Chapter 13

Realize, Remember and Believe

"Heavy..." Yoochun grunted out loud as he carried the shorter haired man up to his bed. As soon as he did, he felt like leaving since he wanted this Kim Junsu to feel what it was like to suffer and feel pain for at least once in his life. Royalty deserved to come down from it's high steed. This guy was probably too spoiled and never experienced difficulties whatsoever.

He couldn't explain why but just looking at him, he knew this Kim Junsu was like every rich man alive-- just like that man who turned his life upside down.

Yoochun rolled his eyes and was about to take his leave but quiet whimpers of the shiverring man made him stop in his tracks once again.

"Jaejoong...don't leave," he heard the other man pant out loud. "They're coming back to me...I don't know why."

What's coming back to him? It was a question that popped up in Yoochun's mind. He looked back just in time to see Junsu curl up in the middle of the bed, his chest going up and down in fast motions.

"Kim Junsu...?" he called out his name as his feet once again disobeyed his command. He wanted to leave but instead, he found himself right beside the half unconscious man on the bed, wanting to know what was wrong. With a bit of worry, he reached out his hand to Junsu but was suddenly stopped half way by a grabbing motion.

There it is. As usual, that feeling of familiarity. It was Junsu's hand sqeezing his own tightly like a man struggling to climb up from falling off a cliff. Yoochun could feel how cold it was-- how rough and overworked these hands were. It was hands that felt like it had been through a lot of tough things.

"Jae...you're here..." Junsu said with his eyes almost closed. "They're haunting me again..."

With his free hand, Junsu grabbed his forehead and covered his eyes.

"What's haunting you?" Yoochun whispered, his own voice was low, barely recognizable.

"Promise to be here right beside me like usual," Junsu breathed out. Everything was blurred out to him. Those scenes of the past just kept on replaying, again and again in his head, torturing every single drop of sanity he had left. They were really coming back to him. "They're coming back...I can see her again...and I don't even know who she is," he painfully smiled as his eyes really closed in on him. "But I feel...hurt," Darkness really did scare him. It was one of those things that triggered lots of things in his mind. But today, as he held onto whom he thought was Jaejoong's hands, he felt comfortable and safe in his isolation.

"Junsu?" Yoochun whispered.

No reply was given to him. The man completely out.

What should he do? He hated this man. He should hate this man. He shouldn't help him. People like him was born to make everyone's life become miserable-- especially his. With this, he brushed off Junsu's hands but his heart regretted his actions. The man's shiverring started to become worse.

"Junsu?" Yoochun called out his name again. "Junsu?"

****************

Thirty minutes later, Yoochun walked to Junsu's room again. For this time now, he had been changing Junsu's face towel that he placed over his forehead and his eyes. Whenever he was cold, when he did this to himself, it was very comforting and so he thought the man would be comfortable this way.

He gave his ownself a scoff. He hated what he was doing. Why was he helping the person whom he should hate the most? The more he tried to stop his actions, the more his brain told him the complete opposite.

It was exactly like this. The reason why he's been miserable was because he was too weak to fight off everything. He stared at the man with his icy blue eyes who now lied peacefully on the bed.

"Spoiled brat..." Yoochun shook his head sideways. He touched the sleeping man's cheeks to check if the man was running a slight fever. "Why do I even do this?" he questioned himself.

After a while now, Junsu regained his color and the shiverring stopped which made Yoochun sigh from being overworked today.

"I guess I need to pay you back too for rescuing me," Yoochun mumbled out loud as he replaced the towel with another one. "But this will be my last time. I hate men like you."

***************

"You have a lover don't you?" Jaejoong smirked evilly. "A lover other than Yoochun I mean."

"W-What are you talking about?" Changmin stuttered a bit. He didn't think this question would pop out.

"And his name is Lee Dongwook isn't it?" the raven haired man played around with him.

The taller man was just speechless from shock. How did he know? That was all he could ask himself.

"So the man he was talking about is actually you," Jaejoong lifted his brow in amusement, "I never thought you had it in you to play around like this."

"No," Changmin was getting a bit emotional over the joke that Jaejoong brought up. "It's not like that--" he paused as he realized something. "How do you even know him?"

"We just had a drink together from a previous party I attended," Jaejoong answered. "He works under the Choi family, a highly skilled business person. I wouldn't be called Kim Jaejoong if I didnt know him."

"W-What?" Changmin was surprised. He was hearing new things from this man. "He works under the Choi family? You're lying!" he hissed out.

"Hey, it's not my business," Jaejoong replied. "But you better be careful around that man, he has quite a few records of the past. Someone as smart as you should pick his people nicely. You might get betrayed."

