her friends.”

“Thank you.” He whispered as his eyes went back to her.

“Hey… are you okay?” She heard someone asked as she caught herself sighing for the nth time already. She didn’t turn around to look at the person who willingly spoke to her even in her gloomy state.

“Bom noona!” She heard him call her name again with an irritating sing song tune. She gritted her teeth and stopped herself from turning around. “Noona… noona! Bom-noona!”

“STOP CALLING M—“ She yelled while turning around and surprised at the smiling face of Youngbae whose pointing finger is poking at her face.

“Gotcha there.” Youngbae grinned and sat beside her in an Indian seating position.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. Her eyebrows were connected in the middle as she stared at him in disbelief.

“Trying out your specialty.” Youngbae answered that confused her.

“What?”

“Spacing out in some corner like a real 8d character.” Youngbae answered with a big smile plastered on his face.

It took five seconds or so to realize what he meant and quickly hits him with all her might. She saw him winced but his smile just grew bigger and she realized that she was smiling back at him.

“I made you smile.” Youngbae said and a sincere timid smile formed on his lips.

“Thank you.” She said and sighed again.

“At least, I can still make someone smile.” Youngbae whispered.

“Youngbae-ah…”

“What can I do to make her smile again? To bring her back to herself?” Youngbae asked and she quickly understood what he meant.

“Youngbae…”

“I can’t even cheer my best friend up…” Youngbae murmured that made her heart ached. “I can’t even return the favour when both of them cheered me up when I’m down…”

“Don’t blame yourself…” She sighed. “I’m guilty as you are. I haven’t even visited her yet because I’m thinking about my own problems rather than hers. But would that make me a lesser person?”

Youngbae just looked at her with pure disbelief and a little bit of confusion. She knows that she’s not being a good friend to her but she’s only human. And so is he.

“It may look bad now since I’m supposedly a friend. But it was her choice to stay away now and clear her mind. I’m sure that if Dara can hear us she would want me not to worry about much. She’s stronger than me in terms of this.” She explained and smiled as she remembered how strong her friend can be. “She’s just vulnerable because it’s still fresh from her memory. I believe in her and you should too. So stop blaming yourself.”

Then he smiled a smile that almost reached his eyes.

“I guess you’re right noona…” Youngbae said in defeat. “So you and Seunghyun-hyung are having some problems…”

“Yeah…” She said and stopped herself when she grasped that she just revealed something. She covered and her eyes widened at her carelessness.

“It’s okay noona. I’ll be your ears today since she isn’t here with you.” Youngbae said.

“You’re a great guy.” She said and messed his hair slightly. “Any woman would be happy to have a man like you.”

“Any woman except her.” Youngbae whispered and sadness filled his eyes.

“I heard what happened between you and Jiyong-hyung…”

She heard that rat’s voice behind her. Out of everyone in their agency, she felt oddly close to him even with all their fights and stuffs. She doesn’t want to admit it but he was the only one willing to talk to her in a nice manner after what happened.

“I can’t blame hyung for reacting that way. Though I’m against violence towards women…” He continued and she can’t help but feel irritated on the way he was telling her. “Why don’t you try to apol—“

“Shut up, rat.” She cuts him off rudely and snorted. “No one needs your unsolicited opinion.”

“And everyone got enough of your condescension.” Seungri yelled.

“You’re also on her side like always. Like a loyal dog following its owner.” She mocked him and she saw his eyes widened in anger. “Seung…”

“You may call me a dog or whatever you want but I do hope that when you realize your mistakes, it’s not too late for you. If you don’t start reflecting on what happened, you may find yourself on the top but you will be alone.” Seungri sincerely said as he looked straight into her eyes. Then her heart crushed after hearing his next words, “You know before this happened and after you came back from Japan, noona did forgive you. She was just waiting for you to snap back to your old self but I don’t know if she still is. Amongst everyone here, who do you think believes in you the most?”

“I…”

“It’s Dara-noona. She believes in you the most… Yet this happened.”

“I… It’s not like I know what will happen to her! Like the hell I know she’s carrying a baby!” She yelled in defence.

“And if you knew, does it matter? Isn’t fame the most important to you right now? More than anything else?” Seungri taunted and sighed in defeat. “I don’t think I even know you anymore.” Then he turned his back on her and added, “I just hope it’s not too late for you.”

She watched him leave as her heart feels heavier than lead. Seungri was one of the people she considered to be closest to her even if it doesn’t seem to be. Why is everyone leaving her? First, him and now her friend. Who will be next? Was it wrong for her to pursue her dream? Was it wrong to achieve fame? Was it necessary for someone to get hurt for success?

Without realizing, she started crying silently and it’s hurting. She was crying alone without anyone by her side telling her that it will be alright. She started this yet she suffered more.

“I’m stupid…” She whispered as she buried her face on her hands. “Stupid…”

Then everything started to dawn at her and she just wished it wasn’t too late.