Changmin was boiling on the inside but just kept it in. How dare that man become suspicious of Dongwook just like that? "I'm not cheating around," he tried to clear up the situation. "Yoochun just doesn't know the difference between the family love he lost a long time ago and love you get from others."

"He loves you like a brother you mean then," Jaejoong added as he tried to figure out everything. "So with you knowing that, you still decided to go out with him. Don't you think that would hurt more?"

"Don't you think he'll be happier this way?" Changmin countered back. "Seeing him so helpless after that... time, I had to do it."

"Well, don't you think you did this out of pity and not because of "brotherly love"?" Jaejoong responded to him.

For the second time today, Changmin was left speechless. Was it really because he pitied him?

"If you ask me, I'd say you did it out of pity," Jaejoong was too damn straight forward with his words. "You need to tell Yoochun this before you mess up and get caught."

"Whatever I did, I won't regret because it's not wrong to see someone you love be happy and smile in front of you," Changmin breathed out as he clutched his chest. He looked like he was in pain.

Jaejoong took note of this action.

"It's normal like this," the taller man added on.

"Keep telling yourself that," Jaejoong continued to hit him with arrows of guit.

"It's not my fault that I ended up falling in love with someone else!" Changmin finally snapped as he stood up from his chair, slamming his hand on the table. "Don't blame me for trying to make Yoochun happy!"

"Well then, when things go down hill for you, please don't cry on my shoulders," Jaejoong just stared at him with ice cold eyes. "What's ahead for you may not be so nice."

Changmin closed his eyes and clutched his chest again. His brows now furrowed.

Jaejoong questioned the other man's action once again. It was his second time doing that for the day. He watched as Changmin frantically took out a shiny silver plate that contained pills inside from his suit pocket.

"You alright Mr. Shim?" Jaejoong finally asked but the man just held out his hand in front of his face telling him to wait a for a second.

Again, Jaejoong watched as the taller man grabbed four pills, turned around with his back facing his and stuffed it down his throat.

'He's in a heavy doze of medication,' he thought.

"You're not God, so everything you say are just simple predictions," Changmin finally answered as he calmed down.

"I am no God, but still, we humans are capable to think ahead to make the right predictions." Jaejoong challenged him some more. I want to see what makes you tick Changmin. It's my nature to do so.

******

Junsu woke up with a towel covering his eyes. He felt weak. Too weak to even move anything. And so he just lied there hearing himself take deep breaths.

He needed to talk to his doctor. Maybe he could explain all these things that were happening to him. Up till that day...after that accident he supposively had, he knew everything. But before and anything about the accident he was at, he wasn't able to remember. He forgot about everything-- his dad, did he even have a dad. Is his dad right now his real father? What if everything he knew were just lies that manipulated his whole life? It was these questions that bothered his mind the most. All he knew was that he was in an accident. Something happened to him. At the back of his mind, he thought he knew but never did he want to think about it. The doctor's never really recommended for Jaejoong to tell him either.

At first, those memories really did haunt him. He'd get flashes of them everyday. But when he finally pushed everything away, they never came back-- till now.

A creak of the door reached his ears.

"Jaejoong?" he mumbled out as he stayed as still as a stick. His eyes were still covered by the towel where he felt a source of warmth. Not waiting for an answer, he automatically started talking. "I need you to call the doctor who handled my operation from before. His number should be sitting on a sticky note at my desk." His voice was still in a mere audible whisper.

The sound of footsteps just filled the air.

"Thanks Jaejoong," he added in.

Reaching the desk, the man looked for that note that Junsu was talking about. It was pretty hard. There were so many notes and papers. But finally, on the very edge, it was there. Yoochun quickly grabbed it and glanced through it. The numbers were written in large handwriting with a doctor's name above it.

Dr. Kwang

678-959-8234

Taking the note with him, he went outside to get the phone. He shut the door gently once more.

"He thinks I'm Jaejoong," Yoochun whispered to himself. "I guess this is better."

***********

"You're leaving already?" Jaejoong asked Changmin, who just stood up .

"This meeting needs to be cut short," the taller man answered. "I have matters to take care of."

Jaejoong stared at Changmin with God like eyes who knew everything. "You should take care of that "problem" you have there Mr. Shim. Who knows, it might kill you."

"Whatever you know about me, I suggest for you the shut the hell up. My problems are my own."

"Then I will. But before you leave I'd like to invite you to an upcoming party hosted by Junsu's father," Jaejoong informed him as he stood up from his chair. "It will be nice to have connections right? Please be armed of course. You don't know who your enemy and your allies are in the business world. All we are interested at is money. Anyone and everyone in the business word is of course, coming."

"I'll keep my schedule open." Changmin continued to walk to the door. "When will this be?"

"Four days from now. Seven o'clock at night at the 8th building, 35th floor of the Kim Enterprises Area," Jaejoong waved goodbye as he watched Changmin close the door after giving out the information to him.

****************

Another half an hour passed and the doctor finally came.

"Dr. Kwang?" Yoochun asked as he opened the door.

"Yes," the man in a suit with kits on both hands answered. "Kim Junsu asked for me, you say?"

Yoochun nodded gesturing the man to enter.

But surprisingly, Dr. Kwang just stood there in the door way staring at him almost too intently.

Realizing this, Yoochun became uncomfortable. He uttered out, "Sir? Coming in?"

The doctor snapped out of his gaze. "Ah, I apologize!" he laughed calmly. "You just looked oddly familiar to me. Have we met?"

"I don't know," Yoochun shrugged but smiled at the same time. "If we did, just remind me. Maybe I'll remember."

"I'll think about it then," Dr. Kwang replied as they walked to the room. "Would you happen to know why Kim Junsu asked for me?"

"I don't know," Yoochun answered those words again.

"Well, continue, what happened to him?"

"He was cold, and shiverring," Yoochun recalled the things he saw and heard, "then he kept on saying words like they were coming back."

"They're coming back huh?" the doctor shook his head. "Poor kid."

Yoochun scoffed. "He's just a rich kid who got scared of a nightmare. It happens to everyone."

"You don't get along with him well don't you?" the doctor rhetorically asked. "Well I guess, once you get passed the shell, everything will be easy rides. You should get to know him more."

"I know him for the man he truly is already," Yoochun said in annoyance as he remembered how bad and irritated that man made him feel.

"Sometimes, the rich kids are always the loneliest beings in the planet," the doctor said as he opened the door to Junsu's room. "And they're mostly the ones who need the most help even though they might seem strong-- especially this man right here."

"Dr. Kwang?" Junsu croaked out as he heard muffled talking and the opening of the door.

"Mr. Kim," the figure in the suit greeted. "I haven't seen you in quite a while."

"Thanks for coming in such a short notice," Junsu's lips curved up for a smile. His eyes and forehead were still wrapped up with a face towel. "Take a seat."

"Alright," Dr. Kwang obeyed. "But before we start our conversation though, do you want this man to be in this room?" Of course, knowing the situation, he knew that Junsu liked this matter to be closed only to himself and that other man named Kim Jaejoong.

"It's alright," Junsu replied as he thought Yoochun was still Jaejoong. "You know it's only him."

"I know...? Oh. Alright then," Dr. Kwang replied. "Just take a seat then young man." He directed Yoochun to sit at the empty desk chair.

Yoochun obeyed.

"Is there a way to make them stop coming?" Junsu croaked out. Good thing the towel was still on his face or else the doctor would've seen him cry. "You told me they will come back to me eventually, but what if I don't want them to come back?"

"Junsu," the doctor called out his name in a gentle voice. "I know it will be hard. These things come at you in a go or stop motion but you just need to remember that they are a part of you. They are a part of who your are."

"But I don't want them," Junsu silently cried in a whisper. Those memories wouldn't stop coming at him.

Hearing all these words, Yoochun was really confused. What was coming back? There was nothing that could feed his curiousity. He could only sit there and silently watch. He listened for the tone of Junsu's voice changing like he was some helpless kid that needed help. It was really weird to see a different side of this man. Usually, Kim Junsu would always act so high and mighty. But now, if he looked at him right at this moment, he was like a broken porcelain doll wanting to be glued together.

"The only thing I could give you are sleeping pills and pain killers," the doctor said, "but I suggest you not taking them. It's not healthy."

"Do you know what happened to me?" Junsu asked. "You do know right?"

"I only know of your accident," the doctor replied.

He was in an accident? Yoochun was really confused now.

"Useless...of course I'd know I was in an accident," Junsu clutched the blanket on top of him. "I keep on seeing a girl. She kept on calling out my name. And seeing her like that... all bloody, I felt like dying myself too..." Junsu paused. "Tell me who she is."

"What you're feeling is only normal," the doctor replied.

"Tell me who she is," Junsu demanded some more.

"But sir..." the doctor was in great hesitation. "It's not healthy. I recommend for you to let it all just sink in by themselves."

"Please. This is the only thing I'll ask of you," Junsu said in a desperate but with deep pride behind the words.

"Alright sir, but nothing else," the Dr. Kwang agreed. He understood how Junsu felt. Of course, not knowing what you lost, who you lost and what you had before...it's mind boggling. He paused for a while.

"It's alright, I can take it," Junsu assured him.

"Well, Mr. Kim, at that night... the only girl you were with... the only person who was there beside you was..." the doctor paused again. "She's your sister."

He had a sister? All these facts, Yoochun was just newly finding out. And apparently... she might have... died?

An arrow of shock and pain just hit Junsu's heart. "She's my... sister?" he was panting out loud. "Where is she now? She's not...?" Images of a bloody figure of a girl flashed in his head. The call of his name from that girl's lips... She was dying and his name were the only words she could call out. It couldn't be his sister. He knew about the girl from the memories he was getting before but finding out that they were blood related...No...it couldn't be. "You're lying to me!" he yelled out.

"You got out of that accident with a major hit on your head. The part of your brain that was mostly damaged in that accident was the one that kept your memories. It's really normal for you to have forgotten but like I said before, it might be temporary but it also might be permanent."

He lost his memories? It's unbelievable how such a man like him could look so strong and willful even though he never even knew who he was in the first place. It made him think about what he had done with his life. This Kim Junsu actually knew what the feeling of pain was. Yoochun realized what he was saying. Wow. He was stupid. Of course he'd know, he was only a human being. Was he the one being a jerk all this time?

"..." he told himself. Only he himself could here that word. He needed to stop listening to this conversation. It was too private. He shouldn't have listened in the first place.

And because of this, he just stood up causing his eyes to connect with the doctor's. He gave him a nod and headed towards the door closing it. What exactly did happen to Kim Junsu? He breathed out. That accident couldn't have been that bad right?

After Yoochun shut the door, Junsu got up from his bed, the towel slowly falling from his face. "S-she died didn't she?" There was a blank look in his eyes as he stared at the doctor's own.

"Sorry sir, but Kim Jaejoong told me that however and how much you asked and begged that answer out of me, I shouldn't answer it. Plus, it's better if you remember on your own. You might have a nervous break down if I just fill you up on everything that happened to you with all those years worth of memories you have lost."

"Then is she alive?!" Junsu looked at the doctor. He refrained himself from crying. Nobody in this world ever saw him cry. He couldn't let himself cry especially in front of this doctor.

"Sorry..." the doctor bowed his head down low which pissed Junsu off in an instant.

Judging from that face, those eyes and that reaction, Junsu knew the answer. All he wanted to do was just let everything out right at that time. The moment he found out he had a sister was the moment he also found out that he lost her. Millions of flashbacks entered his head. It was all his memories of him and his sister. It was his sister taking care of him. His sister walking him to school. His sister feeding him. His sister hugging him. He loved his sister, that's what he knew-- she the only person who cared for him when he was still a kid.

He had no memories of his past-- completely erased. He continued living his life without knowing anything about himself. His father guided him after that accident. The only people he knew here was his father and Jaejoong. The only people he talked to. He knew he should have a mother but he never had the guts to ask who and where she was. He never bothered.

"Sir? I'm very sorry," the doctor added in, "if you need anything else besides these...then I will be happy to help."

"It's alright," Junsu replied. "Is there anything to take if my head starts to spin. I can't black out during my business meetings of course."

The doctor smiled. "I appreciate your understanding Mr. Kim. You have a very kind heart."

"Please do not push it. If you're not going to be of any help, then please leave," Junsu brushed off the man's comment.

"I have nothing for you sir. I just advice that you be with someone at all times just incase your memories might come back."

Junsu looked at the side. He expected Jaejoong to be there. "Where is he?"

The doctor looked up. "Your friend you mean? He left sir."

"What?"

"He just left."

Junsu looked down and took a fist full of his blanket. "Whatever then. Just leave. I need to rest."

"Please take care then," Dr. Kwang bowed. "Don't hesitate to call again if your head is bothering you."

Junsu was about to lie in bed but the doctor started to speak again.

"Sir," Dr. Kwang added in, "objects, words, news, people, anything you encounter in real life can trigger your memories. I don't know what you saw that made you remember but if you hate to get everything back so much, then I advise you not to look at whatever you saw last again."

He shut the door.

**********

Yunho paced in front of the newly opened cafe shop where he met Jaejoong. Why was he here anyways?! Why couldn't he stop remembering...that kiss.

"Gah! Stupid Jaejoong!" Yunho yelled in frustration. "Why did you have to do that...those...things?!" He scratched his head for the millionth time that day and walked back and forth in front of the cafe."...I need to forget about that... Why did that feel so different? I hate you Kim Jaejoong! Why do you have to be so... so good?!"

Or maybe he was just imagining it feeling good...? It was his first time kissing a guy anyways...

"It's just my imagination," Yunho kept on telling himself that. "But how do I make sure?"

"What the hell are you doing Yunho?" a girl asked him.

He looked back. "Seulgi?" There in front of him was his answer. He had no feelings for her whatsoever but just for the sake of checking and wanting to make sure...

"Seulgi," Yunho stared at her. "Kiss me."